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Original poster

Valentine's Day pressure

110 replies

BirdsBirdsBird · 13/02/2022 22:35

DH announced on Friday that he'd taken the day off so we could do something nice for Valentine's Day. I usually do something with a friend on Monday afternoons, and would have preferred some notice, rather than letting her down but never mind it's nice that he's made an effort I thought.

His plan though is to drive 1.5 hours to a seaside town, which I do love visiting in the summer, but out of season there is nothing to do and he mentioned that the weather was forecast to be raining. I've tried to have another conversation this evening, but he just repeats that he likes to have a drive out, although it might be raining when we get there.

The problem is - I don't like having a drive for the sake of it. I get quite car sick and as a child spent part of every holiday being sick in the back of a car as my grandparents lived 7 hours drive away.

I eventually reminded DH that although I knew he liked a drive out, I didn't and couldn't see what he thought we could do when we got there, other than walk in the rain. Now he is looking sad and making me feel like an ungrateful cow. AIBU?

OP posts:

Dogladyxo · 14/02/2022 02:09

YANBU

wingingit33 · 14/02/2022 03:43

Take a travel sickness pill, pack some wellies and a raincoat and go with it. It could be a red herring plan and "driving out" is a smoke screen.

Canaloha · 14/02/2022 03:49

@Filthyslattern

what if he hates what you have bought him? will that be ok? will you be understanding?

I thought that seen as though neither of you have done it before.

Why don't you go and see your friend as planned if that's more important to you, and he can go by himself.

LadyPropane · 14/02/2022 03:51

Totally fine to not want to go, it sounds miserable and if he's trying to do something nice for you then it should matter to him when you say you don't want to do it. However I think you need to suggest something else, come up with your own idea for a day out. Otherwise it seems like you're just being negative for the sake of it.

Momijin · 14/02/2022 05:14

I would hate a drive for the sake of it. And to end up in a wet and cold seaside in winter, no thanks.

If it was something he really wanted to do for his birthday, fair enough.

But as a valentine, it should be something you both enjoy.

And if it means changing your plans, and letting your friend down, he should have consulted you first.

Yanbu

RedRobin100 · 14/02/2022 05:19

I’m With you OP

RedRobin100 · 14/02/2022 05:23

I bloody HATE the rain and heading out in the rain just for the sake of it. Plus I know from recent experience there really is nothing to do in seaside towns in the winter.

He has tried to be thoughtful, but has come up short with actually thinking of a decent thing to do for the day - and no, you shouldn’t be expected to just go along with it and be miserable just because he’s taken it upon himself.

However I do think you should try come
Up with a good alternative to make the most of his impromptu day off.

Matinee cinema and lunch date or somethng like that?

MintJulia · 14/02/2022 05:37

Valentines is not just one way. Why don't you add to the outing to make it better, and call it your valentine to him.

Book a lunch somewhere. Eating lovely food in a snug warm pub, with your SO, and a view of the harbour, while it pours down outside sounds great to me.

VeganIsTheFuture · 14/02/2022 05:39

Book a lunch somewhere. Eating lovely food in a snug warm pub, with your SO, and a view of the harbour, while it pours down outside sounds great to me.

Maybe not so lovely to someone who suffers from travel sickness....that lovely food isn’t so lovely coming back up on the way home. Sick🤮

Shoxfordian · 14/02/2022 06:40

I agree with you as well op
Does he always just think about his own preferences and ignore you? He likes a drive so you should like a drive 🙄
Nothing romantic about feeling sick all afternoon either. Surely he knows you get car sick by now?!!
Tell him dh you know I’ll be sick in the car; I don’t want to go on a drive

EdithStourton · 14/02/2022 06:51

Are you 100% sure he hasn't got something else booked and just wants to get you in the car to get you there? I know you said you didn't think so but can you double check?

TibetanTerrah · 14/02/2022 06:52

Some of these replies are weird. If you came home and said, "yay DH I've booked Monday off and I'm going to take us both for mani pedis as a lovely valentines treat!" you'd be absolutely slaughtered for organising something that you would enjoy but DH wouldn't. Assuming he wouldn't of course

Its nice that he thought to plan something, but that plan is centred around what he would like to do (a drive) with you as an afterthought.

Justme10 · 14/02/2022 07:11

did look for an event on Valentine's day a while ago, but there is very little open on a Monday

If this is true then what would you expect him to plan?

I think you have planned something and so has he, so just go with it. The most important thing is spending time together and enjoying each other's company.

Knickerbokas · 14/02/2022 07:35

Travel sick pills?

As a fellow sufferer , aside from
make you a little drowsy, these little things really help when you get car sick...

Tulipsandviolets · 14/02/2022 07:56

Op u sound like hard work and sulky

RedRobin100 · 14/02/2022 08:01

@Tulipsandviolets

Op u sound like hard work and sulky

Really, No she doesnt.

She sounds like someone who is being coerced into doing an activity on a shitty day that she’s not going to enjoy just cos someone else had an idea of what he might like to do..

Why should she have to endure it in the name of. Bloody valentines. Doesn’t sounds like she expected him to take th day of or organise something - his actions are entirely one-sided and a bit thoughtless.
Could
He not have ASKED her what she’d like to do?

fenellastripe · 14/02/2022 08:20

It sounds like he is trying to make an effort and be romantic. Some people think that walking in the rain or sitting in the car watching the sea is romantic. I'm one of them. But you don't seem to be one of those people so in that respect YANBU.
It just seems a shame that you're incompatible.

2DogsOnMySofa · 14/02/2022 08:25

Can you get some travel sickness tablets from the chemist?

Yes he's made an effort, maybe he thought you would like it? You've also booked something for you both to do, what happens if he doesn't like it? Is that you being selfish making him is something he didn't like?

Sometimes, if he's generally a good husband, gritting your teeth and 'pretending' to enjoy it for his sake is a nice thing to do. It's only one day after all and if he's not got a tendency to be selfish then wheres the harm

Lifeslooser · 14/02/2022 08:26

You sound quite aggressive op. Are you the type that is never happy? You seem good at making lots of excuses why you are in the right!

Your DH can take me if he likes, I’d love a trip out to somewhere nice!

Perfect28 · 14/02/2022 08:29

Can't you just go for a nice lunch? You know you can still enjoy a pub even without drinking right?

DepthOfTheAbyss · 14/02/2022 08:31

His idea does sound dull and wouldn’t be for me. Is there a town that is a nice drive away where you can have a wander and nice lunch?

fenellastripe · 14/02/2022 08:32

@Lifeslooser

You sound quite aggressive op. Are you the type that is never happy? You seem good at making lots of excuses why you are in the right!

Your DH can take me if he likes, I’d love a trip out to somewhere nice!

Must admit I thought this too!

Arranging a drive to the sea doesn't seem selfish to me. Dragging you along to watch Man Utd play when you don't like football: that's selfish.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 14/02/2022 08:34

@BirdsBirdsBird

NB I have booked an event for us both to go to in a few weeks time as my Valentine gift to him. It's something that neither of us have done before but I'm hoping we could both enjoy. I do want us to spend quality time together, and did look for an event on Valentine's day a while ago, but there is very little open on a Monday, so I booked something on a different date.

And what happens if he hates the thing you have booked?

girlmom21 · 14/02/2022 08:35

He wanted to drive you somewhere you like to go and booked the day off specifically. It's not his fault the weathers shit. What would you normally do when you're there?

What would you do if it rained on a summers day when you were there?

Ivyonafence · 14/02/2022 08:44

You sound very black and white in your thinking OP. Is that something that you've noticed in other parts of your life as well

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