If you’re in a relationship how often do you think about splitting?

[UpToMyEye]

Not necessarily talk about it with your partner, just as in fantasise about what life would be like without them, how things would change, what you would do with your time/space?
Not sure if other people do this and if it’s indicative of something

Both me and DH have definitely dreamed of being alone, no partner, no compromises, just our own selves to consider. Occasionally time off from DC if we were split up. We talked about it with each other. Especially when we went through 2 years of no sleep, no help with childcare, financial worries, family worries, work worries etc. Now DC are over that baby stage it's getting a bit easier and we haven't talked about it for a few years.

I think about this sometimes, but not as fantasising. Just to check whether I definitely want to be with him. We don't live together so it would be easy to break up. I don't want to sleepwalk into staying with him - I find it reassuring to go over the pros and remember why he is worth being with.

I didn't do that with my exh. With him I spent a lot of time finding excuses for his inconsiderate behaviour. I wondered if I would be able to put up with it when the kids left and it was just us two - I knew I'd be lonely. I imagined what it would be like if I left then. It didn't occur to me that I might leave earlier, because of all the excuses I had for his behaviour: I thought that leaving him would be an overreaction on my part. So we stayed together until his inconsiderate behaviour turned into an affair.

Never. Though I do think about not having him in my life and how sad that makes me feel.

However, no kids with him, don't live with him. Only 3 years together.

I've been with him for 19 years and I've never thought like that.

4 years and never...
My late husband 13 years, he was disabled so it was bloody hard work, but still never!

recently yes, I have had a really good serious think about over the past couple of days but have decided the grass isn't always greener & it's really not something I want

Never. The thought of being without him makes me feel ill.

Never. In fact the thought makes me feel really sad!

Sometimes. I agree with the 'attachment style' comment - I am just naturally a person who likes their own space and much as I do really love dh I struggle sometimes with not having enough time and space on my own. I crave more autonomy and fewer compromises sometimes. It's a feeling that's increased now that we're both working from home most of the time.

I have felt this way in all my relationships though, it's just who I am and it's not really about him. He's lovely really and our marriage is very happy overall.

I've never been with anyone that I felt I couldn't live without.

The older I’ve got, the less I want to compromise. And I’d be happy to live alone to get that.

I dream about it all the time.
I would never actually want to split because im incredibly happy with my life but in my dreams I have a little cottage that’s perfectly decorated and clean with a gorgeous garden filled with flowers. I dream about the different outfits I would be wearing and DH flirting with me when he comes to collect the kids. Usually I’ll be in the process of baking an apple pie or biscuits. Doing the things I’d like to be doing in reality but never find the time.

I did this a lot with XH and I do it a bit with DP. I reckon I’m not really suited to committed relationships; I never fantasised about them when I was young and ever since then the idea of a relationship has always seemed a bit weak or something? Certainly claustrophobic. I let the feelings pass each time but yeah, I’ll never be 100% ‘all in’

Been together 30 years. Never had this thought.

Every time we have a row .

My parents are unhappily married though so I think my natural instinct is to want to get away every time there's a bump in the road for fear of ending up like that.

It's hard because every time my DP is moody with me or we argue about something, in my head I'm going through "Why am I even here? I could be single with no upset like this" etc etc.

But I've never said this to him or seriously wanted to leave.

@ughwhatnow

Sometimes. I agree with the 'attachment style' comment - I am just naturally a person who likes their own space and much as I do really love dh I struggle sometimes with not having enough time and space on my own. I crave more autonomy and fewer compromises sometimes. It's a feeling that's increased now that we're both working from home most of the time.

I have felt this way in all my relationships though, it's just who I am and it's not really about him. He's lovely really and our marriage is very happy overall.

Agree with this completely.

I'm an independent person and happy to spend time on my own, do things on my own. I also can't be arsed with constantly compromising over everything, that's one thing I hate about being in a relationship...having to discuss plans I want to make or things I want to do or things my family have invited us to. Things are so much simpler when you're single, even though there are downsides too.

All day every day.

@ughwhatnow

Sometimes. I agree with the 'attachment style' comment - I am just naturally a person who likes their own space and much as I do really love dh I struggle sometimes with not having enough time and space on my own. I crave more autonomy and fewer compromises sometimes. It's a feeling that's increased now that we're both working from home most of the time.

I have felt this way in all my relationships though, it's just who I am and it's not really about him. He's lovely really and our marriage is very happy overall.

@ughwhatnow @Glitterygreen I’m completely the same way. I’m married but I need my physical and mental space. Sometimes I say in my head, “Why are you BREATHING so much? Can’t you stop?!” 😂

I definitely plan trips away by myself just to have time alone.

I think about it every day at present. We nearly split. When DW agreed we needed to separate I felt such relief. But she changed her mind. She is a good person and she believes she could not be happy without me. Although she believes I am not that nice, am untrustworthy and want to cheat on her. I don't, I just want to be on my own.

But what right do I have to prioritise my happiness over hers when she isn't abusive or that unkind. If we split in our 50s financially it will be a horrible hit for us both. Does she deserve that? For all the stories of 'we split and we're both happy now' there are as many about one person being wrecked by it.

Don't get me wrong, if there is abuse then leave. If it hurts the abuser so be it, they reap what they sow.

First 15 years together, never! Couldn’t imagine life without them.

Last 2 years- a few times to be honest!
Last 2 weeks, everyday!!

Never evet

Very, very occasionally in the 35 years we’ve been together. Only after serious quarrels.

I do however have regular and quite intrusive thoughts about being alone if he dies.

We are better together. It’s sad reading so many people are so unhappy.

Never. Only in a negative way fuelled by fear he will find someone better than me. I couldn't imagine my life without him.

At times I feel I could happily walk away, when hes been a dick about something, when he says something truly embarrassing, when we row.
But it probably works out about twice a year. Difference is I was alone before I met him and I know I can go back to my own home and cope well. So I stay because I love him and want to be with him.
I do (God the honesty here) wonder how I would cope if he became disabled or required care for some reason. I can envisage the arguments now that I should leave my job to care for him and he wouidnt want carers in, but I cannot imagine giving up my job for that.

I guess I just hope it wont come to that.

With my exh I used to fantasise about that all the time. Now I'm in a very happy relationship I can get teary & sad at just the idea of ever being without my current partner!