If you’re in a relationship how often do you think about splitting?

[UpToMyEye]

Not necessarily talk about it with your partner, just as in fantasise about what life would be like without them, how things would change, what you would do with your time/space?
Not sure if other people do this and if it’s indicative of something

@scaredsadandstuck

The things that stop me are the kids, that I know it's not what he wants, money, that everyone would think I was crazy (and awful for hurting him) because he's such a 'great guy'.

This is exactly how I feel.

Every day. I completely agree with your last post. I wish he would hit me so I could leave and take the kids with me. End all of our suffering.

I absolutely adore DH. But I do sometimes consider how I would cope without him. Financially, practically, emotionally.

@electricdreamm

I only think about this when we have a big argument. The rest of the time I think about how we're going to move forwards in life together. I think if you consider your life without them a lot, then it's a sign things aren't quite right and you might be happier with someone else..

Or being single! There are options other than being in a relationship you know.

All the time when we first got together because we'd both been wrecked by unpleasant divorces and their consequences and I was so hypervigilant that everything looked like a red flag. Very occasionally now, because sometimes he does thoughtless things that trigger that "flight" response from me, but the idea melts away as soon as I start to think about the emotional and practical aspects of actually splitting after almost 20 years together and when we're so compatible in so many ways. I'd hate to be without him.

I thought about it every day and then I did it m

Together 6 years, have lived together 6 months. Have never fantasised about splitting up, I was single and miserable for so long before I met him (having bounced around the depressing dating scene and been burned more than once) so I appreciate what I have. We have a good partnership, don't argue but do have regular disagreements that get sorted quickly enough.

Quite a lot. Usually when we’ve had an argument or he’s just driving me mad.

Quite often. I dream about having my own space and just being alone. I sometimes wish he would meet someone else so we could split and I wouldn't feel bad about him being lonely.

Never.

Quite often, maybe once every couple of weeks or more.

I actually love DH hugely and we are happy but I am a fantasist and realise that I’m maybe just slightly childish, then I get over it.

Dh and I have been together 12 years and never once even crossed my mind. I’d be devastated if we split (he’s a wonderful guy). I would assume it’s definitely indicative of something.

All the time. It's shit.

Never to be honest, we're together 13 years and I couldn't begin to imagine life without him.

Only after a big argument and in a sort of childish ‘that will show him’ sort of way. All in my head, never voiced aloud and it always dissipates once the argument blows over

This is worth a read.

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/you-dont-have-to-hate-someone-or-no-longer-love-them-in-order-to-break-up/

Every day. I used to fret about him having an affair, now I wish he would. Everyone thinks he's a great guy but he is emotionally unavailable and selfish. I dream of being on my own with my dog.

I haven't thought about breaking up but do thing about what I'd do if he died. It's not an enjoyable thought, more of a gnawing worry.

But I really don’t know what stops me - love? I do love him, I do sometimes wish I didn’t though
I actually sometimes wish he would do something awful like cheating on me or hitting me so I’d have a concrete reason to end it that no one would disagree with
Does anyone do this too?*

I used to feel like this with my exh. Eventually I left but it was hard to do.

With my current partner I do think about it a lot but mainly it's not down to him but his nutter of an ex who he shares children with. I fantasise what my life would be like to not have it limited by her via his kids (not blaming them at all).

All the time. I've given myself a end date if my feelings dont change by then we will split.

With current dh never.

With exdh constantly. Especially in 2014. I used to wonder what it would be like to have my own flat and do my own thing. I eventually got my own flat in 2015 and lived alone for a year before dh moved in.

Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if he hadn't moved in but then he works nights and when he's at work and the kids are at my parents I am incredibly lonely so I couldn't go back to living alone again.

I had a gut feel that would never go away. We tried a break, split once. Got back together. Etc.

The gut feeling never went away.

It ended up being a trust issue. He was quite deceitful at the start and lied a lot. Red flags that out down to age as he was younger.

But if you’re thinking about splitting. You have to have a good think about why. I still love my ex and probably always will but I have equal amounts of hate for him too so I’m on neutral ground.

Not often. Weve been together 13 years and dont fight much but about once a year we have a huge blowout fight and of course I think to myself "oh it's all over and we have broken up" and I think about it. Its dramatic and of course in 24 hours we make up.

I also think about it in context of making decisions about things. I'm not naive and much of my family have been divorced. For example I paid a weightier deposit on our house so I thought about it then in a legal context, friend of mine wants to get pregnant so she can give up working. This is not something I would chose to do in case we broke up. It does impact big life decisions as I always want to be in a position to care for myself and any children I may have.

Off and on. I have an avoidant attachment style

Multiple times a day, and in the night if I wake up.