If you’re in a relationship how often do you think about splitting?

[UpToMyEye]

Not necessarily talk about it with your partner, just as in fantasise about what life would be like without them, how things would change, what you would do with your time/space?
Not sure if other people do this and if it’s indicative of something

Every single month fro sure and sometimes every weekend.

With my. Ex - every waking moment. Current partner. Never

Nope, never. Married almost 40 years, anniversary this Easter.

Never. Even on the rare occasions he pisses me off.

But with my ex husband it was pretty much every day. I used to wish he'd drop dead so I wouldn't have to deal with him ever again.

This is interesting, such a variety of answers

To the people saying every single day - what stops you?

Also lots of people saying they only do this when times are bad, which is also very interesting
I do this every day, even when times are good

But I really don’t know what stops me - love? I do love him, I do sometimes wish I didn’t though
I actually sometimes wish he would do something awful like cheating on me or hitting me so I’d have a concrete reason to end it that no one would disagree with
Does anyone do this too?

@UpToMyEye

This is interesting, such a variety of answers

To the people saying every single day - what stops you?

Also lots of people saying they only do this when times are bad, which is also very interesting
I do this every day, even when times are good

But I really don’t know what stops me - love? I do love him, I do sometimes wish I didn’t though
I actually sometimes wish he would do something awful like cheating on me or hitting me so I’d have a concrete reason to end it that no one would disagree with
Does anyone do this too?

Yes, I relate to the last bit of this post. I think to myself if he had an affair or hit me or dropped dead of a heart attack, I would be free without the blame being on me. Its awful when you write it down like that, but I think it's only a fantasy, not something I would want to happen in reality.

Every second of the day

@UpToMyEye I question 'what is love' do you?

Been married 25 years. I’ve never had this thought. He’s the best man I know.

I’ve been with my husband for 12 years
He annoys the shit out of me

But honestly I’ve never thought of leaving him. He’s my better half.

Plus I’m almost certain he’s the only one who would accept my sorry arse!

The thought crosses my mind every so often but I imagine worst case scenarios quite a lot. They don't even cause me anxiety, it's just abstract doom I guess.

If you imagine splitting from your partner as a fantasy you wish would come true, that's as good a sign as any that you should just do it.

The things that stop me are the kids, that I know it's not what he wants, money, that everyone would think I was crazy (and awful for hurting him) because he's such a 'great guy'.

With my ExH - every day.

Split 3 years ago. Now I’m ecstatically single and have absolutely no inclination to not be.

Never. Not for a single second in the thirty years we've been together. My worst fear is that he dies suddenly. If I were longing for my partner to disappear, I hope I'd have the moral courage to end the relationship.

I think about it a bit. But not in the sense where I actually want to do it IYSWIM? He can be a moany git and incredibly insecure at times around his intelligence and abilities and i wish he would take a day or 2 to be elsewhere.

Randomly, in the new SATC show And Just Like That... Miranda and her professor wax about life on being alone and it was interesting to hear those thoughts from women on TV. It's not about him or the kids, it's about being able to be in your own space and your own head as, when and how you please.

DH is an excellent father, loving husband but has baggage, as do I. When he comes home from work mine and DDs day is complete. BUT, if you were to say that 2 FULL DAYS every week I could be on my own with no one and it be socially acceptable, I would do it! Thankfully I did marry someone who likes their own space and have 2 DDs who have this trait too, so I am lucky.

@gannett I like "abstract doom"- good definition

Well I love him completely but wonder why when he's spent the last 3 hours of our limited time together playing cards in the pub while I'm sat on my own. Right now I'm ready to walk.

@Blanca87 it's interesting you said attachment style. I think that plays in part in my fantasising about it a bit.

My DH can be difficult but so can I so it's just a nice release to envisage the single life.

Sometimes I fantasise about being the only person on the planet but still with all utilities working, food and access to books and stuff.

I suppose that counts

I absolutely adore my dh and we have been together since 1989. However, ever since children and even now that they are grown up I have fleeting fantasies of a flat just off Sloane Square or Onslow Gardens that has soft pale beige carpets, white furniture and lots of mirrors in which I have smoked salmon and champagne suppers in bed. Preferably with a maid coming indaily to bring me tea in bed and clean meticulously.

Quite a lot, I even bought a house just in case I want to. Staying for now though.

Been together 14 years and thankfully never, I mean sometimes I go to a fatalistic, how would I cope if he died thought process. Surely this is a clear indicator things are not working?

Daily...

Right now, all the time.

Interesting to hear others have been through these times and come out the other side. Gives me some hope.

scaredsadandstuck

The things that stop me are the kids, that I know it's not what he wants, money, that everyone would think I was crazy (and awful for hurting him) because he's such a 'great guy'.

I can really relate to this!

Honestly, never. Been together 24 years.

I sometimes fret about how I'd cope without him if he died or something though.