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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

to bang or not to bang

112 replies

UrsLW81 · 12/02/2022 13:02

Okay divorced 41 year old here. I've got to talking with a much younger guy (24) and he's incredibly flirty. Not my usual type at all but the physical attraction is off the scale. I impulsively agreed when asked for my number and we are now texting a lot, is this a terrible idea to bang this guy? Would be the first time with a new guy in 20 years

OP posts:

KaptainKaveman · 12/02/2022 23:25

Bang, hump, shag, bonk, screw, fuck
fornicate, mount....there are so many delicious verbs to describe the sexual act. Whatever makes you feel good baby.

MissConductUS · 12/02/2022 23:51

Bang is common American slang and not especially vulgar here.

Carry on OP. 😁

DonnyBurrito · 12/02/2022 23:53

You have a great imagination.

All and sundry, no... very close friends, especially in ther 20s? Yes! Who else are you going to talk about sex with? Your nan?

Hen2018 · 13/02/2022 00:13

Sounds like you’re pondering whether to knock 2 reception rooms together.

Sonaftersonafterson · 13/02/2022 00:32

Do it!!! Have fun

Without being horrible to you though, your use of the word bang is shocking!! Really not a nice way to describe it , jesus

StrongSunglasses · 13/02/2022 02:16

Chuck out the Ricky Martin “bang” analogy and just play this to him 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

StrongSunglasses · 13/02/2022 02:29

With this as the qualifier

StrongSunglasses · 13/02/2022 02:31

(I know it’s what one does with it btw rather than this being strictly accurate, just loving the 90s sex songs now I’m in the rabbit hole tbh)

dipdye · 13/02/2022 02:59

Carry on banging op

GlamorousHeifer · 13/02/2022 08:36

Bang him to the moon and back
The mock offence taken by some posters at relatively ordinary slang terms on here makes me cringe.
We don't all hit 30 and suddenly start wearing twin sets and monitoring every word that comes out of our

GlamorousHeifer · 13/02/2022 08:37

Mouths!

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 13/02/2022 08:40

Go for it
The miserable folk on here are just jealous

Moooning · 13/02/2022 08:48

Absolutely brilliant name for a thread

Tinacollada · 13/02/2022 08:51

OP if you would like to have coital relations with this man go for it !

(Of course she can use the word bang!! )

ImWearingReallyJudgyPants · 13/02/2022 08:54

@Dontforgetyourbrolly

Go for it The miserable folk on here are just jealous

🤣🤣🤣

Not sure why anyone would be jealous of a middle-aged woman who's thinking of "banging" a random boy on the basis of having his phone number and conversing largely via text...

me4real · 13/02/2022 08:57

I'd do it. In fact I did a few years ago.

Just keep reminding yourself it's unlikely to be serious, or they're likely to dump you eventually.

Not sure why anyone would be jealous of a middle-aged woman who's thinking of "banging" a random boy on the basis of having his phone number and conversing largely via text

@ImWearingReallyJudgyPants She's thinking of banging him because they're presumably both up for it, hence they swapped numbers. Nothing wrong with that.

jezzyj · 13/02/2022 09:10

Not sure why anyone would be jealous of a middle-aged woman who's thinking of "banging" a random boy on the basis of having his phone number and conversing largely via text...

You won't like this but this definitely Sounds like jealousy. Bit silly to pretend you don't know why- probably the fact she's still getting attention for on younger men, and presumably others arent

I have no stakes in this btw, I'm not in my 40s yet

liveforsummer · 13/02/2022 09:23

This comes up a lot and opinions are always divided. Some saying yes go for it (but I always wonder if the cheerleaders would follow their own advice). A success story or 2 and many saying no way my son/nephew etc is that age. I'm the same age as you and definitely in the last camp. Cannot imagine being attracted and hanging out with and especially sleeping with someone nephew's(who is actually older than this man) age. Just no way!

myrtlehuckingfuge · 13/02/2022 09:25

Go for it, I had a similar scenario/age difference a couple of years ago. I thought he was in his late 20's, he thought I was in my mid 30's- we met in 'real life' rather than OLD. We were both shocked when we actually found out each other's ages. It was absolutely amazing, so much fun. Parted on good terms, nothing serious and I'd say we both learnt a lot (not just about banging).

liveforsummer · 13/02/2022 09:36

@Dontforgetyourbrolly

Go for it The miserable folk on here are just jealous

Definitely not jealous. Plenty option to 'bang' a early 20 year old. OLD is awash with them it seems a common fetish. They set their age to 40 odd then explain in the comments how they are mature, prefer older women etc with lots of strapping muscly pictures of their virile self to tempt us oldies. Not sure how often it works, judging by some comments on here sometimes. Not for me I'm afraid.

ImWearingReallyJudgyPants · 13/02/2022 10:02

Seriously, the very, very last thing I would be of this idea is jealous. I would have less than zero interest in a young boy fancying me. It would feel completely yuck (to me).

However, I would be very jealous indeed if the OP had attracted the attention of an attractive 60yr old with a large bank balance.

I think one reason young men like the idea of sex with older women is that they think they might get away without having to use a condom because there's probably no risk of pregnancy - and almost certainly no risk that she'll become clingy and start banging (ahem) on about weddings.

5128gap · 13/02/2022 10:10

@jezzyj

Not sure why anyone would be jealous of a middle-aged woman who's thinking of "banging" a random boy on the basis of having his phone number and conversing largely via text...

You won't like this but this definitely Sounds like jealousy. Bit silly to pretend you don't know why- probably the fact she's still getting attention for on younger men, and presumably others arent

I have no stakes in this btw, I'm not in my 40s yet

IMHO while there may be some jealousy, its equally likely to be due to internalised attitudes to older women: Older women have had their day and should be content now to sit quietly concentrating on their families and gentle hobbies. Fun and sex are for the young. No young man could really be attracted to someone older unless it's a fetish or they're using them, as only young women are attractive. Older women must view and relate to younger people in a maternal manner only. If older women must have sex, it should be discreet, civilised sex with an age appropriate man, and in the absence of that, its better to have no sex at all. When women start acting outside of this narrative, it ruffles feathers. People don't necessarily want to do it themselves (the very idea!) they're just hardwired to disapprove of those who do.

jezzyj · 13/02/2022 10:12

Yeah I agree @5128gap

ImWearingReallyJudgyPants · 13/02/2022 10:22

Actually, I agree with some of this too @5128gap
As it happens, I'm having the best and most frequent sex I've ever had (I'm a bit older than the OP), with a partner who's older than I am. I have definitely internalised the idea that an older woman and a younger man is 'unnatural' (because why would a man want to have sex with a woman whose ovaries have dried up, along with much else? I think that's the way it works). I have also spent most of my life being regarded as young and pretty - so while I'm still very pretty, I've found it hard to come to terms with getting older. Which is another reason why I would be utterly turned off by a young man being sexually interested in me: it would make me feel even older.

I hadn't really thought about why I find the idea so repellent (apart from not wanting to have sex with someone the same age or younger than my oldest child), so it's quite interesting to try to work out what's going on.

5128gap · 13/02/2022 11:12

@ImWearingReallyJudgyPants

Actually, I agree with some of this too *@5128gap* As it happens, I'm having the best and most frequent sex I've ever had (I'm a bit older than the OP), with a partner who's older than I am. I have definitely internalised the idea that an older woman and a younger man is 'unnatural' (because why would a man want to have sex with a woman whose ovaries have dried up, along with much else? I think that's the way it works). I have also spent most of my life being regarded as young and pretty - so while I'm still very pretty, I've found it hard to come to terms with getting older. Which is another reason why I would be utterly turned off by a young man being sexually interested in me: it would make me feel even older.

Interesting you say it would make you feel even older. I'm 52, and very happy with it. I've lived a long time, had amazing experiences and developed a knowledge of myself, other people and the world I wouldn't want to be without. Im far more interesting and good to know than i was three decades ago. I don't look 20s, but I do look rather lovely, much better than when I was young, and I certainly don't compare myself negatively with younger women, as I have my beauty, they have theirs. The interest of younger men makes no difference to how old I feel. I feel my version of 52 regardless. What it does do is confirm that older doesn't mean undesirable, invisible, disgusting, overlooked, which we've been told for such a long time (typically by older men with skin in the game) and still tend to tell ourselves and each other.

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