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Original poster

He called me a friend in valentines card

125 replies

Novalentinesssss · 12/02/2022 08:04

My boyfriend and I have been together a year. We couldn’t see each other Valentine’s Day so had a night last night, he left for work this morning and propped a card up. I opened it up excited to see what he would say as it would be our first Valentine’s Day together.
In the card he thanked me for everything I do for him, and thank you for being the friend he needs. We never had the conversation that we were boyfriend and girlfriend but we always call each other it, as far as I’m concerned we were together.

Him calling me a friend has really thrown me off, he then said he loves me and appreciates me. Wouldn’t you just say girlfriend? It’s like he avoided it.

OP posts:
gannett · 12/02/2022 19:03

@Novalentinesssss

He said I’m not just sex, our friendship is the most important thing. He said he’s been the most open and honest with me, he’s upset that I would bring this up. He then said what did you want me to write a proposal in the card.

I personally feel like I’m Mrs Right Now and he’s upset I called him out on it, I did end up saying I want to be loved so much someone writes a poem about me, that I want to be the best thing that has ever happened to them.

Wow you referenced the old card he wrote his ex?

Not that I've ever written a Valentine's card (because it's not important) but if someone I was seeing threw an incredibly meaningful compliment back in my face and referenced some meaningless gushing from an old failed relationship - there wouldn't be much coming back from that.

I hope you get the wisdom, one day, to realise that to be loved so much that your lover is your best friend as well IS the best thing that can happen to you. But you've fucked it this time.

trackerby · 12/02/2022 19:04

Hang on.....he actually said he's not your boyfriend?

Opaljewel · 12/02/2022 19:05

Just dump the prick. He's told you exactly what he thinks. Don't let him waste another year of your life.

OohRahhMaki · 12/02/2022 19:08

Was going to say you are reading too much into this... but your latest update proves me wrong.

Dump the bastard, he's clearly leading you along and trying to get out of things on a technicality... What a bellend.

trackerby · 12/02/2022 19:14

How often do you normally see him OP? That's quite a jump from Friday night to way past Valentine's.

Original poster
Novalentinesssss · 12/02/2022 19:15

I just sent him a message and saying I love you so much but I want a real relationship he clearly doesn’t so it won’t work

OP posts:
PanickedE · 12/02/2022 19:16

Oh dear… how often have you seen him the last year?

I think it can be normal to not be in love a year in if you only see each other weekly for example but he should be growing more fond of you each time he sees you

Opaljewel · 12/02/2022 19:17

It's for the best love. You don't deserve second best.

Planetzero1 · 12/02/2022 19:35

You were right to be disappointed with the card and he has confirmed you are not ‘boyfriend and girlfriend.’ At least you know now he didn’t feel the same as you.

Sonaftersonafterson · 12/02/2022 19:36

The card says it all. Besties!! Good grief. He has made it clear how he feels and I'm not surprised it hurts.

Do NOT let him make you think this is you being needy or weird or sensitive or creating drama.

Original poster
Novalentinesssss · 12/02/2022 20:13

Thank you everyone for your kind comments, we haven’t spoken since so I guess it’s over

OP posts:
Rewis · 12/02/2022 21:57

Sorry op, at least you found out now before investing even more time.

LizzieSiddal · 12/02/2022 22:07

You obviously have very good instincts and unfortunately you’ve been proved right. I’m so sorry OP but at least you know where you stand and you haven’t waisted any more time with him. Flowers

LittleWins · 12/02/2022 22:12

Urgh he’s just fobbing you off. Thank god it’s come to light and you can stop wasting time on this idiot.

He’s certainly no friend.

SmellyWellyWoo · 12/02/2022 22:15

I call DP my best friend because he honestly he is. He was my best mate before we got together and continues to be. That friendship underpins our relationship and is the glue that binds us together.

CousinKrispy · 12/02/2022 22:22

I'm sorry, OP

Original poster
Novalentinesssss · 12/02/2022 22:29

He said we have a relationship but I want a title????

OP posts:
Original poster
Novalentinesssss · 12/02/2022 22:29

What does that even mean of course I want the relationship that comes with a title. I want someone who is proud to be with me

OP posts:
iwishu · 12/02/2022 22:52

What a dick, you don't want to false him reluctantly into giving you a title, he should want to as much as you, if he felt the same.

Men that say that, don't want to commit in my experience.

TibetanTerrah · 12/02/2022 22:57

@Novalentinesssss

What does that even mean of course I want the relationship that comes with a title. I want someone who is proud to be with me
No he's manipulating you now. Making out you're the problem. Nope.
Branleuse · 12/02/2022 22:57

Hes trying to turn it round on you. Hes upset because youre upset,??

No he hasnt done anything wrong, but he has told you where you stand. Its perfectly understandable to me that youd be upset by a valentines card being all about how youre just a friend to him

lisaandalan · 12/02/2022 23:02

My husband and I are 34 years married but we are friends too, it strengthens the marriage to be friends too, you trust each other and tell each other everything like friends do. X

deathofastrawberry · 12/02/2022 23:02

This is sad Sad sorry OP. Have you spoken to him again about it? Surely there's a reason he didn't want to make it official.. is there a possibility he was seeing other people? It all just seems a bit odd how he got all defensive and turned it around on you when he should be clear about what he wants, especially as you clearly love him and are so invested in him. I wouldn't waste any more time on him to be honest as he's really messed you around and wasted your time.

Original poster
Novalentinesssss · 12/02/2022 23:05

It’s so confusing. He said he chooses me. He says I know what he’s working towards. Apparently we already have a relationship but I just want the title.

It’s so weird how this has happened. Surely if that’s true a title wouldn’t be too much to ask? I don’t think it’s a magic wand but why the drama

OP posts:
MsDogLady · 12/02/2022 23:12

OP, you rightly believed you were a couple.

You always call each other boyfriend/girlfriend and have established exclusivity. Yet he now balks that you are not really boyfriend/girlfriend because you never had a conversation about it?

If he viewed you as just ‘Besties with Benefits,’ he should not have been calling you his girlfriend all this time, and he should have spoken up when you reciprocated. He misled you, but has now changed the dynamic via the card, and had the gall to blame you you for needing clarification.

He’s not a good guy after all. Flowers