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Original poster

He called me a friend in valentines card

125 replies

Novalentinesssss · 12/02/2022 08:04

My boyfriend and I have been together a year. We couldn’t see each other Valentine’s Day so had a night last night, he left for work this morning and propped a card up. I opened it up excited to see what he would say as it would be our first Valentine’s Day together.
In the card he thanked me for everything I do for him, and thank you for being the friend he needs. We never had the conversation that we were boyfriend and girlfriend but we always call each other it, as far as I’m concerned we were together.

Him calling me a friend has really thrown me off, he then said he loves me and appreciates me. Wouldn’t you just say girlfriend? It’s like he avoided it.

OP posts:
SRK16 · 12/02/2022 09:57

My husband is my best friend and we’ve always called each other this. So for me, it wouldn’t be an issue.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/02/2022 09:57

A poem?! 🤢 you know far too much about the ins and outs of his last relationship, why is that?

I agree. Why would he tell you about that? How bizarre and really inappropriate. If this relationship feels off, stop wasting your time and end it.

liveforsummer · 12/02/2022 10:00

OP has clarified just a couple of posts down why she knew what was in the ex's card.

AlDanvers · 12/02/2022 10:06

Still confused about why you read the card.

But, it doesn't really matter. Maybe he realised he wrote the poem because it was expected of him, rather then because he wanted to.

Maybe he has written what's he really feels rather than some nonsense that he only wrote because he had to.

Original poster
Novalentinesssss · 12/02/2022 10:08

I just couldn’t help myself, I shouldn’t have read it because here we are.

I suppose I won’t know until I really talk to him

OP posts:
AlDanvers · 12/02/2022 10:09

@Novalentinesssss

I just couldn’t help myself, I shouldn’t have read it because here we are.

I suppose I won’t know until I really talk to him

Are you seriously going to ask why he wrote a poem to his ex AND want him to explain the sentiment he put in the card? And why you don't get a poem?
Original poster
Novalentinesssss · 12/02/2022 10:11

No I’m going to speak to him about what he said in MY card

OP posts:
supercali77 · 12/02/2022 10:15

Id also be unhappy about 'friend', not in the context of every day things, my bf will sometimes say I'm his best friend and likewise. But a first valentines after a year, i'd want a wild declaration of love and fancying the arse off me. Context is everything really and a major context here is you've seen a previous valentines so you're adding up score cards in your head.

Most of us want the people we're with to be as head over heels as we are, and less than that is a bit of a cold shower. But the reality is you don't really know how he feels from this, it could be that he really values the friendship part, maybe its something he's never had before? If it really bothers you, ask him

Zucker · 12/02/2022 10:15

I was fine with the mention of friend in the card but the addition of bestie makes me think he's not the one. Bestie!?! to describe a romantic interest doesn't pass the vibe test! Time for a chat OP.

DDMAC · 12/02/2022 10:20

Are there any other areas of your relationship where it feels slightly off?

Always go with your gut.

MrsEricBana · 12/02/2022 10:21

I think he meant it as the highest of compliments, after all, surely what could be better than being in love with your best friend? It's not relevant what he wrote to his previous partner.

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/02/2022 10:21

My husband is my best friend.

Sprucewillis · 12/02/2022 10:22

Why do you know about the EXGF valentines card?

Sprucewillis · 12/02/2022 10:27

Ok sorry up to speed now. Had they been together a long time? I don't think it's helpful to compare relationships or set standards or timeframes.

I think being the friend of your partner as well as lover etc it actually the best thing you can be. He obviously values you and says he loves you.

I don't think I would question him about it. It would I think flag issues that aren't really there in your relationship about trust etc. I think this is best forgotten Thanks

Walkingalot · 12/02/2022 10:28

I would be put out at the mention of being 'besties' tbh. It's supposed to be a romantic occasion. Maybe it's his way of telling you how he really feels.

LampLighter414 · 12/02/2022 10:32

I think you're reading too much into it unless you have some more drip feed to reveal. Spending lots of time together? Regular sex? Otherwise all good relationship? If so, he's just pointing out that amongst the many things you are to him he appreciates you being his best friend as well as a lover (this isn't always the case!). I think it's nice to know

gannett · 12/02/2022 10:43

@Novalentinesssss

I think it is an insecurity because i know what he said to his last girlfriend for valentines. She was apparently the best thing that ever happened to him and he wrote her a poem. I know peoples relationships are different but I was expecting a bit ‘more’.

We are like best friends who are really sexually attracted to each other, we can talk about anything and talk all the time. It is my insecurity

Have you considered that even though he put that in her card, it didn't work out anyway. Maybe he's learned that OTT gushy stuff is completely meaningless compared to knowing your partner is also your best friend, which is a sentiment to really treasure imo. Far better than a poem.
Juniper68 · 12/02/2022 10:46

@CrushedPistachios

How/why do you know what was said to his ex girlfriend on a Valentine card?
I wondered that?
Teeturtle · 12/02/2022 10:57

You have been together a year, you call each other boyfriend / girlfriend and he has said I love you. He also thinks you are his best friend. I don’t know what the problem is here.

(You shouldn’t have read the card to somebody else, most of us have loved before).

ittakes2 · 12/02/2022 11:03

friends don't give each other valentines cards. calling you a friend is a compliment to how close emotionally he feels to you.

TheHoptimist · 12/02/2022 11:08

I think that is wonderful
married 32 years- my DH is my best friend

Hellolittlestar · 12/02/2022 11:17

I thank my husband for being my best friend.
I think you might be overthinking this.

user33323 · 12/02/2022 12:11

Maybe he realised a poem was overdoing and a cliche after his ex rejected it, so deliberately toning it down for yours.

PushingAnElephantUpTheStairs · 12/02/2022 15:14

I think you need to view the poem through a Jane Austen lens...

It sounds like your relationship is built on something much deeper but potentially less exciting and romantic. It's OK to want a bit of that too and it might be an idea to have a chat about it. I don't think it shows he feels any less about you, just that it's more comfortable.

Original poster
Novalentinesssss · 12/02/2022 16:39

I tried to talk to him, he said we didn’t have a conversation about being boyfriend and girlfriend. If I wanted to I could have approached him and had a conversation about it. He said he feels like I’ve attacked him because a friendship is the most important thing in a relationship and I’ve made him feel not good enough

OP posts:
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