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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I need some sense knocking into me please. Lost my head putting it down to time of year I hope

121 replies

Justcallmeplank · 01/01/2008 14:16

This is a strange one and I'm hoping that by putting this down in black and white I'll have a lightbulb moment and wake up in the real world. If not I'm hoping for some sense knocking into me.

Ok, have been in touch with a guy, quite by accident. Met over the phone (long story) back in september and have been talking and texting regularly. The longest gap in between was 5 days. We wind each other up, laugh, talk about rubbish and he puts a smile on my face. I haven't told him anything too personal.

The issue being is this:
He lives about an hour away and has a job which involves lots of traveling and where he's on call.
This is the apparent reason why we have not met. He was in the area saturday before christmas but I couldn't get away to meet him. I've said I'd drive half way and meet somewhere in the middle but its never come to anything.

I've said to him about it and broke contact a couple of times now. He says he understands and his job is a problem. (He's working on something so that he can leave this job and do something else, which will come about in easter).
My braking contact doesn't last long as he'll send a text or ring saying something funny and I reply.

As we have never met, I've been on a few dates and even have a casual thing and I'm sure he's not been sat at home twiddling his thumbs either. Well, yesterday I sent him an email saying that basically not to contact me again unless its to arrange to meet and that I had been dating etc but was tired of it and was looking for something a little more, not serious but not casual either and that I would like to meet to see if there is a spark or even to see if we would be good friends if anything.

He rang not long after I sent the email,I didn't answer, didn't know what to say but texted back saying sorry missed call gathered he'd got the mail, am about if he wants to ring again. Kicking myself for not answering and for getting caught up in something that rationally is not realistic.

I've become fond of a guy I have never even met!!!!! So what the heck am I doing?!?!! My friends have done the riot act with me but then he'll ring and I can say anything to this man and he'll wind me up about it butit's accepted and thats so refreshing but there again I still haven't met him!!!

I am usually a level headed woman, feet on the ground type of thing more of a doer thana thinker but still appear to have lost my senses....Please knock some sense into me and tell me to wake up.

OP posts:
HappyNewYear2008 · 01/01/2008 21:13

had to post...

do it. you've never seen him to feel embarassed and this 'liason' hasn't stopped you dating.
some people are more humerous on text etc than rl.
although i think this wont be going any further unless... maybe... he is breaking up with someone and tying up loose ends first..
fingers crossed this turns out ok and what you want it to be. x

DavidTennantsMistress · 01/01/2008 21:14

yes I know who you mean.

mad - not thinking she should drop by on the door stop - that's a bit stalkerish.

MumRum · 01/01/2008 21:17

madamez calm down.. no one said she was going to arrive on his doorstep... 192 will give names of anyone over 18 in the house.. she will get a good idea from this if he is married...

DavidTennantsMistress and twinsetandpearls.. you are talking in riddles..

twinsetandpearls · 01/01/2008 21:27

I think tbh it is best left in riddles tbh.

How come everyone knows everyone's christmas names, I never know who anyone is.

Beetootoyourself · 01/01/2008 21:30

you don't know his real name do you?

DavidTennantsMistress · 01/01/2008 21:31

agreed T&P.

surely you know his real name - job, age that sort of general thing?

MumRum · 01/01/2008 21:49

Justcallmeplank, hasn't been on for nearly an hour.. either she's
found some juicy info about him via the internet,
or
she could be speaking to him and arranging a date...

Justcallmeplank · 01/01/2008 22:00

Of course.........name, age dob, where lives, job previous jobs, ex's, pets,quirks and bits about family. It's all taken on faith of course.

I googled but nothing....feel guilty now. Especially after reading some of these posts. But will leave it there.

Still haven't sent.

OP posts:
Justcallmeplank · 01/01/2008 22:02

lol just seen mumrums post. Nope not yet. Been tied up on the phone but not with guy.

OP posts:
Cappuccino · 01/01/2008 22:05

what is 'mule'?

I don't think your email makes a lot of sense sorry

PersephoneSnowballSnape · 01/01/2008 22:06

turn up on his doorstep wearing a (faux) fur coat and no pants.

sorry , couldn't resist. i guess you'll find out if he's married if you do the above.

to be serious. I once wasted a year and a half on a bloke like this, i finally woke up one day and thought i deserved better. so do you. give him the chance, send the damn email, wait for a few days and then scrub him out of your mind and get on with meeting someone that you deserve.

Justcallmeplank · 01/01/2008 22:11

he's texted me!!!! about message yesterday. has just said read your email crumbs it was long'

OP posts:
Beetootoyourself · 01/01/2008 22:18

see - nothing about meeting etc - just keeping you hanging on ...AGAIN

DavidTennantsMistress · 01/01/2008 22:20

send one back saying yep and to the point what do you think? - if he doesn't reply you have your answer. this will be his final chance.

Beetootoyourself · 01/01/2008 22:23

DONT ANSWER FFS

Justcallmeplank · 01/01/2008 23:29

I didn't answer so he rang, just got off the phone to him. Apparently he's going to see if can switch somethings around through the week and come up before the end but is not sure what day yet...

I'm not holding my breath will see what comes of it...

OP posts:
LobstersLass · 02/01/2008 00:52

Gosh! What a surprise.
Yet again he's not able to make a decision and is keeping you hanging.

Isn't that surprising.
Who'd have thought it eh?

Aitch · 02/01/2008 01:08
Hmm
northernmummy2 · 02/01/2008 08:04

I'd given him the benefit of the doubt all along- and I still think that for your peace of mind you had to contact him- but why, or why, can he not see you one evening? Is he saying that he can't and he has to free up some time during the day? If so, he is one very busy guy- or if he can only see you daytime, well, that is suspicious!

Have you "192'd" him?

Also, even if he is married, it hasn't stopped him from speaking to you and carrying on this virtual relationship- so if he is with someone it must mean he just cannot take that step to make it into something else with you.

DavidTennantsMistress · 02/01/2008 08:10

get rid, set a date or not at all I say.

foofi · 02/01/2008 08:39

Have just tried the 192 site and I'm not on it, and neither are my relatives, so it's obviously a bit hit and miss anyway.

DavidTennantsMistress · 02/01/2008 08:46

OMG i'm on there as is DH - and if you pay you can see god only knows what details - how do I get mine removed - I don't want it open to the general public like that.

foofi · 02/01/2008 08:49

If they're getting it from the electoral roll and other info in the public domain, I'm not sure there's much you can do. I'm just curious as to why my info isn't there too. Perhaps cos we're ex-directory.

MumRum · 02/01/2008 08:51

foofi how long have you lived in your house? If is less than a year you may not be on the electoral roll there but at your old address...

DavidTennantsMistress · 02/01/2008 08:52

so am I so that should have nothing to do wiht it.

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