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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I need some sense knocking into me please. Lost my head putting it down to time of year I hope

121 replies

Justcallmeplank · 01/01/2008 14:16

This is a strange one and I'm hoping that by putting this down in black and white I'll have a lightbulb moment and wake up in the real world. If not I'm hoping for some sense knocking into me.

Ok, have been in touch with a guy, quite by accident. Met over the phone (long story) back in september and have been talking and texting regularly. The longest gap in between was 5 days. We wind each other up, laugh, talk about rubbish and he puts a smile on my face. I haven't told him anything too personal.

The issue being is this:
He lives about an hour away and has a job which involves lots of traveling and where he's on call.
This is the apparent reason why we have not met. He was in the area saturday before christmas but I couldn't get away to meet him. I've said I'd drive half way and meet somewhere in the middle but its never come to anything.

I've said to him about it and broke contact a couple of times now. He says he understands and his job is a problem. (He's working on something so that he can leave this job and do something else, which will come about in easter).
My braking contact doesn't last long as he'll send a text or ring saying something funny and I reply.

As we have never met, I've been on a few dates and even have a casual thing and I'm sure he's not been sat at home twiddling his thumbs either. Well, yesterday I sent him an email saying that basically not to contact me again unless its to arrange to meet and that I had been dating etc but was tired of it and was looking for something a little more, not serious but not casual either and that I would like to meet to see if there is a spark or even to see if we would be good friends if anything.

He rang not long after I sent the email,I didn't answer, didn't know what to say but texted back saying sorry missed call gathered he'd got the mail, am about if he wants to ring again. Kicking myself for not answering and for getting caught up in something that rationally is not realistic.

I've become fond of a guy I have never even met!!!!! So what the heck am I doing?!?!! My friends have done the riot act with me but then he'll ring and I can say anything to this man and he'll wind me up about it butit's accepted and thats so refreshing but there again I still haven't met him!!!

I am usually a level headed woman, feet on the ground type of thing more of a doer thana thinker but still appear to have lost my senses....Please knock some sense into me and tell me to wake up.

OP posts:
TLV · 01/01/2008 20:12

mmmm, if he is single why have you not met, that is what i would be asking myself something defo amiss me thinks but then thats just me being cynical

madamez · 01/01/2008 20:17

QUite a lot of people enjoy online/phone/text flirting but don't actually want to meet up. THat's not necessarily a crime (he might be ugly, HIV+, disabled, broke and living with Mummy and yet enjoy the flirting because when he's flirting he can be the sex god of his dreams...) lots of people have longstanding friendships with folk they never meet and never will IRL, think of all those old ladies who started writing to each other via penfriend schemes and kept doing so for 50 years.

THis man is not 'THE ONE' for you, in part because there is no such thing, merely a pool of attracitve available compatible people. IF you are lookihg for a partner, you need to spread your net pretty wide and be prepared to make some good friends who you don't fancy and to meet some utter lunatics as well as finding some folk you might actually enjoy dating.

Beetootoyourself · 01/01/2008 20:21

A TROLL

OH NO

Justcallmeplank · 01/01/2008 20:26

Ok, lots of give it a miss and a few to send.

This is email I'm thinking of sending

Ok this is what I'm thinking of sending, Trying to air on the banter bit, but showing I like him, without sounding desperate and that I can take him or leave him.

Christmas should come with a warning and a ban on sentimental music and couples. Thankfully its now over and its back to normal.
Its been one of two reasons why I've been antsy. That and not having met in this time makes me nervous. That may not make sense. I'm hoping it does. I enjoy our converstaions and texts, which is why I reply in the way that I do...rather than saying clear off. You put smiles on my face in other words and its always good to know someone who can do that. Your still a mule though. You have my number and the balls in your court should you like to meet. Enough said.

Is it a sender or do I leave it??

OP posts:
MumRum · 01/01/2008 20:37

for what its worth I don't think that Amanda1 was a troll...
can you not give him a deadline in which to reply...if he hasn't replied by then.. move on....

twinsetandpearls · 01/01/2008 20:37

what is antsy, it makes me think if ants in your pants which in turn makes me think of pubic lice. I don't think this is the line which is going to snare your man.

twinsetandpearls · 01/01/2008 20:38

I agree about the deadline, men like deadlines?

What is a mule, you can tell I have not been single for years, must be far too old for this lark.

pirategirl · 01/01/2008 20:41

you have wasted to many words imo.

leave it, let him come back to you before you make any further contact, it will save your pride in the end.

TLV · 01/01/2008 20:44

for me I would say if he really wanted to meet you then he would have done by now and I would be worried that someone didn't suggest it after being in contact with me (but thats my opinion)

TLV · 01/01/2008 20:45

and no no no to sending the email

MumRum · 01/01/2008 20:48

do you know his name, I mean his full name and the are he lives? you could try 192.com that may give you a clue to who he lives with..

Justcallmeplank · 01/01/2008 20:48

Yep was thinking if not met by the end of january taking into account he's away just over 7 days of it then I would absolutely leave it. Leave it now really just reply to see if its to arrange to meet and if not to leave it.

Antsy is on tenderhooks, anxious. Didn't really want to use either of those but yep antsy is a bit naff too will re think. whilst putting my two noisy boys to bed and then just send it. Then its done. I will feel like a prize idiot I'm sure but it will be temporary and I will know I gave it a shot and learn from it all.

OP posts:
DavidTennantsMistress · 01/01/2008 20:50

jcmp - it's up to you, if it was me i'd send a mail in a day or two saying sorry bout the way my previous email came accross - i'm not very good company rihgt now, but what I said still stands. hopefully you'll want to meet up if not it was fun chatting to you. all the best jcmp.

(got to admit you have me worried now bout meeting my chappy next week! lol - he's broughtt he date forward!)

Justcallmeplank · 01/01/2008 20:51

OOOOO Mumrum whats the 192.com??

OP posts:
DavidTennantsMistress · 01/01/2008 20:52

or you could just do a google search on his name and be a real bunny boiler!

twinsetandpearls · 01/01/2008 20:55

let us google search for you, I have an hour before being carted off to hospital for the night again.

WideWebWitch · 01/01/2008 20:56

I can't believe you're spending this much energy on someone you a) haven't met and b) who refuses to meet you and c) is odd at best and married/very strange at worst.

Really agree with beetroot, move on.

DavidTennantsMistress · 01/01/2008 20:56

yeah go on we'll sus him out lol.

MumRum · 01/01/2008 20:58

www.192.com you can search for people/businesses via the electoral roll..
I'd also do a google search and image search on his name...
do you know what his job is?? it sounds very mysterious.. maybe he's 007..

DavidTennantsMistress · 01/01/2008 20:59

lol. ark at us lot eh! on the other hand thou if he was a psycho or something then you might find somehting online to put you off of him!

why won't he meet you in RL?

MumRum · 01/01/2008 21:00

the electoral roll will give you an idea of who he lives with... thats if you know his first and surname, and where he lives.....
by the way where does he live... one of us may be married to him know him

twinsetandpearls · 01/01/2008 21:02

If my memory is correct that scenario has been played out on here before.

DavidTennantsMistress · 01/01/2008 21:04

T&P - are you thinking london, july, and T?

madamez · 01/01/2008 21:10

Erm, how would you feel if someone you had been flirting with online did a google search on you and turned up on your doorstep, panting and desperate? FFS he's not obliged to meet you, after all.

twinsetandpearls · 01/01/2008 21:11

I think so, don't know what the T bit is but London and July is right.

Sorry have probably dragged up something best left hidden, please delete my post if it is innapropriate or was it all a Troll?