I need some sense knocking into me please. Lost my head putting it down to time of year I hope

[Justcallmeplank]

This is a strange one and I'm hoping that by putting this down in black and white I'll have a lightbulb moment and wake up in the real world. If not I'm hoping for some sense knocking into me.

Ok, have been in touch with a guy, quite by accident. Met over the phone (long story) back in september and have been talking and texting regularly. The longest gap in between was 5 days. We wind each other up, laugh, talk about rubbish and he puts a smile on my face. I haven't told him anything too personal.

The issue being is this:
He lives about an hour away and has a job which involves lots of traveling and where he's on call.
This is the apparent reason why we have not met. He was in the area saturday before christmas but I couldn't get away to meet him. I've said I'd drive half way and meet somewhere in the middle but its never come to anything.

I've said to him about it and broke contact a couple of times now. He says he understands and his job is a problem. (He's working on something so that he can leave this job and do something else, which will come about in easter).
My braking contact doesn't last long as he'll send a text or ring saying something funny and I reply.

As we have never met, I've been on a few dates and even have a casual thing and I'm sure he's not been sat at home twiddling his thumbs either. Well, yesterday I sent him an email saying that basically not to contact me again unless its to arrange to meet and that I had been dating etc but was tired of it and was looking for something a little more, not serious but not casual either and that I would like to meet to see if there is a spark or even to see if we would be good friends if anything.

He rang not long after I sent the email,I didn't answer, didn't know what to say but texted back saying sorry missed call gathered he'd got the mail, am about if he wants to ring again. Kicking myself for not answering and for getting caught up in something that rationally is not realistic.

I've become fond of a guy I have never even met!!!!! So what the heck am I doing?!?!! My friends have done the riot act with me but then he'll ring and I can say anything to this man and he'll wind me up about it butit's accepted and thats so refreshing but there again I still haven't met him!!!

I am usually a level headed woman, feet on the ground type of thing more of a doer thana thinker but still appear to have lost my senses....Please knock some sense into me and tell me to wake up.

Why not today? New Year's day is as good as any for contacting him- otherwise I'd leave it a 3-4 days.

(Deep breath) Thank you, Ok, I'm going to do it today. I'll text and I'll do it after teatime. This will be my complete and utter last attempt then I can put it behind me and get on with the rest of the year.

Ok ok , I'm thinking of saying something along the lines of

In retrospect my mail was a tad harsh/weird. Putting it down to the time of year...couples everywhere & the music..which should be banned lol. Another reason is that we've been in touch since sept & have not met. For all I know you could be in prison, married or any one of many options.

Maidamess - have stole your line there hope you don't mind. Have no idea what to say at the end?? do I ask to make a time and place to meet? Should I apologise for my mail?
Just don't want to get this wrong, want to make my last attempt one where I can walk awaty and not think I should have said this or that, iyswim

you suggest you meet and he WONT
you say don't contact me - and now you are contacting him

Just leave it - you said what you thought, he has not suggested you meet = he is either married pig ugly or just playing you along when he is bored

have some pride - move on

I don't agree with beetoot...

I'd give him a last chance, but I wouldn't make it as heavy as your ideas in your last post-no comments about who he might be or what he's up to- sounds accusing etc etc- I'd just say "was a tad harsh - why not let's meet up before the end of this month- care to name a time and place?" - then leave it to him. If he doesn't, then that's your answer.

Beetoo I know this in my head but then have a follow up thought of what if and after dating I realise how hard it is to find someone who you click with. Which I would say over the phone we have clicked whether it be friends or as something else. If I contact him one last time, saying for all I know he could be anyone then his reply or lack of one will tell me everythign I need to know.

hopefully he will get back in touch and understand and arrange to meet to alleviate the wariness of who he is. If he is a decent guy.

If he doesn't get back in touch then he wasn't a decent guy and it was all just front and my lesson will be learned completely and utterly.

I don't think your e-mail was weird or harsh. This guy sounds like he's stringing you along.

Why didn't he e-mail you back to get in touch with you? He could easily have done that.

Like bee says, you need to find some self-respect - he's probably got a few women on the end of the telephone waiting for him to contact them.

I agree with beetroot, theres nothing less attractive than a desperate woman (sorry) if he wants you he knows what he has to do and he knows how to contact you. He knows you will keep running back so why should he make any effort. The balls in his court.

beetoot is right, i would seriously just leave it

I just wonder why you think things will be different this time? You've given him a load of opportunities to meet and he's ducked out of every one. I hate to say this but if he were really keen, he'd find some way to get to see you, no matter how tough his travelling schedule.

You've said your piece, now leave the ball in his court. You've already sent him a New Year text too.

Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone where you have to do all the running?

I wouldn?t necessarily assume he was married off the back of not meeting up, other than not wanting to meet, how is his communication with you? Is he always available to talk to? Can you reach him whenever you call? Or does he do all the ringing/is it all on his terms? If so then I would wonder about whether he is attached, but if he?s always at the end of the phone then I would say it is probably unlikely he?s married. But I would question whether he is really as keen as you are, maybe he just sees this as a bit of fun and doesn?t want to make things more serious by meeting. After all, while you?re still only talking on phone/text/email you?re not real, youre children are not real, he doesn?t have to face the realities of being with you, iyswim?

I would send him an email along these lines:

?I know I said yesterday that this should be it, but I really wanted to just clarify how I?m feeling/what I?m thinking. We?ve been talking now since September, and I?ve felt that there?s been an incredible chemistry between us when we?ve talked, and I?ve wanted so much to see whether that chemistry still exists when we meet in person. But every time we?ve talked about meeting, there?s been a reason why you?ve not been able to, and this has left me wondering whether you actually do want to meet me, or whether there might be a reason why you can?t meet me.

I know that it?s daunting meeting someone for the first time that you only know through a virtual world, and that there?s always a chance that the chemistry could not exist in person, but if we never meet, we?ll never know will we? I also know that talking to someone on the phone/by email/text is hugely different to being an actual part of their life/their children?s lives, and of course I do realize that this prospect is daunting for anyone ? it is for me too, but a friendship that is based purely on voice/text communication really doesn?t have any future does it?

I?m not going to push it any more, you know that I want us to meet, so it?s up to you now to tell me through your actions whether that is what you want as well. If not, I will understand, and I wish you every happiness wherever life takes you.?

I think you should leave it.
If he wants to get in touch with you, he will.

If he doesn't acknowledge the e-mail that you're planning to send, then you'll feel like a prize idiot.

I feel so stupid for being caught up the way I have.

He is on the whole reachable and if not he generally replys back, something along the lines 'that he's tied up at the minute but will call me back as soon as he's free' Not that i ring him all the time.

We generally talk once twice a week rest are texts and its been him who does the chasing as he's generally the one who rings and him who texts first (purely because I don't know who the guy is in rl and he could be just toying with me so I've tried to just think that if he gets in touch then he does) until it comes down to meeting then he backs off. Which is why I've hung in for as long as I have.

I've had a think and before I pick up my self respect, which admittedly and ashamedly is on the floor (let this guy get under my skin) I might as well send one last email and see what happens....which to be honest I don't think will come of anything but will be closure for me on a bizarre/good/confusing/flattering experience.

Pixiepip and wannabe thank you I'll be using things in your posts in the email.

Everyone who quite rightfully said to the contrary about getting in touch again, thank you!! your words will remind me not to contact him again and should he contact me and its not to meet before january is out, then I will say 'Chuffin eck!! - Clear Off/Get Lost/Bug Off!!' lol

I love mumsnet, you lot are stars thank you!!!!

do let us know what happens plank - i am hoping for a real life date thing where you hit it off in real life as much as you do in phone/email/text.

this is a bit like Amanda1 last year... do keep us informed of any updates...

Good luck! I bet you wished you hadn't posted as you've got so many contradictory posts...

however, in your heart you know what you want to do, and even if it draw a blank, maybe now you feel stronger about it.

I personally think it's worth one last shot, even if it's just to prove to yourself that you were right...

let us know what happens.

Why don't you ask him if the reason he hasn't met up with you is because he's married or not really very appealing? I once got totally hung up on an internet flirtation. I was obsessed with him and he had a nice photo and never would meet up. Eventually after six months of phone calls etc I met him. He was boring and ugly and fell madly in love with me at first sight. I never went on the internet date siter again cos I was so annoyed with myself about what a div I had been.

this is not like Amanada

Amanada shagged her boss on his desk and then it was a fairy tale ramance

Plank - you are a desperate woman and it is not fanciable!!

Ignore and move on

beety.. but they could meet and fall in love then shag at the bus stop....

i'm in the don't contact him again camp.

you've made your position clear - ball's in his court. or maybe he doesn't have any?!

Thanks for your support and I'm curious as what happened with Amanda1 last year? Did it work out well in the end??

Rosalinda - Oh dear...You still in touch with the guy?

I've got an attack of the collywobbles.....thinking should I, shouldn't I......press send.

as far as we are aware Amanada is getting married tothe guy. They shagged, he bought her a dress, he took her to a posh party - etc

If he wanted to meet adn fal in love he would have arranged to meet up as she has given him loads of opportunities.

I am sorry but plank is just leaving her dgnity dragging on the floor and the sooner hse realsies this and gets on with out this MARRIED MAN - the better

Beetoo Ouch!!! don't hold back woman, you tell me.....i'm kidding, your point is noted and taken.

I am just taking on board thr title

LOLOLOL I know you are and I appreciate it.....I'm thick skinned i can take it lol and you do have a point.

think the general consensus though was that amanda1 was actually a troll? considering all trace of her was obliterated from every part of the internet it had previously been on. some thought she was writing a novel.