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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husbands snoring- won't go to GP

96 replies

Disneydatknee88 · 08/02/2022 20:54

I'm at my wits end with my husbands snoring. In our old house he had a sofa bed in his man cave so I'd get the occasional restbite but we moved 2 months ago with nowhere else for him or I to sleep when I've had enough. I've tried ear plugs. I tell him to roll over in the night when I'm really annoyed but it only works for about 10 minutes before he starts again. It doesn't matter whether he sleeps on his side, his back, his front. More pillows. Less pillows. I've asked him to go to the GP but he refuses. Says they will just tell him to lose weight and stop smoking which he isn't willing to do. He has this stupid man child idea in his head that if he goes to the GP they will tell him he's got cancer or something serious and he doesn't want to know. He never goes to the GP, ever. We had a row tonight and I said fine I will phone the GP for you and book you in. He seems less paranoid about me arranging it for him for some reason? When did I become his secretary? This is literally the only thing we disagree on. He's a great dad and husband so I won't be LTB for his fog horn sleep routine. Can the GP do anything? Mostly just venting here. How do we fix this?! I'm so exhausted.

OP posts:
PostThenGhost · 08/02/2022 20:59

Ime they really will just tell him to lose weight, stop smoking and reduce alcohol tbh.

2021mumma · 08/02/2022 21:06

You have my sympathies- my husbands snoring is horrendous I can hear it from opposite ends of the house. The doctor was rubbish if I’m honest he got prescribed a nasal spray which didn’t work. The best thing we have found is a custom made mouth guard - was about £100.

2021mumma · 08/02/2022 21:06

And my husband doesn’t drink, smoke and is slim!

frozendaisy · 08/02/2022 21:09

Sleep aponea?

PermanentTemporary · 08/02/2022 21:11

Yes the GP can suggest things but if he's not willing to do anything about it not much will change. However, men who claim they won't do anything will sometimes leap into action if told to by an authority figure. Can you request a male GP?

In the meantime, maybe noise cancelling headphones for you? Look at moving again?

ufucoffee · 08/02/2022 21:14

I get up at the first snore and go and sleep in the spare room. If we didn't have a spare room I'd sleep on the sofa rather than be woken over and over again. My OH's snoring is so loud you can hear it from outside the house.

bumbledeedum · 08/02/2022 21:17

Depends on the GP. My DP is a horrific snorer and since having child (especially DS1 who didn't sleep for 2+ years) I couldn't cope any more with the lack of sleep so he finally went to the GP. First one he saw pretty much just shrugged his shoulders and said some people snore Angry since having second DS and living in a new area he's been back to see our new GP who was much more proactive, actually examined him for nasal polyps (I think that's what they're called) and ended up prescribing him a steroid spray and recommended a sinus wash thing which he had to buy on Amazon. Not the most pleasant experiences but when he does both regularly his snoring has been reduced to a mild rumble from a bone rattling snort that could wake the dead. So long and short, can get lucky with GP's or not unfortunately. I think it also helped I made him point out that it was seriously effecting our relationship and mental well-being by the point he saw the second GP. You have my greatest sympathy though OP, living with a snorer is draining.

Ps. Also tried a lot of the recommended devices and sprays sold for snoring over the years too!

fallfallfall · 08/02/2022 21:18

Please tell me what you think a GP can do about snoring.

LlamaLucy · 08/02/2022 21:22

Go and sleep elsewhere - air bed in the living room if you don’t have a spare room. Silent treatment too. See how long he likes not having you there. Maybe then, he’ll go to the dr.

FinallyHere · 08/02/2022 21:26

My DH tends to put off visiting the GP for any reason so when he mentioned that I snored very badly I made an appointment straight away to see the GP.

We went together and, well...

GP checked first that I did not have sleep apnea ( that slight pause before taking another breath ). He said that as long as I didn't have that, and I don't , that snoring would really have no impact my health.

GP went on to explain that snoring is only really a problem for the person listening.

He went further and said that it only tends to get noticed if the 'listener' is having trouble sleeping. One solution is for the 'listener' to try to get asleep first, before the snorer starts up.

I imagine that I still snore but DH hasn't mentioned it for years. Hope you find what works for you.

Neednameinspiration · 08/02/2022 21:28

My DP is also a nightmare snorer and because it doesn't bother him (unless I give him an elbow in the night if he is really bad) so has never been that inclined to anything about it. It drives me barmy though. Someone suggested he try Snoreeze Lozenges and they have really helped. Might be worth a shot? You can get them online and in chemists for about £7.

Interestingly, he has said he felt much better after a night's sleep when he had taken them too.

fallfallfall · 08/02/2022 21:31

Exactly @FinallyHere, very rarely is it sleep apnea. And sleep apnea machines are not quiet, the only solution is better ear plugs and separate sleeping arrangements.

Gerwurtztraminer · 08/02/2022 21:33

@frozendaisy

Sleep aponea?
Yes it's worth listening to the pattern of his breathing/snoring for a while.

The tell tale sign is that the snoring stops and there is no sound at all, for up to 30 seconds, then breathing starts with a sudden snorting / gasping sound. This is because they actually stop breathing in that period and can happen 100's of times in the night. Some people wake up briefly, some don't. There are other daytime symptoms too - obvious one being very tired no matter how much 'sleep' they got. See the NHS website. As well as lifestyle changes like addressing the weight, alcohol & smoking issues that make snoring worse, treatment is usually a CPAP breathing machine (which makes a noise but far better than the snoring)

If he is not prepared to make lifestyle changes and it's not a relationship dealbreaker for you, then it's either banished to the sofa long term, find a new place to live with separate bedrooms or you put up with it (and find better earplugs). Personally if he refuses to do the things which will be inevitably suggested by the doctor I'd interpret that as he doesn't care enough about me and my wellbeing and be very angry indeed.

Summerhouse1998 · 08/02/2022 21:39

@frozendaisy

Sleep aponea?
Agree with this...
Devon1987 · 08/02/2022 22:15

He is a selfish prick who is happy to rob you if your sleep. Book him into the GP and tell him has to go.

newbiename · 08/02/2022 22:16

Get him an air bed or sofa bed for the lounge. Unacceptable.

whiteroseredrose · 08/02/2022 22:19

I snore and I sleep in the spare room.

We both sleep better that way as I'm not permanently on edge because I might snore!

Is that an option?

Yamalt · 08/02/2022 22:23

He needs to sleep elsewhere if he isn’t prepared to make an effort to reduce the impact. Selfish!

frankiefirstyear · 08/02/2022 22:24

I use spark plugs ear plugs that I find work quite well, best I've found anyway. They're like memory foam so squash length ways, insert, then hold them in til they expand and this gives the best protection but they make my ears itch after a few hours plus need ears syringed now and then, I believe because of having to wear them.

IrishKatie1971 · 08/02/2022 22:35

Buy a sofa bed or one of those massive corner couch setups that is as good as ... or sometimes actually better than... a bed. In my experience, snoring didn't get cured despite the ex going to a sleep clinic. I was convinced it was sleep apnoea but they said he was fine. He smoked heavily and coughed and spurted during the night but told me I should get used to it. Ermmmm.... nope. He ended up sleeping in another room, it was the only way I would get a minutes peace. Really, get the living room set up for sleep.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 08/02/2022 22:39

Sleep apnoea is serious and quite rare yet everyone seems to think every snorer has it! I snore and DH is always mentioning this but I wake up bright as a button and don’t fall asleep in the day. He snores as well but denies it.

IntendingWell · 08/02/2022 22:41

He needs to sleep elsewhere.

36degrees · 08/02/2022 22:55

My DH has sleep apnoea and it's treated but he still snores. We have a really comfy corner couch and he gets offended if I use it, but it's that or work in a low responsibility part time job and get 24 hours in a Premier Inn every week to catch up on sleep, or do a higher-income full-time job and be a decent wife and parent on a full night's sleep, so it's his choice. I can't cope at work or in life more generally without sleep so that's what it comes down to.

Solidarity, OP, no sleep is soul destroying.

Lemonandadropofhoney · 08/02/2022 22:56

Get a mouth guard from Amazon for around £20. It moulds to fit his teeth. DH no longer snores and is now allowed back in the bed! Whenever he forgets to wear it he will wake up with a sore throat in the morning from me wringing his neck

Aquamarine1029 · 08/02/2022 22:58

You're married to a man who has no respect or regard for you. That's the real problem here.

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