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Original poster

Husbands snoring- won't go to GP

96 replies

Disneydatknee88 · 08/02/2022 20:54

I'm at my wits end with my husbands snoring. In our old house he had a sofa bed in his man cave so I'd get the occasional restbite but we moved 2 months ago with nowhere else for him or I to sleep when I've had enough. I've tried ear plugs. I tell him to roll over in the night when I'm really annoyed but it only works for about 10 minutes before he starts again. It doesn't matter whether he sleeps on his side, his back, his front. More pillows. Less pillows. I've asked him to go to the GP but he refuses. Says they will just tell him to lose weight and stop smoking which he isn't willing to do. He has this stupid man child idea in his head that if he goes to the GP they will tell him he's got cancer or something serious and he doesn't want to know. He never goes to the GP, ever. We had a row tonight and I said fine I will phone the GP for you and book you in. He seems less paranoid about me arranging it for him for some reason? When did I become his secretary? This is literally the only thing we disagree on. He's a great dad and husband so I won't be LTB for his fog horn sleep routine. Can the GP do anything? Mostly just venting here. How do we fix this?! I'm so exhausted.

OP posts:
Heartofglass12345 · 08/02/2022 23:03

He may have sleep apnoea and need a CPAP machine. I have it and even though being overweight doesn't help, they told me that isn't the reason I have it. I stopped breathing on average 75 times an hour. It can have serious and even fatal consequences if left untreated for long enough.
I don't know what you can do if he won't go to the GP though. You being exhausted through lack of sleep isn't good either.

Ionlydomassiveones · 08/02/2022 23:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/02/2022 23:07

What a load of rubbish. Snoring is involuntary. There is no magic cure for it apart from her moving house.

Bullshit. Losing weight and quitting smoking can both absolutely help with snoring. Her husband isn't willing to try anything, he can't be arsed.

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 08/02/2022 23:11

Sat next to my snorer now. When he used to work nights we could hear him over the TV in the living room while he was in bad.

I find a quick elbow jab helps.

He's not overweight, rarely drinks and had never smoked. He has put a little weight kn recently but he was slim enough that it s probably a healthy gain.

I'm ordering some snore strips from amazon but would love to hear if anyone has found anything that really works.

(Sleeping in another room is not an option, we are a loving and rather romantic couple and always sleep snuggling and my anxiety is too bad for earplugs as I wouldn't be able to hear for anything sinister yes I know that sounds silly)

whiteroseredrose · 08/02/2022 23:12

@Lemonandadropofhoney

Get a mouth guard from Amazon for around £20. It moulds to fit his teeth. DH no longer snores and is now allowed back in the bed! Whenever he forgets to wear it he will wake up with a sore throat in the morning from me wringing his neck
This works for my DF as he snores with his mouth open.

Didn't work for me as i sleep with my mouth clamped shut but snore through my nose.

MrsSkylerWhite · 08/02/2022 23:14

Sounds like sleep apnoea.

A C-PAP will sort him out. You’ll get used to sleeping next to Darth Vader after a while, too. Far less disturbing than snoring.

DrMadelineMaxwell · 08/02/2022 23:15

Dh is also a gp-dodger. He also used to snore horrendously. And it also didn't matter if he was asleep on his side or his back. He definitely had sleep apnoea as there were long gaps in his breathing, then noisy gasps as he restarted breathing. He would constantly drop to sleep on the sofa if he sat in the day, even snoring when sat upright.

He wouldn't see the gp about it even when I was clear that he had apnoea.

(Sort of) happily, he got diagnosed with T2 diabetes in 2020 and went on to lose about 8 stone in weight. And no longer snores.

I do still snore. Am trying to lose some weight myself to see if it stops my snoring, but am not that much overweight. I tell him to wake me if I'm snoring as my pet hate was that I'd try and nudge him, then get moaned at because I was waking HIM up, when he'd been keeping me awake for ages. It was a race to get to bed and fall asleep before him as I could usually sleep through well enough.

But I was ready to leave him over it just before his diagnosis and his weight loss. His diet also reversed his T2 so win-win!

Didimum · 08/02/2022 23:17

Seems like your DH has a health anxiety if he is that afraid of going to the doctor. All very well calling him a ‘man child’ but it’s a significant anxiety if it prevents him facing health issues - which will only become more pertinent as you both age. He wants you to call for the appointment as speaking to them also triggers the anxiety. Speak to him about this.

Original poster
Disneydatknee88 · 08/02/2022 23:18

We have agreed the most obvious solution is an option for me/him to sleep elsewhere when the snoring gets bad. Our furniture could do with an upgrade anyway so one sofa that pulls out as a bed is our only option!

OP posts:
gamerchick · 08/02/2022 23:19

@fallfallfall

Please tell me what you think a GP can do about snoring.
Erm refer to a ruddy sleep clinic? Hmm wtf is wrong with this place tonight?!

He needs to go to a sleep clinic, do the machine to see if he needs a CPAP. If he has sleep apnoea he's at risk of heart attacks and other shit. He's a knob for not taking it seriously.

Ionlydomassiveones · 08/02/2022 23:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

fallfallfall · 09/02/2022 00:47

@gamerchick, only 35% of people who snore have sleep apnea.
20% of those who are over 60 and snore have sleep apnea.
you don't need a dr.'s referral to attend a sleep clinic which begs to question the sales service and financial aspect of cpap machines and diagnosis.
the dr.'s route although a starting point for many will not give your results tonight or even this week.

Heidi451 · 09/02/2022 01:03

I snore like a pig and sleep in a separate room. I am overweight with asthma. My husband comes in in the middle of the night for a cuddle for a couple of hours then goes back to his room. I'm sorry but he does need his own room or you are going to be seriously worn down.

Does he have a thick neck (like a 17inch collar size or more). That can cause snoring and apnoea.
He needs to lose fat, get fit, clean up his diet and stop with the cigs and vape instead.

HarreePotter · 09/02/2022 01:13

If you get nasal sprays for it make sure to read the instructions on the back.. some sprays are sprayed directly up the nose to hit the back of the throat and some are designed to sit in the sinuses, if it's one of those then you need to angle the nozzle towards the ear on the same side, it'll get into the sinuses, reduce inflammation and not be swallowed. What a game changer this was for me!!!

HootOwl · 09/02/2022 02:02

@ufucoffee

I get up at the first snore and go and sleep in the spare room. If we didn't have a spare room I'd sleep on the sofa rather than be woken over and over again. My OH's snoring is so loud you can hear it from outside the house.
Bloody hell! If he's the one causing the problem why isn't he sleeping in the spare room? That's appalling!
HootOwl · 09/02/2022 02:03

@LlamaLucy

Go and sleep elsewhere - air bed in the living room if you don’t have a spare room. Silent treatment too. See how long he likes not having you there. Maybe then, he’ll go to the dr.
Ummm.. no! He can sleep on the sofa or airbed of whatever until he sorts it out! Why should OP not get to sleep in her bed because of her husband's issue that he won't deal with?
HootOwl · 09/02/2022 02:08

@FinallyHere

My DH tends to put off visiting the GP for any reason so when he mentioned that I snored very badly I made an appointment straight away to see the GP.

We went together and, well...

GP checked first that I did not have sleep apnea ( that slight pause before taking another breath ). He said that as long as I didn't have that, and I don't , that snoring would really have no impact my health.

GP went on to explain that snoring is only really a problem for the person listening.

He went further and said that it only tends to get noticed if the 'listener' is having trouble sleeping. One solution is for the 'listener' to try to get asleep first, before the snorer starts up.

I imagine that I still snore but DH hasn't mentioned it for years. Hope you find what works for you.

Lol!!! Some people are lighter sleepers than others. Most humans need a calm and quiet environment to sleep.

Healthy people do not snore usually. It is a sign of an underlying health issue, or being overweight, a breathing problem, some do it intermittently when they have a cold (fair enough as short term but again if bad enough to make you snore surely the polite thing to do is sleep in the spare room or on the sofa so you don't spread it, unless seriously ill like actual flu then fair enough to want the bed and the other person move).

I can't imagine how anybody can put up with that kind of noise in their bedroom on a regular basis?! Confused It must be hell. Sad

anonsattic · 09/02/2022 02:26

Dentist here.
I'd say go to gp and get referred to a sleep clinic.
Ask around local dentists as there will be some that are qualified to make a custom fitted anti-snoring device. The following article has a link to providers.-

www.s4sdental.com/news/treatment-for-snoring?format=amp

( they will also assess for sleep apnea, in conjunction with a medic)

Failing that, try getting him to wear a bra back to front with a tennis ball in the cup!

ufucoffee · 09/02/2022 07:52

@HootOwl he used to get up but I had to wake him to tell him to move and he's such a heavy sleeper it was hard to wake him. Doing this meant I was wide awake by the time he got up and I found it hard to get back to sleep. If I get up and toddle through to a spare bedroom it's much easier for me and I'm not as awake. I wouldn't do it if it wasn't, believe me!

mightbeyesmightbeno · 09/02/2022 08:02

I feel your pain @Disneydatknee88 , exactly the same situation here. The thing that upsets me the most (other than lack of sleep) is I feel lonely and miss cuddles in the night, as most nights DH gets relegated elsewhere. Might try a mouth guard as he is a mouth snorer .,

HootOwl · 09/02/2022 22:01

[quote ufucoffee]@HootOwl he used to get up but I had to wake him to tell him to move and he's such a heavy sleeper it was hard to wake him. Doing this meant I was wide awake by the time he got up and I found it hard to get back to sleep. If I get up and toddle through to a spare bedroom it's much easier for me and I'm not as awake. I wouldn't do it if it wasn't, believe me! [/quote]
Ahhh fair enough. Although if he's doing it regularly I'd be inclined to tell him to go to bed in the spare room in the first place! 😆

wishfuldreamer · 09/02/2022 22:23

Do you by any chance get acid reflux? My ex snores like this, unbelieeeeevably, loudly, abs the internet insisted that snoring through the nose was impossible. He started on omeprazole for the reflux and the snoring stopped. It was like fricking magic. Apparently your throat gets all irritated or something…

wishfuldreamer · 09/02/2022 22:23

Sorry, that was to @whiteroseredrose

SmellyWellyWoo · 09/02/2022 22:47

You have my sympathies. My partner sweats excessively at night, always goes to the toilet during the night (in his late 30s) and also snores. He isn't overweight or a smoker but will not see our GP. We have no spare rooms/beds and I'm at my wits end. I feel like his refusal to do anything is affecting my love for him. It's that serious now.

greasyshoes · 09/02/2022 23:29

@PermanentTemporary

Yes the GP can suggest things but if he's not willing to do anything about it not much will change. However, men who claim they won't do anything will sometimes leap into action if told to by an authority figure. Can you request a male GP?

What makes you think a male GP is more qualified to treat a man?