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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husbands snoring- won't go to GP

96 replies

Disneydatknee88 · 08/02/2022 20:54

I'm at my wits end with my husbands snoring. In our old house he had a sofa bed in his man cave so I'd get the occasional restbite but we moved 2 months ago with nowhere else for him or I to sleep when I've had enough. I've tried ear plugs. I tell him to roll over in the night when I'm really annoyed but it only works for about 10 minutes before he starts again. It doesn't matter whether he sleeps on his side, his back, his front. More pillows. Less pillows. I've asked him to go to the GP but he refuses. Says they will just tell him to lose weight and stop smoking which he isn't willing to do. He has this stupid man child idea in his head that if he goes to the GP they will tell him he's got cancer or something serious and he doesn't want to know. He never goes to the GP, ever. We had a row tonight and I said fine I will phone the GP for you and book you in. He seems less paranoid about me arranging it for him for some reason? When did I become his secretary? This is literally the only thing we disagree on. He's a great dad and husband so I won't be LTB for his fog horn sleep routine. Can the GP do anything? Mostly just venting here. How do we fix this?! I'm so exhausted.

OP posts:

Oblomov22 · 07/03/2022 15:34

I appreciate OP wants her Dh to go to the GP. But, not everyone who snores has sleep apnea. And for some who do, even the machine doesn't help. I'm wondering what exactly some expecting partners to do?

theemmadilemma · 07/03/2022 15:38

Is there any sleep apnea involved?

I happened to be awake to witness one in Partner. It was so scary that I made it clear the next morning how distressing it was to witness and how it is scarily unhealthy. He now has a CPAC and it changed his life in terms of sleep, and we're both happier.

SamphiretheStickerist · 07/03/2022 15:41

@Oblomov22

I expected my DH to explore anything and everything that could possibly help.

I did not accept "No, I don't want to"

We ended up working on compromises based on the effort he put in, the GPs advice and him having actually done something.

It's not that hard to work out!

GeneLovesJezebel · 07/03/2022 16:02

My DH refused to use a mouth guard so now we’re in separate rooms, and it’s bliss !

SatinHeart · 07/03/2022 16:06

@Oblomov22

I would expect a snoring partner to at least make some effort with investigating the problem, not just shrug it off and do fuck all about it. The GP might not be able to help but you don't know unless you try.

OP I assume the sleep deprivation is leaving you far too tired for housework/wifework/sex etc. Sounds like your man child needs some external motivation to deal with the issue.

Bjarnum · 07/03/2022 19:49

If he won't try anything to help himself record his snoring and play it back full volume whilst he is trying to sleep!

BobbinHood · 07/03/2022 19:51

TBH if he’s overweight they will just tell him to lose weight. There’s not much GPs will actually do anything for if you’re overweight.

Gassylady · 07/03/2022 20:11

Agree that it would be wise to try and encourage him (again) to see the GP. Through work I come into contact with many sleep apnoea patients treated with CPAP. The vast majority remain overweight but are still offered treatment as well as advised to make lifestyle changes. Untreated severe sleep apnoea can progress on to cause right sided heart failure. I think if he won’t even consider changing weight or smoking then he has little regard for his family and he should be the one to sleep elsewhere. Sleep deprivation is used as a torture technique don’t forget.

winnieanddaisy · 07/03/2022 22:38

Is he overweight? He could have sleep apnoea. This stops them breathing for several seconds throughout the night . The then start breathing again. It causes poor sleep and sufferers think they've had a good nights rest but can't understand why they still feel tired. His doctor can arrange for tests to be done and a machine to sleep with to keep his airways open . It will stop the snoring and give him a more restful sleep . Of course it may be something else entirely but a visit to his GP is definitely in order .

summerlovinvibes · 23/05/2022 10:08

@Lemonandadropofhoney do you have a link for the mouth guard that you'd recommend?

Flipflopblowout · 23/05/2022 12:29

Buy ear plugs

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 23/05/2022 12:33

Does he want to have a massive heart attack? Because that's what can happen with sleep apnoea. I have a cpap machine and I feel 100 times better with the machine, i no longer feel shattered every morning because I've stopped breathing 100 times a night.
Tell him he is being ridiculous and selfish.

Newgirls · 23/05/2022 14:39

Nose strips work well if it’s allergy/nose related - cheap so worth a go

CombatBarbie · 23/05/2022 15:48

Said it on another snoring thread but in Africa they snuff black cumin seeds. Wrapped in hessian and bashed. Few deep breaths before bed. They have used it for centuries.... Worked on my husband.

TopFox · 23/05/2022 17:33

I think you said he is a great husband / father, etc. Fair enough.

However, he is prepared to let you live through frustrating, sleepless nights. Its pretty selfish, putting his fear of doctors before your health and well-being. I would be pretty angry at this if it were me!

I think you need to have a heart to heart - if he doesn't want to go to Doctor, fine, he can find a spare room or sleep in a living room/at the other end of the house, or at a difference address altogether. They are the only solutions based on his intransigience. If he's not prepared to do anything about it, that is. Its only fair.

TopFox · 23/05/2022 17:38

ps. I am amazed women put up with this. And meekly go to the 'spare room', which not even everyone has by a long chalk. It would make me rage . Quite Literally.

TibetanTerrah · 23/05/2022 17:40

Banish him to the sofa. He needs to feel inconvenienced by this as right now it doesn't affect him, only you.

Original poster

Disneydatknee88 · 24/05/2022 23:57

Thank you for your replies. I see this thread has resurfaced again. He has been banished to the sofa during the week so I'm not exhausted for work but sleeps in bed at the weekends. We have talked at length about the Dr thing. He says they will tell him to lose weight (he is quite overweight), to stop drinking and smoking which he does most days. He is not willing to change his lifestyle to stop the snoring so he will just have to accept we can't sleep in the same room on the regular. I don't think he has sleep apnea. I have monitored him for a long time now and he doesn't stop breathing nor does he struggle to breath. I think it's Nasal and it's magnified by alcohol and heavy smoking.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 25/05/2022 00:08

We have talked at length about the Dr thing. He says they will tell him to lose weight (he is quite overweight), to stop drinking and smoking which he does most days. He is not willing to change his lifestyle to stop the snoring so he will just have to accept we can't sleep in the same room on the regular.

I don't understand how you can tolerate this. He doesn't care how this affects you, at all, and he doesn't even care about his own health. His selfishness is absolutely shocking.

ElenaSt · 25/05/2022 00:28

No offensive but he'll be dead soon if he's overweight, drinks, smokes and has sleep apnea and is a belligerent person.

Make sure he's leaving everything to you in his will.

You should be able to pin point when he pops his clogs here -

www.deathclock.com

Original poster

Disneydatknee88 · 25/05/2022 01:34

ElenaSt · 25/05/2022 00:28

No offensive but he'll be dead soon if he's overweight, drinks, smokes and has sleep apnea and is a belligerent person.

Make sure he's leaving everything to you in his will.

You should be able to pin point when he pops his clogs here -

www.deathclock.com

...he is only 37 and does not have sleep apnea. I don't think he's going to drop dead anytime soon.

OP posts:

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