Penis Envy

[incognitomode10]

This is an odd one, I just can't get my head around it. Bf & I are both in 40s, been together for over a year, both have DC from previous marriage/relationship.

He asked me a week ago if I had ever been with anybody with a large penis. I tried to evade to question, but he persisted, so I said yes, but actually it wasn't great.

Since then he's been cold and distant and said he needs time to "process the information" and now says that he can't get over it, so I think the relationship is over.

I don't understand what he's hoping for. That he will find a woman who hasn't been with a man with a large penis? How will he verify this? I hate how this situation is making me feel a bit - I don't know how to explain - like I've done something wrong...?!

Why are people generalising about "men" thinking like that - this isn't normal behaviour or thought pattern, so it's some men, and those men are weird, it isn't a universal man thing.

Many many men are not fixated or jealous about previous relationships, nor about a previous partner's genitalia, they're busy getting on with their own life.

@daisychain01

Why are people generalising about "men" thinking like that - this isn't normal behaviour or thought pattern, so it's some men, and those men are weird, it isn't a universal man thing.

Many many men are not fixated or jealous about previous relationships, nor about a previous partner's genitalia, they're busy getting on with their own life.

No agree that normal men are not but obviously enough women here have had the experience of men asking about that and there are certainly enough men getting off on men with bigger penises having sex with their partners to support that huge genre of porn - so yeah there’s plenty of them We even had a guy here telling us how ‘normal ‘ this behaviour is

@GrazingSheep

Life was simpler years ago ... That’s all

^ This

Lanaaaa

Let him ‘process the information’ that you’re breaking up with him for being such a weirdo!

And ^ this

@altmemmber is right . Reality is, size matters, so no wonder men can feel insecure about it. Every woman will have a feature about their body that they feel insecure about, could be anything from sticking out ears to the shape of their toes. But for men, the absolute no 1 thing that pretty much every man feels insecure about is the size of his manhood.

It's not logical, but it is what it is. Yes, women have much more to be insecure about but we men focus on what can be a small (joke intended) thing.

I’m a man (white), and had a partner (white) who told me that she had had a black lover in her teens. Now, in porn the men usually have larger than average penises and black men even larger than that (let’s not get into the usual discussion about what average is, and why so much porn involves white women and black men). I asked her the obvious question about his penis size, and the outcome was an unhappy one but for a different reason.

My partner was from very white country where black people were rare, and her lover was a high-status American academic and she was his student, much younger. He was married with young children, and she was probably one of a number of students he was sleeping with. She was enamoured with him and became pregnant. The prospect of having a mixed race baby by a black married man in her very white country as a teenager was too much, and she had a termination.

Telling this to me brought up a traumatic area of her past and I was sorry I’d asked what to me was an obvious bedroom question.

The moral is never to ask a question if there’s a possibility you won’t like the answer.

OP, if he’s sulky he will just have to get over it, or not!

[quote Danceswithwhippets]**@altmemmber* is right . Reality is, size matters, so no wonder men can feel insecure about it. Every woman will have a feature about their body that they feel insecure about, could be anything from sticking out ears to the shape of their toes. But for men, the absolute no 1 thing that pretty much every man feels insecure about is the size of his manhood.*

It's not logical, but it is what it is. Yes, women have much more to be insecure about but we men focus on what can be a small (joke intended) thing.

I’m a man (white), and had a partner (white) who told me that she had had a black lover in her teens. Now, in porn the men usually have larger than average penises and black men even larger than that (let’s not get into the usual discussion about what average is, and why so much porn involves white women and black men). I asked her the obvious question about his penis size, and the outcome was an unhappy one but for a different reason.

My partner was from very white country where black people were rare, and her lover was a high-status American academic and she was his student, much younger. He was married with young children, and she was probably one of a number of students he was sleeping with. She was enamoured with him and became pregnant. The prospect of having a mixed race baby by a black married man in her very white country as a teenager was too much, and she had a termination.

Telling this to me brought up a traumatic area of her past and I was sorry I’d asked what to me was an obvious bedroom question.

The moral is never to ask a question if there’s a possibility you won’t like the answer.

OP, if he’s sulky he will just have to get over it, or not![/quote]
But what has her having a lover , his colour Her getting pregnant got anything to do with men being idiots and bringing up penis size
Women simply don’t behave like this and as you point out we have much more to be insecure about
What on earth did you even ask her about past lovers penis in the first place

I asked her the obvious question about his penis size

Why on earth was is the ‘obvious’ question? It has never been obvious to me to ask my partner intimate details about their previous partners?

I’m a man (white), and had a partner (white) who told me that she had had a black lover in her teens. Now, in porn the men usually have larger than average penises and black men even larger than that (let’s not get into the usual discussion about what average is, and why so much porn involves white women and black men). I asked her the obvious question about his penis size,

Why ask it if it was obvious?

Anybody who's watched any porn at all will know that black men, on average have slightly larger dicks than white men, and that white men, on average, have slightly larger dicks than Asian (far east) Asian men.

So why bother asking?
Why did it need asked?

Underpinning that, Why does it matter?

Is dick size the only or even.mosr important thing to women re sex and relationships? In my experience, most definitely not. Men who cant see that are misogynistic, simple minded and ridiculous.

Is dick size the only or even.mosr important thing to women re sex and relationships? In my experience, most definitely not. Men who cant see that are misogynistic, simple minded and ridiculous

Yes. A man could have the biggest dick in the world, but if he was the sort of twat who asked me intimate details about my past partners I still wouldn’t want to shag him, or have a relationship with him.

Incidentally I dated a man who pronounced that if he and his mates/relatives knew a woman had been with a black man, they'd they'd touch her for a relationship etc.

That may have been about race, bit from my experience of his other attitutudes; was mostly about dick size. They could not get involved with a woman who'd been with a black man because, to his thinking, the main or inly reading she'd have gone for a black man was dick size. So she was dick size fixated and therefore highly sexually motivated, so she was slutty and untrustworthy.

The relationship obviously finished (the opinion above was one of many things) and I didn't even get into a discussion about it in order to say that I had been involved with black men because I lived in a mostly black country, they were around their looks and attitude was a novelty (not their assumed dick size) and they pursuer me. Most importantly I also get involved with Asian men while living in the far East for some of the same reasons, so this slutty size queen, also had relationships with men with smaller on average dicks .... i couldbt even be bothered arguing that out and defending myself against such tripe opinions. Men who think like this are simple minded misogynist imho.

There may also have been the similar belief (apparently) to ops partner, that she'd never be satisfied with their not big dick, and would cheat/leave/always he unfavourably comparing and dissatisfied, even if she said nothing.

*they'd not touch her for a relationship

There's no winning with a man like this.

I honestly think, even if you (op) somehow resolve this , something else will crop up (or this will be revisited) and this is the beginning of you being tortured about nonsense, due to his character and hang ups.