Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Penis Envy

111 replies

incognitomode10 · 06/02/2022 21:59

This is an odd one, I just can't get my head around it. Bf & I are both in 40s, been together for over a year, both have DC from previous marriage/relationship.

He asked me a week ago if I had ever been with anybody with a large penis. I tried to evade to question, but he persisted, so I said yes, but actually it wasn't great.

Since then he's been cold and distant and said he needs time to "process the information" and now says that he can't get over it, so I think the relationship is over.

I don't understand what he's hoping for. That he will find a woman who hasn't been with a man with a large penis? How will he verify this? I hate how this situation is making me feel a bit - I don't know how to explain - like I've done something wrong...?!

OP posts:
lifeissweet · 07/02/2022 04:37

What is it with men and basing their self worth on their size? (Not all men. But enough).

Some outliers are very large - and IME it is limiting, uncomfortable and not always a bonus.

Others are very small and that may be a problem, but can be made up for in many other ways.

But, in the main, most fall in the average range (of course) and that is absolutely FINE.

I would say, personally, I would prefer an average sized one to a whopping great tree branch any day.

So why do so many men feel insecure that they aren't hung like a shire horse? It's just so weird.

And this is batshit. Just don't ask the question. And if you do be prepared for an honest answer. Also, actually listen to the answer. You said 'it wasn't that great'. Couldn't be clearer that you're not exactly fantasising about it.

loislovesstewie · 07/02/2022 05:23

He's a twat. And the best sex I ever had was with a man with a very average penis, but for some reason he could do more for me in 5 minutes than others could do in 5 hours! Boy was he brilliant, he should have been prescribed on the NHS.
Sorry about that but your Bf really ought to be more mature than he is sounding.

RantyAunty · 07/02/2022 05:30

He needs to grow up.
I'd ditch him.

Isn't it amazing women are supposed to tolerate men wanking to other women but one comment about her past and men are sulking like a 5 year old

aurynne · 07/02/2022 06:43

Is your boyfriend 12?

JangolinaPitt · 07/02/2022 06:51

@TheBestofTimesTheWorstofTimes

"Process the information"?

What on earth else did you tell him that the other guy did with it - make shapes of animals with it like a weird balloon artist?

What a strange man

GrinGrinGrin
Lilymossflower · 07/02/2022 06:53

Red flag red flag red flag

PearPickingPorky · 07/02/2022 07:10

He just wanted to have a stick to beat you with, OP. Something to hold over you, something you have 'done wrong' (and it’s something that you can't change). This is a test, I think.

Be careful.

WouldBeGood · 07/02/2022 07:33

Very weird!

Pinkbonbon · 07/02/2022 07:43

So basically he set you up and is now shut shaming you!

Either this is his controlling nasty personality emerging. Or as pp said he is looking for an out because he found another woman. Pretty nasty 'out' to take though.

Tell him you have done some thinking and decided don't want to be married to some mysoginistic prick anymore n not to let the door hit him on the way out.

Pinkbonbon · 07/02/2022 07:44

*slut shaming

IncompleteSenten · 07/02/2022 07:46

For someone with a smaller penis he certainly is a massive dick

pieceofmind · 07/02/2022 08:29

Op, your bf is being a dick about his dick. If he is not ready for an answer he may not like, he shouldn’t ask the question. Simples.
That was a question you couldn’t have answered right, let him deal with his own insecurities, you’re not the cause of them. And don’t let them bring you down either.

girlmom21 · 07/02/2022 08:30

He'll forever use this as a stick to beat you with if you stay together now OP.

Iamnotamermaid · 07/02/2022 09:03

Ask him if he has been with someone with bigger tits than you and then throw a tantrum over it...seeing as he is behaving like a child you can to Hmm

ShallWeTalkAboutBruno · 07/02/2022 09:12

Bloody hell I’m just reading this shocked that so many women have had this question asked of them! Honestly if any of my partners has asked me this I think I’d have just laughed. And dumped.

LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 07/02/2022 09:23

He is being a huge twat about this BUT really, naming names and sizes is very low rent

..." But he says he can't stop picturing me having sex with this person!

Being specific was your major mistake.

Pembertonrd · 07/02/2022 11:52

@IncompleteSenten

For someone with a smaller penis he certainly is a massive dick
Grin
Chichimcgee · 07/02/2022 12:16

He just wanted to have a stick to beat you with, OP.

Because his dicks not big enough to beat you with Grin

girlmom21 · 07/02/2022 12:26

@LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow

He is being a huge twat about this BUT really, naming names and sizes is very low rent

..." But he says he can't stop picturing me having sex with this person!

Being specific was your major mistake.

Actually being with a man child was her mistake.
D0lphine · 07/02/2022 12:28

Wow. He really has created a massive drama out of literally nothing.

What a flipping drama queen!

You know sometimes people create issues like this when they actually just want an out?

Fairylightsongs · 07/02/2022 12:33

Actually there is a subtext here.

If a man asks if you’ve ever had sex with someone with a large penis. The flattering and ego boosting bullshit answer is yes, you.

By saying yes, x, then by default you are saying you don’t consider him to have a large penis,

If we flip it on its head. Woman says to man, habe you ever had sex with someone who had the perfect sized breasts. Man responds, yes Sophie. Woman is sitting thinking, well then he doesn’t consider I’ve got perfect breasts. If man had responsed, yes you, woman would have been delighted,

It’s pandering to an insecurity but there it is.

ShallWeTalkAboutBruno · 07/02/2022 12:34

@Fairylightsongs

Actually there is a subtext here.

If a man asks if you’ve ever had sex with someone with a large penis. The flattering and ego boosting bullshit answer is yes, you.

By saying yes, x, then by default you are saying you don’t consider him to have a large penis,

If we flip it on its head. Woman says to man, habe you ever had sex with someone who had the perfect sized breasts. Man responds, yes Sophie. Woman is sitting thinking, well then he doesn’t consider I’ve got perfect breasts. If man had responsed, yes you, woman would have been delighted,

It’s pandering to an insecurity but there it is.

I just wouldn’t answer the question. It’s none of my current partners business what size penis my previous partners had.
ShallWeTalkAboutBruno · 07/02/2022 12:35

And ditto would never ask my husband for any intimate details about his exes. It’s fucking weird.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 07/02/2022 12:38

Sorry dear, I lied to try and save your ego. Every. Single. Man. I have slept with had a bigger one than yours. Yours is actually really tiny. My nickname for your dick is 'Tiny Tim'.

Bye.

lifeissweet · 07/02/2022 12:39

@Fairylightsongs

Actually there is a subtext here.

If a man asks if you’ve ever had sex with someone with a large penis. The flattering and ego boosting bullshit answer is yes, you.

By saying yes, x, then by default you are saying you don’t consider him to have a large penis,

If we flip it on its head. Woman says to man, habe you ever had sex with someone who had the perfect sized breasts. Man responds, yes Sophie. Woman is sitting thinking, well then he doesn’t consider I’ve got perfect breasts. If man had responsed, yes you, woman would have been delighted,

It’s pandering to an insecurity but there it is.

This is a false equivalence, though. He didn't ask whether she had ever been with a man with 'the perfect sized penis', in which case, she could have said 'yes' as that's a subjective opinion.

He asked 'have you ever had sex with a man with a bigger penis?' Which is objective and about size. It's his assumption that bigger is better that's the issue.

It's just a really weird question and a total over-reaction.