“lottiegarbanzo
As for 'putting up with your low moods', people who love each other don't 'put up with' aspects of the other person (for the sake of what? convenience? having a live-in housekeeper and living sex doll?), they care for and support the other person, encourage them to be the best and happiest person they can be.
You sound as though you have no idea what love is, what healthy, happy relationships look like. (I wonder about your upbringing).
In general, stop making do with someone who merely tolerates you. Find someone who adores, supports and celebrates you.
You work, you do all the domestic work and childcare. What do you actually need from a man? Why not be single for a while? Then, if and when you find someone who makes you happy, makes your life better, cares about you and shows it consistently over time, then enjoy yourself - but take it slowly, don't rush to move anyone in and mother them.
You're making a very basic mistake in thinking that because he works hard in a job that isn't easy he 'deserves' to be looked after, he is 'owed' this by the universe - and that you are obliged to provide this to him, on the universe's behalf.
Think about that for a moment. Is that how life works? People who work hard, try hard, have difficult days sometimes, are gifted housekeepers, nannies and ever-willing sexual partners who cater to their every need?
Is that how life works for you? For all the women you know? Why not? Are you not deserving and hard-working too? Don't you have hard days? Are you not people?
Why does being the nearest woman to this man mean you have to put up with everything he throws at you, do all the domestic work, have sex when you don't want it, then smile and pretend you like it?
The notion of 'deserving' of 'being owed' makes no sense, because there is no two-way contractual arrangement between one man and the universe. You cannot 'deserve' to be given something, if there is no-one with a pre-existing obligation to provide that thing to you. There is no prior reciprocity built in to the universe. Thus he is not 'owed'. He can feel he 'deserves' all he likes but that feeling doesn't generate an obligation in anyone else to provide that thing.
What about all the hard-working single people who have hard days? What do they deserve? Where does that come from? The answer is, if they want another person to recognise and support them, they have to win love and respect from someone and will be lucky if care, comfort and reward follow. Where is your husband's sense of luck, of gratitude?
Actual deserving emerges out of mutually supportive and beneficial relationships, where both people recognise and value the others' efforts. One person goes over and above and the other one recognises and appreciates that. 'Just deserts' are bestowed, not demanded.
Just like respect.“
@lottiegarbanzo
What you have written here is so wise I think.