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Original poster

How many dates before DTD?

125 replies

Journeynotdestination · 06/02/2022 08:45

On the back of another thread where the OP had sex after 2 dates and was then ghosted and a few posters said it’s best to wait a while before sleeping with a new man - how long do you think it’s good to wait? I’m coming up to date 4 with a potentially nice guy and thinking of doing the deed, but not sure if it’s too soon? I do like him but like myself a lot more and really don’t want any emotional distress if it all goes pear shaped after DTD. I know it can work out either way but any advice or wise words welcome!

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 09/02/2022 23:15

My ex and I had sex on our first date and we were together 10 years (although should have called it quits after 5).

My current partner and I also had sex on our first date almost 2 years ago. Moving in together soon. Pretty sure we're going to be together forever. Neither of us ever been happier.

Have sex whenever feels right for you. Irrelevant what anyone else thinks.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 09/02/2022 23:27

I’d shag ASAP if I want to
If they are going to ghost , they will anyway
And I like sex ! Don’t we all

greasyshoes · 09/02/2022 23:35

@Suprima

However the landscape has changed from the heady days of meeting someone in a club- men are literally on tinder as a form of free prostitution. I’d rather not make it easier for them.

I think you've been watching too much TV. The overwhelming majority of men don't, and can't, use Tinder as a "hookup app". It is a dating app more than anything else.

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 09/02/2022 23:55

I slept with the man I have now been with for 20 years, married to for 15, after meeting in a sticky floor club about 4 hours later.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 10/02/2022 07:49

Of course there are men online who only want sex

But it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to recognise them !!!! It’s pretty dam clear

‘Hello’
‘Hello babe ‘
‘How are you ?’
‘Hard for you baby’

Boom 💥

gannett · 10/02/2022 07:54

Brilliant post. I can't see the point in sex with someone I don't KNOW and you can't know them after two or three dates, no matter how much messaging you've been doing.

The point in sex with men I didn't KNOW was usually that they were fit. Basic but there you go.

OnNaturesCourse · 10/02/2022 07:55

Don't over think it.

Just go with what feels right - things that are going to happen will happen regardless.

So what makes you happy?

MintyGreenDream · 10/02/2022 08:04

In mine and dh case it was the 2nd date.I pounced.Weve been together 9 yrs and married 6

Thisisworsethananticpated · 10/02/2022 08:33

I can't see the point in sex with someone I don't KNOW

Oh I can !! It’s much more exciting

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 10/02/2022 09:42

However the landscape has changed from the heady days of meeting someone in a club- men are literally on tinder as a form of free prostitution. I’d rather not make it easier for them.

I don’t understand this attitude, why the use the word them, it’s as if you are using sex as something to be traded with and bargained for not just enjoyed by 2 consenting adults, if you don’t want to to have sex, then don’t have sex, but don’t use such condescending language

WineThenMisletoe · 10/02/2022 10:48

How long? I made my DH wait a year. He was adamant it was 6 months until while back I found my old diary and it was a year. I have no idea how he managed it. The fear was put into me by my Mum who btw got pregnant as an unmarried teenager in 1960 (not the done thing).

Skeam · 10/02/2022 10:57

@WineThenMisletoe

How long? I made my DH wait a year. He was adamant it was 6 months until while back I found my old diary and it was a year. I have no idea how he managed it. The fear was put into me by my Mum who btw got pregnant as an unmarried teenager in 1960 (not the done thing).
Why a year?
WineThenMisletoe · 10/02/2022 11:00

@Skeam Honestly no idea. That is just the way it worked out. I was bloody terrified so I guess that had something to do with it.

User48751490 · 10/02/2022 11:06

Date no 3, I couldn't wait any longer😂

Been married 15 years this month. He would have waited as long as it takes.

Steelesauce · 10/02/2022 11:06

I'm laughing at women vetting men seriously Grin plenty of us married shitty men let alone just shagged them Grin

Do it when its right for you. I've had 3 dates drilled in my head and make em wait to see if they're committed but reading this, I prefer the women who rip the bandaid off quickly. Good sex and connection is important to me so I'm gonna sleep with men when it feels right to me.

YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp · 10/02/2022 11:25

There’s a far different and more healthy attitude towards sex nowadays than when I first started dating in the late 60’s. A convent schooling put the fear of God, hellfire and brimstone into me and many of my friends alongside the fact that my parents made it very clear that if they found out I was having sex, let alone pregnant, then I would be kicked out. And they meant it. When a friend of mine got pregnant at 16 my parents held her up as a bad example for years, dreadful bigoted behaviour.

TicksallBoxes · 10/02/2022 12:22

Sex is meant to be fun - just do it when it feels right! Don't stress about it or try and decide when is best and who cares what anyone thinks?

This!

I had three long term relationships before I met my DH. Apart from him, which was date two, the other three were all on the first date.

UserError012345 · 10/02/2022 12:39

I DTD after 8. Minimum 6.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 12/02/2022 08:46

Steelesauce

There is a big thing from the dating age when we were trying to ‘catch a husband’ and that game playing shit
Men are from Mars etc
Let them wait and chase etc
The rules etc

But now I’m a single mum I just want fun and friendship, literally that

Lpc3 · 12/02/2022 13:19

I think promiscuity shaming is actually fairly healthy. It stops women (particularly young women) feeling pressurised to have sex straight away for fear another women would. It's a bit like simp shaming for men.

ShimmeringSheen · 12/02/2022 13:23

It really does depend on the circumstances and the situation, @Journeynotdestination. Do it when you feel comfortable. How old are you both? Keep us posted on developments!

EBearhug · 12/02/2022 18:55

I think it depends why you're dating. I enjoy sex. I'm not putting rules in place about only after X dates. But I'm me. If you want to wait, that's fine too.

I am in favour of finding out fairly early on, though. I had a date with a guy I'd been chatting to, and we got on really well - but in person, it just didn't work for me. I'd be happy to have him for a friend, but that's all, and not what he wants. Mind you, you don't have to shag to know there's no chemistry.

shivawn · 13/02/2022 05:13

Zero dates for me but we're very happily married 13 years later!

Eesha · 13/02/2022 06:06

Personally I waited about 6 weeks though we must have seen each other about 20 times during that plus stayed with each other. I do think I personally get over invested after sex so I prefer to wait and get to know someone more.

StarlightLady · 13/02/2022 07:30

Early on. It sorts the time wasters. Sometimes on first date (more likely if l have met someone in real life rather than on line) possibly second or third. It depends on passion and chemistry. Sex is shared not given.

My sister was about an hour or so with someone she met at a mutual friend’s wedding; she has been married to him for years.

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