Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is it exhausting being an older mum?

84 replies

LemonTang · 05/02/2022 19:57

I have two DCs aged 9 and 8. A good career and I work full-time. I’m nearly 33.

I have a relatively new partner whom I think I will be with long term (so far, anyway). I was young when I had my children and I am thinking that realistically I’d be late thirties/ early forties if all went well and we chose to have children. I’d like to be married and know each other well.

It hit me today that I’m worried about having children at 40. I’m sure everyone is different so cannot tell me how tired or not I would be, but has anyone else had widely spaced children and can share the benefits and challenges of parenting over such a long period?

OP posts:
Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 05/02/2022 20:01

I had dc in my teens, 20's, 30's and 40's!! Still as much energy now. But tbh going back to sleepless nights at 43 after a 6 year gap was tough!!

Itsnotdeep · 05/02/2022 20:04

I also had dc in my 20s, 30s and 40s. And no difference in energy levels - at least when they were young. I haven't reached the teen years with my youngest yet though.....

Noshowlomo · 05/02/2022 20:05

I had my son at 38. I’m 42 this year and honestly I’m knackered. Could he because I also went back to work full time but I’m just constantly shattered with it all.
I’ve never been an up and at em kind of person though so may well have been this shattered if I’d had him at 30, but my knees ache, my back aches and I just want to sleeeeep.
Hope that helps 🙈

Original poster
LemonTang · 05/02/2022 20:05

I can’t tell you have much better I feel 😅

I was having a full on existential crisis!

OP posts:
Original poster
LemonTang · 05/02/2022 20:06

Haha, less positive with the last one. I am knackered working full-time with two primary age DC currently so I empathise!

OP posts:
BabbitsEars · 05/02/2022 20:07

Yes

Cantdecidewhere · 05/02/2022 20:07

Yes...I've found it harder to have my last DC in my late thirties than my first DC in my 20's. The baby phase was okay but the toddler and preschooler ages are hard. I just don't have as much energy or time as much as it pains me to admit it. Our careers are much more intense and juggling that with teens & toddlers is hard work.

Original poster
LemonTang · 05/02/2022 20:08

Thank you for the honest responses.

OP posts:
LazySaturday · 05/02/2022 20:11

I had my ds at 39 then went back to work full time and was mostly a single parent and yes it is exhausting... he's wonderful but tiredness was the main reason I stopped at one.

Heisrotten2thecore · 05/02/2022 20:12

Im 40, single mum with a 4yr old. I work full time mon-friday and have no family to help. Its just me and LO. Its tough.

TheDuchessOfMN · 05/02/2022 20:14

It’s not just about your age though. You have to factor in the challenges of parenting both teenagers and a baby/toddler at the same time

I know that I personally just couldn’t do that (having just come out the other end of the teen years)

SallyWD · 05/02/2022 20:15

I had DS at 38 and I'm. Now 47 with a 9 year old. It's been fine really. Yes I'm definitely tired but I've always been a very tired person! I don't know how much of it is motherhood and how much is the perimenopause and how much of it is just me! I've found it perfectly doable.

Shopgirl1 · 05/02/2022 20:16

I think it depends on your energy levels and fitness. I’m in my 40s and very fit, I’m a runner and train 6 days a week and honestly am fitter than in my 20s. I had my children in my late 30s and have plenty of energy to chase them around, I pace my 8 year old at parkrun.

BrambleRoses · 05/02/2022 20:16

I had DS at 40 and am hoping to TTC again in the next month, so I’d be 42 when / if I have no2. I don’t feel any physically different than I did at 30, to be honest.

TheSpanishApartment · 05/02/2022 20:17

I had mine at 41 and it’s been fine so far - 7 years in. We are tired but that’s because shes never been a great sleeper. But have plenty of energy for bike rides, swimming, playing etc.

yogafairy · 05/02/2022 20:19

I had my first two at 22 then 24 then my third at 41... life felt easy with the first two but the baby years were hard with my third. She is now 9 and it feels fine, I have plenty of energy but blimey those sleepless nights were much harder in my 40's

Sailor2009 · 05/02/2022 20:20

I'm 42 and have a 10 month old, pregnant with my second. I WFH full time. It's tiring but I'm not exhausted. Same as PP though. I'm considerably fitter and healthier than I was in my 20s. 25 year old me would have been on her knees with exhaustion by now.

Suzi888 · 05/02/2022 20:21

My mum had me at 40 and I had DD. I have more energy and patience than my younger counterparts. But I don’t go out much on the razz so to speak whereas they do! Their grandma’s are younger! DM is 80 and although she’s up half the night and offers to have DD I wouldn’t take advantage!

DH does feel it though - he’s 48. But he works 7 days a week sometimes.

TheFormidableMrsC · 05/02/2022 20:21

I had my second at 42, 13 years after my first. He's 10 now, I'm 52. We climb trees, build camps, I skateboard with him, we hike, mountain bike and everything else! I'm fitter than I've ever been and he's an absolute joy. I'm a single mum, not by choice, and by virtue of that I've had to throw myself at it all. DS is autistic and has several other
diagnosed spectrum disorders so it's really important that I can make sure he does all those things. No regrets, I'm not knackered, he's such good company and I feel very blessed. Don't sweat the small stuff!

unicornsarereal72 · 05/02/2022 20:23

I had my eldest at 33 and my youngest at 39. The baby years were fine. Even though the youngest was a terrible sleeper until she was 5. It was ok. Now I'm getting nearer to 50 I can't do the things I could a few years ago. I have to pace myself with trips out and mental energy level. As I assume I'm heading for the menopause I get tired more easily. It is what it is. And I'm very blessed.

ParkheadParadise · 05/02/2022 20:27

I have a 23 year age gap between my dd's.
I was 38 when I had Dd2. Some of Dd1's friends had babies at the same time as I had Dd2. I felt bloody ancient 🙈
I was knackered running about the park with dd2 😉

Original poster
LemonTang · 05/02/2022 20:31

These experiences are so helpful, thank you.

We were thinking of having two more in quick succession when the time comes. My first two were a year apart and I loved it but I was 23 and 24 at the time. I had a minor crisis today and your comments are helping me to contextualise my worries.

He is nearly 30 and has no children, he’s beautiful with mine. We are both very fit and active, hopefully it stays that way.

OP posts:
Samanabanana · 05/02/2022 20:34

I'm not sure it's the age that will be the problem more than going back to the baby stage again after so long. I'm struggling after 5 years between babies Grin

Squishmael · 05/02/2022 20:38

I was 44 when I had DS and very fit and healthy. 12 years later I'm a wreck. I just don't think you bounce back from a year's sleep deficit, the stress of a preemie and caring for a poorly infant. Much as I adore him, I wouldn't recommend it.

Antsgomarching · 05/02/2022 20:39

Had DD at 38, she’s 2 now, I am knackered, but then I’m fat and unfit. No family support just me and DH.