Is it exhausting being an older mum?

[LemonTang]

I have two DCs aged 9 and 8. A good career and I work full-time. I’m nearly 33.

I have a relatively new partner whom I think I will be with long term (so far, anyway). I was young when I had my children and I am thinking that realistically I’d be late thirties/ early forties if all went well and we chose to have children. I’d like to be married and know each other well.

It hit me today that I’m worried about having children at 40. I’m sure everyone is different so cannot tell me how tired or not I would be, but has anyone else had widely spaced children and can share the benefits and challenges of parenting over such a long period?

I had one in my teens,pre eclampsia, emergency cs. Sickness all the way through. Twenties, not too bad.Thirties, hospitalised with high BP, back to work when he was 3 months,had to bf at night till he was 15 months, because he didn't sleep,was exhausted. Last at 41,best pregnancy and birth, not exhausted just as well,had to return to work when she was 3 months,(long story) and made do with just a nap when she had one (night nursing) I didn't go to bed after a night shift till she went to nursery school at 4. Of course I got tired.

I can honestly say I've found it easier at 36 than I did with my first at 26 but I now work out and eat clean and I truly think that contributes to my energy levels. Also I've not panicked with this dc like I did with my first! So I'm taking each day and trial as it comes

Isn't it exhausting being a younger mum?

Or was that just me.

Yes. I had mine at 40 and 43 and it is. Though I do have additional stressors in my life. And I do need to keep up at least some sort of life of my own outside work and kids so finding time for that too is very challenging.

Personally, I think going back to all this when you are coming up to being free and able to focus on your own life again is utterly bonkers.

I won't be kid free till my early 60s!

Love my kids but I think having them young then being able to start you own life again in your 40's is great way to do life!

To be honest, I feel so young that I forgot I wasn’t 25 and had the realisation yesterday that I could be setting myself up for starting over in my 40s and signing up for another 20 years of parenting.

BF set it at the beginning of our relationship as important to him and I have always been open to more. I had two DC in my marriage and then my husband had a vasectomy because he was done at two. I believe the person who doesn’t want children trumps but I would have had more at the time. XH parents 50% of the time and is great.

I have now spoken to my BF about my worries and he was thinking we might be in a place to have our first when I’m 35. I think just saying my worries out loud helped. He said he’s very aware I may change my mind and it has to be what we both want to do.

I really appreciate the experiences and I’m just going to ride it and see what happens.

Had Dd at 42. It was easy.

However be aware that in your 50’s and the menopause you do start falling apart a bit. So make sure you are covered financially.

A third of menopausal women leave work due to the menopause. I was one of them.

I went through the Meno the year after my last baby. I always looked young for my age,was fit and healthy,but now she's 30, me 71, feel my age, when her mates and boyfriends have parents my oldest DD age and grandparents my age!

@LemonTang

Thank you for the honest responses.

I'm 34 OP, l have a little girl and its relentless!! I told my husband my cut off point is 40. I don't want to be doing night feeds at that age ( not that it's old, just personal choice).

I had my first at 31 (a few months after my birthday) and my second at 38 (a few days before my 39). I cannot say I have found it any different and I have no support, it's literally just my husband and me doing it all.

So I think it depends on the person.