Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why are there so many strange men on dating apps?

97 replies

IcyWinterWonderland · 05/02/2022 19:44

Hi everyone
I recently tried a dating app and I noticed there were so many strange men on there. I am by no means saying that everyone who uses dating apps are weird- I met a couple of nice guys on there too. I went on a few dates and there was just something not right about most of them. I have also read so many horror stories about men on online dating and awful dates. Why are there so many odd people on dating apps?

OP posts:
Elieza · 05/02/2022 19:44

Yup. It’s weirdos anonymous where I am.

RedCandyApple · 05/02/2022 19:48

I think it’s because online is easier for men to pretend to be anyone so the weirdos are more confident online and less likely to approach a woman on the street. Easy behind a computer screen.

shivabeaver · 05/02/2022 19:52

I imagine eligible men with lots going for them are snapped up quickly or have no need for dating apps. If you are serious about finding someone decent I would suggest having an account on fabswingers or the like and cross referencing. A lot of the odd player types will also be on there, then you know what type of person they are.

Online dating and this type of man depends on unsuspecting naive newbies, be cynical by a default, if you click with someone do the due diligence and make sure they are what they depict themselves as.

ComtesseDeSpair · 05/02/2022 19:57

People who are socially awkward or not good with people or struggle in “real life” situations are naturally going to be over represented online. But more broadly I suppose it depends what you mean by “weird”: I’m sure plenty of people denounced “weird” by one person are somebody else’s “sweetly quirky” and somebody else’s “on my wavelength.”

TracyMosby · 05/02/2022 19:59

Because when they meet people in real life people see them for who they are… and walk on.

RedCandyApple · 05/02/2022 19:59

It’s like MN there seems to be a lot of people with high levels of anxiety or social anxiety more so than I’ve experienced irl, people scared to answer their doors or talk to people on the phone, I think online is more likely to attract a certain type of person. So there might seem like there are more weirdos online for that reason.

Casper001 · 05/02/2022 20:29

@RedCandyApple

It’s like MN there seems to be a lot of people with high levels of anxiety or social anxiety more so than I’ve experienced irl, people scared to answer their doors or talk to people on the phone, I think online is more likely to attract a certain type of person. So there might seem like there are more weirdos online for that reason.
Would fully agree.

You are likely to get a certain type of man with online dating as more extroverted men wouldn't need to use. It's compounded by the fact that men are still expected to chase / make the first move which makes it doubly difficult if you aren't that way inclined

The trick is differentiation between the perhaps more socially awkward/quiter and the genuinely weird.

Original poster
IcyWinterWonderland · 05/02/2022 20:41

I should have clarified. They are not socially awkward or shy. They are just odd. This one said after 15 minutes of meeting that he had to go soon (I suspect he had another date lined up) and I said 'oh already?' (not in a snarky way, just surprised) and he replied 'Yes, I have to go soon. Respect me'.
This other one invited me to a café and told me to pay the entire bill (both his and mine).

OP posts:
shivabeaver · 05/02/2022 20:50

Lucky escapes there.

FangsForTheMemory · 05/02/2022 20:52

@IcyWinterWonderland

I should have clarified. They are not socially awkward or shy. They are just odd. This one said after 15 minutes of meeting that he had to go soon (I suspect he had another date lined up) and I said 'oh already?' (not in a snarky way, just surprised) and he replied 'Yes, I have to go soon. Respect me'. This other one invited me to a café and told me to pay the entire bill (both his and mine).
I hope you told him you were only paying for what you'd eaten and drunk!
ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 05/02/2022 21:15

I spent a couple of years on dating websites before giving up. I just found the quality of the men on there to be very poor.

Thingstodotoday · 05/02/2022 21:48

I think it’s because men in general are pretty weird.

BonnieConnie · 05/02/2022 22:12

10 years ago I met my husband on a dating site. Went on a few dates before meeting him and only one of them was a complete weirdo. Several of my friends also met partners online. There was plenty of weirdos but we got lucky filtering them out I guess.

BiscuitLover3678 · 05/02/2022 22:14

Why are men so weird? Do their mums know how weird they are? As a mum of a boy this perplexes (and concerns) me!

ComtesseDeSpair · 05/02/2022 22:35

@BiscuitLover3678

Why are men so weird? Do their mums know how weird they are? As a mum of a boy this perplexes (and concerns) me!
I think men are more likely to get away with poor behaviour because women are a) encouraged to #BeKind and not call it out, b) women are socially conditioned to think getting and keeping a man is important and will often tolerate poor behaviour to those ends, and c) society is just more tolerant of men having “quirks” or “tendencies” than it is of women. And a possible d) men are more likely to be on the spectrum and less likely to mask as autistic women do (though I’m not suggesting the odd men OP met were autistic nor that autistic people are generally weird or rude, just that some socially awkward or inappropriate behaviours may be connected.)

I don’t think it’s up to their mums to modify their behaviour, really. Mum may think he’s just a little unusual and special in his own way and not be aware of how this presents when she isn’t around or towards women he dates.

greasyshoes · 05/02/2022 22:47

There's nothing wrong with being unusual, strange, or eccentric. Some people who are a bit odd can be truly lovely people underneath. Don't forget that the worst people, such as narcissists and psychopaths, generally have high social intelligence and initially present as being very charismatic and charming.

Casper001 · 06/02/2022 06:56

@IcyWinterWonderland

I should have clarified. They are not socially awkward or shy. They are just odd. This one said after 15 minutes of meeting that he had to go soon (I suspect he had another date lined up) and I said 'oh already?' (not in a snarky way, just surprised) and he replied 'Yes, I have to go soon. Respect me'. This other one invited me to a café and told me to pay the entire bill (both his and mine).
That first guy is incredibly rude. The second sounds like a nob.

To be honest MN seems like something of a parallel universe at times to mine. I do wonder where all these men exist.

Cheekypeach · 06/02/2022 07:31

Because the odds are good, but the goods are odd.

Original poster
IcyWinterWonderland · 06/02/2022 14:42

@FangsForTheMemory
Yes, I did

OP posts:
Original poster
IcyWinterWonderland · 06/02/2022 14:44

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe I completely agree, the quality of men on the app I tried was just awful. Like the lowest of the low

OP posts:
WoodSageandSeasalt · 06/02/2022 14:51

< I imagine eligible men with lots going for them are snapped up quickly or have no need for dating apps.>

This is depressingly true and I say that as (I think/hope) an eligible woman with lots going for me who uses dating sites and has met a spectacular selection of weirdos 🙄

WoodSageandSeasalt · 06/02/2022 14:51

Bold fail 🤦🏻

RagzRebooted · 06/02/2022 14:59

I do seem to find that there are more wierd men than women, in general. Now I don't know if this is more a perception thing, that we notice men being wierd because men are a threat so we are more sensitive to it. Or whether women are better are pretending to not be wierd, because we tend to want to fit in or not upset people.
Or perhaps both these points are unacceptably sexist.

But definitely you will find more wierd online in every sense.

Abbo552 · 06/02/2022 15:01

[quote IcyWinterWonderland]@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe I completely agree, the quality of men on the app I tried was just awful. Like the lowest of the low[/quote]
I wonder if men think this as well ?

Do men think the women on dating apps are the lowest of low or desperate or something ?

Tryagainplease · 06/02/2022 15:03

Sorry to derail, but I have never done OLD before and have been thinking about trying it.

Are there sites that are better than others? I.e. is Tinder more likely to be full of weirdos whereas Bumble isn’t??

Sorry if that’s a really naive question. Just don’t know where to start and massively put off by all the stories of weirdos!

Swipe left for the next trending thread