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Original poster

Why are there so many strange men on dating apps?

97 replies

IcyWinterWonderland · 05/02/2022 19:44

Hi everyone
I recently tried a dating app and I noticed there were so many strange men on there. I am by no means saying that everyone who uses dating apps are weird- I met a couple of nice guys on there too. I went on a few dates and there was just something not right about most of them. I have also read so many horror stories about men on online dating and awful dates. Why are there so many odd people on dating apps?

OP posts:
Hrpuffnstuff1 · 06/02/2022 21:42

Mrs HR showed me some of the conversations she'd being having with matches.
I remember the majority were all a variety of how beautiful they thought she was..
😂😂😂
Come on chaps.

sassbott · 06/02/2022 22:00

I think the dating app world has become even more overwhelming than it was even a few years ago. Based on my male friends the ‘weirdos’ certainly are not limited to males.

I dipped my toe back into an app and my exp saw me and swiped right (I would have blocked him had I seen his profile first). I took a cheeky look before blocking him and here’s what I saw.

Education level? Lie
Job? Lie
Photos? Absolutely none recent and his main profile pic was over 15 years old
Hobbies? Lies. Had the obligatory ‘sports’ photos up. That he did maybe once in the whole time he was with me.

I took one look at the lies and just deleted my profile and the app. I have zero patience to Wade through that. 🤣🤣🤣

Rocaille · 06/02/2022 22:01

But I have found that now I’m over 50 women aren’t really interested in me anymore, and that’s a bit depressing

Are you messaging 50+ women, or are you bothering unfeasibly young females who, understandably, aren't looking for a date with grandad???

JenniferWildlay · 06/02/2022 22:05

According to research done by my son, dating sites are a poor place for men (heterosexual men). Women rate only about 15% of them as worthy of notice. So the same group of men is getting most of the female attention. Meanwhile, women have lots more opportunities they don't feel much interest in. No different to the old dance halls maybe?

MeSanniesareBrannies · 06/02/2022 22:05

@IcyWinterWonderland

I should have clarified. They are not socially awkward or shy. They are just odd. This one said after 15 minutes of meeting that he had to go soon (I suspect he had another date lined up) and I said 'oh already?' (not in a snarky way, just surprised) and he replied 'Yes, I have to go soon. Respect me'. This other one invited me to a café and told me to pay the entire bill (both his and mine).
‘Respect me’. 😂😂😂

Did you pay?

earsup · 06/02/2022 22:06

[quote IcyWinterWonderland]@earsup OMG Shock[/quote]
ha ha...and they were all really masculine quite muscular guys....I met one and he said his ex gf used to manufacture satin lingerie and then sent me pics of pieces and added that he would like to wear them....instantly blocked ....!!!

MeSanniesareBrannies · 06/02/2022 22:13

@curmudgeonly007 How old are the women who you’re trying to date?

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 06/02/2022 22:16

@sassbott

I think the dating app world has become even more overwhelming than it was even a few years ago. Based on my male friends the ‘weirdos’ certainly are not limited to males.

I dipped my toe back into an app and my exp saw me and swiped right (I would have blocked him had I seen his profile first). I took a cheeky look before blocking him and here’s what I saw.

Education level? Lie
Job? Lie
Photos? Absolutely none recent and his main profile pic was over 15 years old
Hobbies? Lies. Had the obligatory ‘sports’ photos up. That he did maybe once in the whole time he was with me.

I took one look at the lies and just deleted my profile and the app. I have zero patience to Wade through that. 🤣🤣🤣

I saw one of my ex wife's friends and neighbor, I swiped right just to wind them both up.😂😂 I didn't swipe right on my ex wife though.
Hrpuffnstuff1 · 06/02/2022 22:19

[quote MeSanniesareBrannies]@curmudgeonly007 How old are the women who you’re trying to date?[/quote]
If he's on dating apps like tinder or bumble and he's not good looking he'll get zero matches.
App dating is a one trick pony, a visual sales pitch.

MeSanniesareBrannies · 06/02/2022 22:22

@Hrpuffnstuff1 I met my soon to be husband on a dating app. I know how they work. But, thank you.

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 06/02/2022 22:28

[quote MeSanniesareBrannies]@Hrpuffnstuff1 I met my soon to be husband on a dating app. I know how they work. But, thank you.[/quote]
People try to rationalize and blame either the format or the other players. When it highly likely the individual sales pitch is poor and a non existent strategy.

Fairycake2 · 06/02/2022 22:35

There are certainly a high number of men on apps who are just after one thing but there are also many normal, nice guys too. I've had some great dates and not been on any shockers thankfully. Been ghosted a few times which is shit but at least they show you who they are pretty quickly. Am currently dating a great guy. He won't be around long term for a number of different reasons, but we're enjoying each others company and he's definitely restored my faith that there being decent men out there

Marineboy67 · 06/02/2022 22:36

It's not just men, I met some women shockers during a couple of years online dating.

ComtesseDeSpair · 06/02/2022 22:37

I think among the reasons there seems to be a disproportionate number of “weird” men on OLD are filters and algorithms. The odd, undesirable men who don’t get much luck are casting their net far and wide - they’ll happily be matched with as many women as they could possibly be matched with and so aren’t putting in much selective detail filter which would otherwise limit their matches - so they will show up disproportionately frequently in a higher number of profiles offered to women to view, unless women are being particular ruthless in their own filters.

Which is really the answer: be really specific about who you’re looking for and who you want to be matched with, and the oddballs won’t even get to see your profile in the first place, let alone get an opportunity to message you (and I think all the main OLD sites now have it so that you each have to “like” the other to be able to send or receive a message, which further weeds out.)

I genuinely can’t remember the last time I saw a truly awful profile and I’ve never had a bad date from OLD, so something is going right in my algos somewhere!

Ghastlyghoul · 06/02/2022 22:38

I’m 60 and I’ve been very half-heartedly looking. Honestly it’s so bloody depressing. On the sites ive tried the men around my age Ive come across seem mainly to be oddballs (not in a nice way), needy, boring, after a shag or just pathetic. Every time I look the same faces are still there month after month. Ive thrown in the towel now.

THisbackwithavengeance · 06/02/2022 22:51

@Rocaille

But I have found that now I’m over 50 women aren’t really interested in me anymore, and that’s a bit depressing

Are you messaging 50+ women, or are you bothering unfeasibly young females who, understandably, aren't looking for a date with grandad???

Indeed.
TossaCointoYerWitcha · 06/02/2022 23:02

@Rocaille

But I have found that now I’m over 50 women aren’t really interested in me anymore, and that’s a bit depressing

Are you messaging 50+ women, or are you bothering unfeasibly young females who, understandably, aren't looking for a date with grandad???

For some reason, once I hit 46 most of my matches were women in their 50s. I guess 45 is a popular age filter boundary, however there does seem to be some degree of dating younger both ways.

In fact, at the same time, there were a couple of profiles of women aged 43 and 44, who really stood out for me - however the former would only date guys younger than her and the other only guys up to 45.

curmudgeonly007 · 06/02/2022 23:24

@Rocaille

But I have found that now I’m over 50 women aren’t really interested in me anymore, and that’s a bit depressing

Are you messaging 50+ women, or are you bothering unfeasibly young females who, understandably, aren't looking for a date with grandad???

“Grandad” - cheers, thanks a lot 🤔

I generally look at my age range + / - 5 yrs , so when I was in my late 40s on OLD is was kinda 42 to 52 range, this time I’m a bit older it’s in the 48 to 58 kinda range give or take this time round the “Grandmas” are not interested, maybe they are all looking for younger men.?

I look pretty similar, bit greyer, a trimmed beard now & almost no interest, will probably not bother any more.

curmudgeonly007 · 06/02/2022 23:28

[quote MeSanniesareBrannies]@curmudgeonly007 How old are the women who you’re trying to date?[/quote]
My age +/ - 5 years, so about 47 ish to about 57 ish,
But certainly for me (at least), going over 50 has been a real change, a lot less interest / responses etc.

MeSanniesareBrannies · 06/02/2022 23:33

@curmudgeonly007 I don’t think ‘grandad’ was intended as an insult, to be honest.

And, that’s interesting. Most of the studies around this show that men tend to skew much younger on dating apps, while women set their parameters at around their own age (so similar to what you’ve done). But, I think most of the research is now a few years old, so perhaps things have changed.

Gilda152 · 06/02/2022 23:39

Well I met DH on Tinder and he is 6 years younger than me. I was early 40's him later 30's when we met.

I can't quite remember but I must have set my search at probably 37 - 47 I reckon. So I know from personal experience it's not just men who look at younger.

I also know of several (very successful) relationships where the age gap ranges from 5 to 12 years - all with the women being the older one. Maybe there's something in that.

MeSanniesareBrannies · 06/02/2022 23:46

@Gilda152 I’d consider five or six years either way to be the same age grouping/around your age (unless the people in question are very young).

12 years, not so much. I don’t think I know anyone with that much of a gap. However, as long as one partner isn’t inappropriately young or being preyed upon, I wish everyone well!

Ghastlyghoul · 07/02/2022 00:11

curmudgeonly 007
I'm not looking for younger men. I would just like to meet a few around my age who are interesting, not just after a shag , not disconcertingly strange or still living in the 1950s and wanting a cook, cleaner and laundry maid. I wonder if it's generally harder to find someone compatible over 50 (or in my case 60) or whether we have just been unlucky so far.

Anystarinthesky · 07/02/2022 02:02

@IcyWinterWonderland

Oh, something else that I hate is why they put on their profile that they are looking for a relationship but they are actually just after a shag Hmm
Yes to this! Friend met guy for coffee in the afternoon. It was a regular dating site not a swingers one.

Coffee drunk and Prince Charming says 'well, are we going back to yours for a shag now'.

Also the photos! Topless men sitting up in bed for their photo who all think they are God's gift to women!

RantyAunty · 07/02/2022 05:34

[quote greasyshoes]@RantyAunty

Do you have any evidence that men with a history of "playing games and on a screen" are not decent men?[/quote]
That isn't what I said.