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Original poster

I posted a picture of us and he deleted it

111 replies

Nickyicky · 05/02/2022 17:47

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. There were some issues around exclusivity when we first got together as I caught him texting other girls. He argued we weren’t together properly then. Since then there’s always been an insecurity I suppose but we are in a committed relationship now.

Anyway we don’t post each other on our social media, in fact I don’t have him on it as he said it would cause arguments and he doesn’t need the headache. Today we were messing about and he had my phone and took a picture of me and posted it on my Instagram, it was ugly so we laughed and then I deleted it. I then had his phone and the last picture in his camera roll is of us, I posted it with a ❤️. Maybe it was my insecurities? I wanted to see what he did, if he did it on mine I wouldn’t really care. Anyway he got his phone back and deleted it immediately. I asked him why he said because he didn’t post it. I’m right in thinking something strange is going on here right, I want to ask him but at the same time I don’t want “to cause arguments”

He’s also been really snappy with me and everything I’m doing is wrong currently so it already feels a bit weird Confused

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 05/02/2022 18:39

"There were some issues around exclusivity when we first got together"

There still are.

Cas112 · 05/02/2022 18:40

He doesn't sound very committed or at least he doesn't want others to think he's committed

Allsorts1 · 05/02/2022 18:42

A good way to save yourself massive amounts of time is to immediately ditch any man who gives you the “silent treatment”.

IloveM · 05/02/2022 18:42

End This

Psychonabike · 05/02/2022 18:44

@Nickyicky

You said something like this, twice in just a couple of paragraphs.

he said it would cause arguments

Huge red flag.
I bet he thinks any disagreement is an argument.
This is a man telling you he is going to live his life exactly as he pleases. You can be in it as long as you don't express opinions or views that are inconvenient for him. As long as you don't do anything that's at odds with how he wants to live his life. No, because that would be you, being difficult, causing arguments wouldn't it? And you wouldn't want to be difficult would you?

Or perhaps you'd like to be in a relationship of equals. Equally committed, equal effort, equal right to your own, sometimes differing, opinions.

Make a decision OP because you won't find the latter while you are stuck in, and accepting, the former.

jytdtysrht · 05/02/2022 18:45

He isn’t behaving like he loves you. You should bin him off rather than hope he stops his shitty and sneaky behaviour.

You sound nice and he really doesn’t.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/02/2022 18:45

I even cooked him dinner and he ate it in a separate room

Happy enough to take the food. Too unhappy to sit with you. Did he graciously thank you for cooking, or was he too sad for that? I think that might be his way, to get what he wants without considering you.

Iwonderifiwonderwhy · 05/02/2022 18:46

It’s also possible that he just isn’t the sort of person who posts lovey dovey couple photos to his page. Dh would be so embarrassed and delete it if I posted a pic of us on his account. His account is all his military mates and they do not post soppy pics.

RG2468 · 05/02/2022 18:48

Honestly he’s not committed. I mean what’s his issue with sharing a photo of you both? This all seems so immature - you need to break free if you’ve been messing around for years.

Aderyn21 · 05/02/2022 18:48

Sulking is such an unattractive trait.
He's not going to come good lovely - if he's like this now then he won't get better.

VladmirsPoutine · 05/02/2022 18:50

This is all extremely unhealthy. He's eroding your self-esteem and confidence by the second. End it. He probably will pull a 180 to convince you he'll change then you'll be right back at square one. End it. This is not how functional and healthy relationships work.

thenewduchessoflapland · 05/02/2022 18:50

@Nickyicky

I don’t know, we’ve been so good recently so I suppose I’ve just been a bit confused why he’s suddenly changed. He says it’s me who has an attitude problem but we haven’t seen each other for two weeks due to work so I was so excited to see him yesterday. For him to just be so weird. I can’t work out whether I’m being paranoid and it’s me, or it’s him. I even cooked him dinner and he ate it in a separate room Confused
He's seeing another woman.Bin him.You deserve better than this man who treats you as an extra rather than main character in his life.
OpheliaTrousersnake · 05/02/2022 18:52

My DD put a picture of me on social media, and I was very cross with her. I have told all my DC a million times that I choose not to be on social media, and nobody has a right to put pictures of me there without my consent. Even if I were on social media, I'd feel the same about consent - it would seem like a gross intrusion of my privacy if my DP started putting pictures including me on the internet. I am decidedly not pretending to be single - I just don't think anyone has the right to do this.

Your updates suggest he's generally not someone to have a relationship with, though.

MrsTrumpton · 05/02/2022 18:53

Whose work has kept you apart for the past two weeks? His or yours?

pog100 · 05/02/2022 18:55

Why do people persist in relationships like this? I just don't understand. They are supposed to be happy and relaxed not full of arguments and angst and wondering.
Just move on, honestly, this isn't the beginning of a lifetime of happiness.

RisingSunn · 05/02/2022 18:56

This relationship seems so tense and prickly. No way to live.

Imyourvenus · 05/02/2022 19:03

You know hes cheating or open tocheating. Run!

winterchills · 05/02/2022 19:09

Get rid. He's up to something!

Lovemusic33 · 05/02/2022 19:12

Ditch him, he should be proud to show you off as his gf, obviously he wants to keep you hidden and I’m guessing there’s a reason for it…he wants to remain single so he can chat other women up? He has another gf? Or he’s embarrassed by you?

Your worth more.

Mumontour85 · 05/02/2022 19:15

When someone makes you feel this crazy, leave them!!
You are probably not making it up, and if he is that worried about you seeing his social media, after a YEAR?!!), then that's fucking weird. My partner doesn't post much on sm and likes to keep our life mostly private from the 'world', but comments, tags me in things and his profile pic is us and the kids.
I'd be deeply offended by his behaviour, and then mad that he's totally gaslighting you into believing you're being ridiculous. You're not.

He's sketchy and untrustworthy. Do yourself a favour and walk away. At best, he's still messaging other girls. At worst.... well. Use your imagination 😣

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 05/02/2022 19:23

People in relationships are supposed to like each other.

Hshuznw · 05/02/2022 19:28

Hmm you posting a picture of the two of you on his social media, which you admit you did to see his reaction, was not ok. I don’t publicise my personal relationships on social media, and I’m very committed to my husband. There’s not a single photo of the two of us on Facebook, Instagram, etc, and that includes wedding photos. I’m early 30s so very much grew up with social media, but I like my privacy.

However, aside from that, he is acting shady. I think you are his girlfriend, and his family and friends know about you, but he most likely talks and meets others girls too. Im sorry.

TracyMosby · 05/02/2022 19:33

Stop wasting your time on him.

he said it would cause arguments and he doesn’t need the headache
Arguments with who?

user1471443411 · 05/02/2022 19:36

Sorry to say but I think he might be having an affair.

Fluffycloudland77 · 05/02/2022 19:40

Dump him, he’s just not that into you.

He sounds a complete drain anyway.