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Original poster

I posted a picture of us and he deleted it

111 replies

Nickyicky · 05/02/2022 17:47

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. There were some issues around exclusivity when we first got together as I caught him texting other girls. He argued we weren’t together properly then. Since then there’s always been an insecurity I suppose but we are in a committed relationship now.

Anyway we don’t post each other on our social media, in fact I don’t have him on it as he said it would cause arguments and he doesn’t need the headache. Today we were messing about and he had my phone and took a picture of me and posted it on my Instagram, it was ugly so we laughed and then I deleted it. I then had his phone and the last picture in his camera roll is of us, I posted it with a ❤️. Maybe it was my insecurities? I wanted to see what he did, if he did it on mine I wouldn’t really care. Anyway he got his phone back and deleted it immediately. I asked him why he said because he didn’t post it. I’m right in thinking something strange is going on here right, I want to ask him but at the same time I don’t want “to cause arguments”

He’s also been really snappy with me and everything I’m doing is wrong currently so it already feels a bit weird Confused

OP posts:
Etinoxaurus · 05/02/2022 18:18

You cooked for him and he ate it in a separate room?
Kick him out.
He’s rude and you’re scampering around thinking it’s you.

IWouldLikeToKnow · 05/02/2022 18:20

You posted the picture to his Instagram?? I'd hate for anyone, including my husband, to post to my social media. Even if it was a picture I liked.

whiteworldgettingwhiter · 05/02/2022 18:20

You've always been insecure with him? You feel like all you do is wrong? He ate dinner in another room last night, like a toddler??

Op, wake up! This is your honeymoon period. This is the best things will get with this guy!!

I'd end things. You're not happy, you're walking on eggshells. No, no, no.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 05/02/2022 18:21

Yep I think you should ask him to leave, its not working out regardless.

Original poster
Nickyicky · 05/02/2022 18:21

He posted on my Instagram first, it was an ugly picture so I deleted, then his picture of us was the first one in this phone so I posted it

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 05/02/2022 18:22

Well it’s all a little bit weird but I’d not be happy with even my husband of twelve years going into MY phone and posting stuff on MY social media accounts.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 05/02/2022 18:23

@Nickyicky

To be fair it was because he posted an ugly picture of me first, on my social media, he started it first, then I had his phone and just posted the picture of us. I agree it’s immature of me and I wanted to see his reaction
I don't know how old you are OP but this is the kind of thing I can see teenagers maybe arguing about but not full grown adults!

Life is too short for shitty relationships and dynamics that make you feel crap about yourself / insecure / confused / all of the above.

Question for you OP - hand on heart, do you genuinely think that this is a healthy, happy relationship that is what you want long term?

No wriggling out of the question by saying 'yes, if he doesn't make me feel xyz' or 'yes, if we don't do xyz anymore'... genuinely, as it is now, is this relationship healthy, happy and what you want long term?

Because it shouldn't be. You should want and expect more from a relationship.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 05/02/2022 18:23

@Nickyicky

The more I think, the more i’m sure he does. He’s still at my house now and we’re sat in silence
Why?! Tell him that as he's in your home and you're sitting in silence, it's pointless him staying so you'd like him to leave.
Original poster
Nickyicky · 05/02/2022 18:24

No it’s not. I don’t know why I’ve been holding on,
Sunken cost fallacy maybe? Or just the hope it would get better in the future

OP posts:
TheApexOfMyLife · 05/02/2022 18:24

It’s him.

The very big issue is the way he is reacting NOW. I mean he is making a huge drama out of you posting a picture of both of you together. Why?
He is giving you the silent treatment, in your own house(!). If he was that upset, why is he still at your house if not to punish you by being there nit not talking to you?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 05/02/2022 18:26

@Nickyicky

No it’s not. I don’t know why I’ve been holding on, Sunken cost fallacy maybe? Or just the hope it would get better in the future
You're only a year in though OP, that's very early for you to be making decisions fuelled by sunk cost fallacy!

It makes me wonder if you maybe have experience of toxic dynamics so think this kind of stuff is normal in a relationship when it's really, really not?

Especially as from the start it's been toxic, with you on different pages re exclusivity. It's never been a healthy, stable relationship really.

TheApexOfMyLife · 05/02/2022 18:27

@Smartiepants79

Well it’s all a little bit weird but I’d not be happy with even my husband of twelve years going into MY phone and posting stuff on MY social media accounts.
It really depend how it’s done isn’t it? It can be a little bit of fun, poking at each other and all very lighthearted.

The OP’s P started so I would have assumed too that he would have been happy for her to do that. I mean who would do to their partner something they would hate them doing to them? If the OP posting on his FB was so abhorrent to him, he should never have done that on HER SM in the first place Confused

1forAll74 · 05/02/2022 18:28

Why do people look at someone elses phones, it seems to cause all sorts of problems.. There are lots of very insecure people about. you haven't known this guy all that long, and you can never tell properly what they are going to be like long term.. All this exclusive stuff, is crazy to me. like wanting to pin someone down quite quickly., when often things can go to pot later.

ShowOfHands · 05/02/2022 18:28

@Mo1911

I've been married for what seems like forever and I'd hit the roof of my husband posted a picture of us or anything about me on social media. I don't follow him on Facebook or Instagram and have declined his friend requests not for any other reason other than I barely use it. That said he does find it quite amusing that I haven't added him, I think he's taking it as a challenge 😂

Before anyone says anything, I've nothing to hide, our marriage is very happy but I don't want pictures of me or us plastered all over social media thank you very much.

There doesn't have to be a suspicious reason for this.

There's a huge difference between you choosing not to be on social media and being clear about this with your husband and the op's demonstrably commitment phobic and nasty partner of a short amount of time using social media but refusing to be friends on there because he feels there's a reason it would "create arguments".

My dh of 23yrs wouldn't dream of posting photos of me online but this is a world away from the op's situation.

Original poster
Nickyicky · 05/02/2022 18:29

We’ve been together for a year but messing around for years, sorry I didn’t say that earlier. But yeah so I just think we’ve been involved for so many years, I feel like there will be a point we hit where it’s all good.

I really do need to work on myself

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 05/02/2022 18:30

It does, as many other have said, sound like he is either not single or wants to be seen as single. But even if it's neither of those and he's just very, very private or shy the relationship sounds unhappy and that you are changing your behaviour to change his. This is not a good way to live and you deserve more. I rarely say this but LTB seems good advice in this case.

TheTeaCosyofDoom · 05/02/2022 18:30

I am much closer to the end of my life than to the beginning, twice married and divorced. Please believe me when I tell you that I have met monkeys like your bf on the tops of the trees before, many times. Knowing what I know now, and having experienced what I've experienced, I can tell you that if I were in your position right now, your bf would not see my backside for dust.

I am not going to call him the names he deserves. Just do yourself a massive favour, poppet, and dump the bugger ASAP.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 05/02/2022 18:31

After not seeing each other for two weeks, you cook him dinner and he eats it away from you?
Relationships should not be this hard at this stage.
Proper controlling little bully isn't he.

Muckymaisonette · 05/02/2022 18:32

Is he going to sit in silence till he gets “his shag” and then he’ll leave?

BattenbergdowntheHatches · 05/02/2022 18:33

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

FinallyHere · 05/02/2022 18:34

he said it would cause arguments and he doesn’t need the headache

So, I am no big fan of social media, but I would not be happy to be in a relationship where my partner did not want to acknowledge our relationship in public, especially when his reason is 'because it would cause arguments'. I'm guessing his relationship status is 'single'

Does he mean that you would not be happy with what you see him posting?

Sorry, that bit early in your relationship where he was texting other girls, when he claimed you were not 'together' and you thought you were exclusive.

That is who he is. Set your bar higher, look for someone who is bursting with pleasure and pride at being in a relationship with you.

Oh, and while you are at it, don't cook for someone who doesn't want to eat it with you.

What is stopping you asking him to leave now? I suspect he is acting so badly because he wants you to break up with him and kick him up, so he can get together with someone else. Good luck.

Faevern · 05/02/2022 18:36

@Nickyicky

No it’s not. I don’t know why I’ve been holding on, Sunken cost fallacy maybe? Or just the hope it would get better in the future
So many people get stuck in relationships for these two reasons. Just cut your losses, surely the messing around for years was your warning. If it hasn't got better in a year of being 'together' it's not going to. Imagine how much better you could feel in a year without him.
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 05/02/2022 18:36

@Inspectorslack

It’s really weird that you’d stalk someone off the back of an anonymous thread on mumsnet.
What? Have I missed something? Who is stalking who?
fuckoffjournalists · 05/02/2022 18:37

Dump him.

AlternativelyWired · 05/02/2022 18:37

Life's too short for this kind of shit. Kick him out of your house and out of your life Thanks

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