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Original poster

Boyfriend liking insta pics am I right to be annoyed and what should I do?

81 replies

elpo123 · 03/02/2022 20:11

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost six months. Mid January I made an Instagram, had never had one before (we're both mid twenties). So earlier today was looking through Instagram just mindlessly browsing and decided to have a look at bf's page. One picture from early 2021 (before we knew each other) had been commented on by a girl whose account I then had a look at. In January she posted four selfies in all of which she looked very pretty, done up and a bit sexy, and my bf had liked all four of them. I'm pretty sure they're friends from university but I don't know what the exact nature of their relationship was. She also looks somewhat like his ex.

Initial reaction was to be upset especially as I've felt very insecure recently due to being bigger than I'd like and having about two outfits I feel comfortable in. I'm not actually overweight at all but have struggled with body image issues since early teens. Because of feeling this way I haven't been dressing up ever really just basic makeup and baggyish clothes. Bf has complained about this recently.

But then I thought maybe he likes loads of pictures and this girl is just a friend, nothing wrong with that. So then I did waste a few hours going through his following list and seeing whose pictures he likes and the thing is he doesn't like that many pictures. Apart from this girl there's one other girl whose pictures he's liked. Two in January, again very attractive glamorous pictures. I don't know who this other girl is. He definitely knows her but I don't know in what capacity. If you go back further he wasn't liking their pictures it's only been since January.

He follows exes I have no issue with that and I have no issue with him liking women's pictures as a rule but I think the kinds of pictures he's been liking are quite specific and the amount and timings seem a bit much and I do have a problem with it... like four of the same girl in the space of three weeks.

I don't think he's actually cheating as he doesn't have time. He's either working or with me. We've always spent loads of time together. We practically lived together in January.

What are your opinions this has really upset me tbh and I've been ignoring his texts, partly because I don't know how I want to proceed :( don't know if I'm overreacting for starters

OP posts:
JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 03/02/2022 20:12

It all sounds very childish

baileys6904 · 03/02/2022 20:19

It's an over reacting vote from me to be honest. I 'like' loads of people's posts, male and female. If my partner tried to judge my behaviour based on that, I'd tell him where to get off.

Of course you will get the men haters on here who will no doubt tell u he's shagging them, or wants to, but they'd say that to any situation imaginable.

Work on liking yourself, you've said you're lacking confidence so get some support for that. How's anyone else meant to love you if you don't love yourself

Original poster
elpo123 · 03/02/2022 20:28

@baileys6904

It's an over reacting vote from me to be honest. I 'like' loads of people's posts, male and female. If my partner tried to judge my behaviour based on that, I'd tell him where to get off.

Of course you will get the men haters on here who will no doubt tell u he's shagging them, or wants to, but they'd say that to any situation imaginable.

Work on liking yourself, you've said you're lacking confidence so get some support for that. How's anyone else meant to love you if you don't love yourself

I know but why is he liking these pictures specifically and only now. He DOESN'T like loads of posts. I probably will end up talking to him about it lol.
OP posts:
Original poster
elpo123 · 03/02/2022 20:29

@JurgensCakeBabyJesus

It all sounds very childish
Thank you🙏 it is
OP posts:
Isitreallyme12777 · 03/02/2022 20:30

My male friends like my pictures doesn't mean we're having an affair or are likely too.

CrinklyCraggy · 03/02/2022 20:32

I don't think him liking pictures is a problem in itself. You being so distressed about it is though. What is it that makes it seems so bad to you? Why do you think it's a problem?

Original poster
elpo123 · 03/02/2022 20:32

@Isitreallyme12777

My male friends like my pictures doesn't mean we're having an affair or are likely too.
He has plenty of female friends whose pictures he will like sporadically I don't care about that however it's the specificity of the girls and the pictures.
OP posts:
SophiaBP · 03/02/2022 20:32

You need to be upfront and honest about how it makes you feel, it can affect us more than we think and create trust issues that just didn't need to be there but you'll only get the answer you want from him. Working on liking yourself is having the courage to confront the things causing you anxiety and you'll never get there with a nagging thought in your head. Hope you can find some peace ✌️

Original poster
elpo123 · 03/02/2022 20:35

@CrinklyCraggy

I don't think him liking pictures is a problem in itself. You being so distressed about it is though. What is it that makes it seems so bad to you? Why do you think it's a problem?
I know he has a problem with how I dress at the moment. I dress like that because I have a problem with my appearance. These girls look very glamorous and how I know he would like me to style myself.
OP posts:
iwishu · 03/02/2022 20:35

When they like sexy pictures, its because they find them attractive and can't stop looking, commenting would be worse.
I'm yet to find a man that doesn't do this.
Nothing to stop you liking sexy mens pictures 🤷‍♀️

SeasonFinale · 03/02/2022 20:37

My opinion on this is that you will send him running for the hills if you think you can tell him what he is and isn't allowed to like on Instagram.

CrinklyCraggy · 03/02/2022 20:40

I know he has a problem with how I dress at the moment. I dress like that because I have a problem with my appearance. These girls look very glamorous and how I know he would like me to style myself.

Well there we are, that's the problem, nothing to do with photos on Instagram. You have a boyfriend who makes you feel rubbish. Don't stand for that.

MrsHastingslikethebattle · 03/02/2022 20:41

I think your massively over reacting and being a bunny boiler Looking through his Instagram and followers because he liked a couple of pictures?

Original poster
elpo123 · 03/02/2022 20:44

@MrsHastingslikethebattle

I think your massively over reacting and being a bunny boiler Looking through his Instagram and followers because he liked a couple of pictures?
bunny boiler? I had to look up what that means. I haven't really been spurned though in your opinion at least? but of course "a couple of pictures" is an obfuscation of the reality Hmm
OP posts:
Summerhillsquare · 03/02/2022 20:44

Your problem is not Instagram, it's that he thinks he should be able to tell you how you dress.

Original poster
elpo123 · 03/02/2022 20:47

@SeasonFinale

My opinion on this is that you will send him running for the hills if you think you can tell him what he is and isn't allowed to like on Instagram.
I'm not wanting to tell him what he is and isn't allowed to like on instagram i have a problem with what he is liking on instagram there's a massive difference...
OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 03/02/2022 20:51

This is a "you" problem. You're projecting your insecurities onto your boyfriend and making him responsible for how you feel. Time to do some work on your self-esteem.

Isitreallyme12777 · 03/02/2022 20:52

It's a photo, what's the big deal? Your issue is with you and how you feel. You are projecting your insecurities onto him. He's liking a photo not running off with the girl.

Original poster
elpo123 · 03/02/2022 20:53

@CrinklyCraggy

I know he has a problem with how I dress at the moment. I dress like that because I have a problem with my appearance. These girls look very glamorous and how I know he would like me to style myself.

Well there we are, that's the problem, nothing to do with photos on Instagram. You have a boyfriend who makes you feel rubbish. Don't stand for that.

*CrinklyCraggy: Well there we are, that's the problem, nothing to do with photos on Instagram. You have a boyfriend who makes you feel rubbish. Don't stand for that.

Summerhillsquare: Your problem is not Instagram, it's that he thinks he should be able to tell you how you dress.*

I don't know I love him he loves me I do have a problem with him liking these pictures but I know he finds me very attractive and he does actually say I should wear what I want but I know he doesn't like that I wear the same boring clothes over and over as he has expressed that (in a way which is still consistent with him telling me to wear whatever). I worry that I'm currently in quite a bad place to an extent that isn't conducive with being in a relationship :(

OP posts:
Original poster
elpo123 · 03/02/2022 20:57

@Isitreallyme12777

It's a photo, what's the big deal? Your issue is with you and how you feel. You are projecting your insecurities onto him. He's liking a photo not running off with the girl.
They're photos of attractive girls posting pictures of themselves trying to look attractive and he's liked six within four weeks. I don't know why so many of you can't see an issue with that. Maybe the way I've written about it (quite extensively lol) has made you guys brush off that bald fact. How is that ok?
OP posts:
EarthSight · 03/02/2022 21:00

Young women are conditioned to put up with this, and at the end of the day, what can you do except for dumping him?

This type of behaviour may be thoughtless in some men, but in many, I suspect it's the man making sure that a woman knows he likes the look of her or fancy her. The idea is to go 'Hey, here I am and I think you're hot' hoping that one day, those type of fringe interactions will blossom into something more and come in handy when they're in a dry spell....such as when sex has become less frequent or boring with whoever is their current partner. This is especially the case if the man is interacting under their own name or picture as it shows the woman who's doing the liking, making him less anonymous and more likely that she's respond positively to his comments if he's her type.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/02/2022 21:01

They're photos of attractive girls posting pictures of themselves trying to look attractive and he's liked six within four weeks. I don't know why so many of you can't see an issue with that. Maybe the way I've written about it (quite extensively lol) has made you guys brush off that bald fact. How is that ok?

It's their fault they're attractive and that you're insecure? He knows these women and is friends with them. He liked their pictures. BFD. You are making a problem where one doesn't exist.

EarthSight · 03/02/2022 21:01

@elpo123 Are you young? Otherwise I can't understand why a woman would be this naive.

EarthSight · 03/02/2022 21:02

Sorry - the above was directed to @Isitreallyme12777

squishyegg · 03/02/2022 21:03

Tbh I wouldn't like my partner liking photos of other women who I didn't know/were sexy photos. And I'm a confident person. I just don't find it very respectful but maybe I'm old fashioned.