Boyfriend liking insta pics am I right to be annoyed and what should I do?

[elpo123]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost six months. Mid January I made an Instagram, had never had one before (we're both mid twenties). So earlier today was looking through Instagram just mindlessly browsing and decided to have a look at bf's page. One picture from early 2021 (before we knew each other) had been commented on by a girl whose account I then had a look at. In January she posted four selfies in all of which she looked very pretty, done up and a bit sexy, and my bf had liked all four of them. I'm pretty sure they're friends from university but I don't know what the exact nature of their relationship was. She also looks somewhat like his ex.

Initial reaction was to be upset especially as I've felt very insecure recently due to being bigger than I'd like and having about two outfits I feel comfortable in. I'm not actually overweight at all but have struggled with body image issues since early teens. Because of feeling this way I haven't been dressing up ever really just basic makeup and baggyish clothes. Bf has complained about this recently.

But then I thought maybe he likes loads of pictures and this girl is just a friend, nothing wrong with that. So then I did waste a few hours going through his following list and seeing whose pictures he likes and the thing is he doesn't like that many pictures. Apart from this girl there's one other girl whose pictures he's liked. Two in January, again very attractive glamorous pictures. I don't know who this other girl is. He definitely knows her but I don't know in what capacity. If you go back further he wasn't liking their pictures it's only been since January.

He follows exes I have no issue with that and I have no issue with him liking women's pictures as a rule but I think the kinds of pictures he's been liking are quite specific and the amount and timings seem a bit much and I do have a problem with it... like four of the same girl in the space of three weeks.

I don't think he's actually cheating as he doesn't have time. He's either working or with me. We've always spent loads of time together. We practically lived together in January.

What are your opinions this has really upset me tbh and I've been ignoring his texts, partly because I don't know how I want to proceed :( don't know if I'm overreacting for starters

@RockinHorseShit

You're clearly not old enough for a relationship. Try growing up first

Wow that’s a really nasty comment … I don’t think that’s how ‘grown up’ people speak to other people regardless of whether they disagree

Oh do give over @Anothergreatday 🙄

The whole OP is as childish as it comes, so unless they are 15, I stand by my reply. Besides given other posts on here of late, it's probably yet another lazy asses incompetent Journo

@RockinHorseShit

Oh do give over *@Anothergreatday* 🙄

The whole OP is as childish as it comes, so unless they are 15, I stand by my reply. Besides given other posts on here of late, it's probably yet another lazy asses incompetent Journo

Give over… lol You just don’t seem to be able to help being rude . The OP has every right to her feeling . Praying no young ones in your life ever comes to you for advice Go ahead - have the last word … looking forward to your charm

You do realise that people can be married/in relationships and still be able to appreciate that someone else looks good. Doesn't mean they don't love u or they are planning on cheating. He liked a pic, on Instagram it means nothing. If he had commented or msged it would be a bigger deal, liking is nothing.

The bigger issue here is... You
You literally went one by one through the list of people he follows and checked pic after pic to see if ur bf had like their pics. That's unhinged behavior, and borderline controlling. Mentioning to him and demanding him to explain himself is crazy.

You need to work on your body image issues, either go to the gym and make your body look like how u want it to, or learn to love your body as is and feel comfortable in it. It shouldn't be your boyfriends job to have to tell u are attractive every 5 seconds cause u are insecure. Ur insecurity will push him away sooner or later, it's a massive turn off for both men and women to be with someone that has to be constantly reassured that they are still liked/found attractive. I bet even when he says he thinks you are attractive, u think in your head he doesn't really mean that he is only saying it cause he loves me.

And on a different note, from personal experience I can say that baggy clothes will only make you feel and look worse, if you have any extra weight they just make you look lshapeless. If you want to change what u wear and feel more confident in yourself, I suggest trying a-line dresses, they are great at complimenting your chest area while great at hiding any extra weight on the tummy

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂@Anothergreatday

You are sooo far off the mark it's comical

Everyone will have differing opinions on this subject. I personally find this behaviour disrespectful. I let my boyfriend know this from day one as those are my personal boundaries and shady social media behaviour has caused me a lot of pain in the past with previous partners.

You are the one that sets the parameters of your relationship. If you are not comfortable you need to be able to openly communicate your feelings to your partner. That doesn't mean being confrontational or accusatory, just expressing your feelings in an adult to give your partner the opportunity to understand why you feel the way you do.

His reaction to this will tell you everything you need to know.

As someone has previously mentioned, we would not put up with this behaviour "in real life" so why are allowing it online? People who say it's "not real" or "just a like" might be okay with that behaviour but that doesn't mean you have to be too.

@Malibu19880
Perfectly said !

I worry that I'm currently in quite a bad place to an extent that isn't conducive with being in a relationship

To be honest OP, this sounds like the case. I think you would benefit from staying single for a while and building your self esteem. As @Cloudfrost has said, either start working out or learn to love your body as it is, but don't look to a relationship to validate you.

I would also suggest leaving instagram, or at least taking a break. It's really not a healthy platform for anyone with self esteem issues.

When you get on SM and check up on your partners activities , likes , comments etc it’s almost like listening to a conversation behind a closed door . The chances are very high you are going to discover something you don’t like . I understood that Insta was for teenagers anyway 🤷🏼‍♀️
You can’t control your boyfriends behaviour, if you don’t think it’s acceptable call it quits and move on

You say yourself that you wear shapeless, boring clothes. You know you've changed since you first got together, when presumably you made an effort to look nice for him. You know he's noticed but you're still wearing the same clothes that do nothing for your looks.

How would you feel if it were the other way round? When you first met, he'd make an effort with his appearance but now he's slobbing around as if he didn't care whether you find him attractive or not.

I'd find it insulting that he cared so little for me, that he was taking me for granted, behaving as if I wasn't worth a bit of effort.

The obvious thing to do is to smarten up, have a bit of a makeover. It will make you feel better when you catch sight of yourself in a mirror, never mind him.

The whole Insta thing is a red herring. You've not been together long. Do you want the relationship to continue or are you scared of getting in too deep?

@IrishKatie1971

Imagine Instagram was real life though. Like you're walking down the street and every time a woman .. or man.. goes by that your respective partner finds attractive, they say "LIKE!!"... "LOVE!!!!" ... twist their necks around, like rubbernecking, make appreciative noises etc. In some ways, isn't it the equivalent of that? The inappropriate leaking of sexual energy.

In my experience, men that behave like that are not the faithful type either.

Would we tolerate it in real life???

Exactly if we were in the pub together and he saw a girl he found attractive the last thing he'd do is express that in any way (to me, say something to her, make suggestive faces at her etc.). He just wouldn't I don't know why it's so different on Instagram. It might mean nothing to him but I don't like it and I wish there were clearer social rules wrt what is and isn't appropriate social media use.

@Anothergreatday

Op does he let you know he thinks you are attractive? It’s fine for people to say your just being insecure but it would suck hard being with a guy who lets a ton of other women know he thinks they are hot but not his own partner For me that would be the key . If he only felt the need to tell other women then I’d question if we are a good match but certainly don’t let yourself get insecure , I can garantee you plenty of men would love to like ‘ your’ pics or even have a relationship if you were single regardless of your dress size

No he's fine for letting me know he's attracted to me

@RockinHorseShit

Oh do give over *@Anothergreatday* 🙄

The whole OP is as childish as it comes, so unless they are 15, I stand by my reply. Besides given other posts on here of late, it's probably yet another lazy asses incompetent Journo

You're really bad at this. Not a good contribution at all.

@Cloudfrost

You do realise that people can be married/in relationships and still be able to appreciate that someone else looks good. Doesn't mean they don't love u or they are planning on cheating. He liked a pic, on Instagram it means nothing. If he had commented or msged it would be a bigger deal, liking is nothing.

The bigger issue here is... You
You literally went one by one through the list of people he follows and checked pic after pic to see if ur bf had like their pics. That's unhinged behavior, and borderline controlling. Mentioning to him and demanding him to explain himself is crazy.

You need to work on your body image issues, either go to the gym and make your body look like how u want it to, or learn to love your body as is and feel comfortable in it. It shouldn't be your boyfriends job to have to tell u are attractive every 5 seconds cause u are insecure. Ur insecurity will push him away sooner or later, it's a massive turn off for both men and women to be with someone that has to be constantly reassured that they are still liked/found attractive. I bet even when he says he thinks you are attractive, u think in your head he doesn't really mean that he is only saying it cause he loves me.

And on a different note, from personal experience I can say that baggy clothes will only make you feel and look worse, if you have any extra weight they just make you look lshapeless. If you want to change what u wear and feel more confident in yourself, I suggest trying a-line dresses, they are great at complimenting your chest area while great at hiding any extra weight on the tummy

Unhinged is too extreme a term it's so easy to do some tapping on Instagram. SO easy. They (facebook) put a lot of effort into making it that way. And I felt insecure and wanted to check. And my personality is inclined towards being thorough. It's easy as not some great effort lol. And I haven't said anything to him (yet) as I don't know exactly what I want to say if anything.

I know that about insecurity being a turn off. It does upset me to think he'll go off me because of it. I'm obviously trying to change that and I am at a point in my life where I'm learning how to manage my insecurities. But tbf he has known about my insecurities from a very early stage.

@Malibu19880

Everyone will have differing opinions on this subject. I personally find this behaviour disrespectful. I let my boyfriend know this from day one as those are my personal boundaries and shady social media behaviour has caused me a lot of pain in the past with previous partners.

You are the one that sets the parameters of your relationship. If you are not comfortable you need to be able to openly communicate your feelings to your partner. That doesn't mean being confrontational or accusatory, just expressing your feelings in an adult to give your partner the opportunity to understand why you feel the way you do.

His reaction to this will tell you everything you need to know.

As someone has previously mentioned, we would not put up with this behaviour "in real life" so why are allowing it online? People who say it's "not real" or "just a like" might be okay with that behaviour but that doesn't mean you have to be too.

Thank you this is a helpful message.

@Hopingforabagofbuttons

When you get on SM and check up on your partners activities , likes , comments etc it’s almost like listening to a conversation behind a closed door . The chances are very high you are going to discover something you don’t like . I understood that Insta was for teenagers anyway 🤷🏼‍♀️ You can’t control your boyfriends behaviour, if you don’t think it’s acceptable call it quits and move on

It's not for teenagers. We're early mid twenties it's not insanely immature for us to be active on Instagram. It's completely normal in our group lol!!!! And I get what you mean about listening in on conversations but normally you can rationalise things that might be initially hurtful but actually have a fair explanation. I don't feel like that applies here. I'm finding it hard to think of an explanation that I find acceptable.

Many women go through their boyfriends likes when they’re bored or have had doubts.

Don’t worry, I get what you mean to liking every single sexy pictures of someone in a short space of time when it’s unusual for him might make you sit up and notice.

However, he is with you. He does find those girls attractive which is normal but he hasn’t done anything wrong. The issue is how you feel about yourself lately so bitchy comments that will make you feel worse won’t help you and I’m afraid that’s what you’ll get here.

Work on yourself and love yourself. Don’t let your insecurity ruin a nice relationship.

And as someone who still likes pictures of plenty of attractive men from yonder, we never got together and never would. He might have some fond memories of them or faded friendship but don’t see it as more than that.

@Thymeout

You say yourself that you wear shapeless, boring clothes. You know you've changed since you first got together, when presumably you made an effort to look nice for him. You know he's noticed but you're still wearing the same clothes that do nothing for your looks.

How would you feel if it were the other way round? When you first met, he'd make an effort with his appearance but now he's slobbing around as if he didn't care whether you find him attractive or not.

I'd find it insulting that he cared so little for me, that he was taking me for granted, behaving as if I wasn't worth a bit of effort.

The obvious thing to do is to smarten up, have a bit of a makeover. It will make you feel better when you catch sight of yourself in a mirror, never mind him.

The whole Insta thing is a red herring. You've not been together long. Do you want the relationship to continue or are you scared of getting in too deep?

This did make me laugh. Fair enough but you've assumed a pretty extreme transformation has taken place. I haven't gone from being ultra glamorous gym bunny done up to total slob. Literally just from a size 8 regularly wearing more form fitting clothes to a size 10 wearing baggier clothes (there's one outfit in particular which has become a joke between us). I mean my hair has also thinned slightly post covid. I don't look terrible I still put effort into how I look (as in make up and hair) I just have body image issues so the clothes I wear are less varied and not sexy at all. Also it's worth bearing in mind this change has coincided with summer>autumn>winter. Maybe I painted a different picture.

He's liking the images because he likes the look.

My OH and I like all sorts of things. Follow a few guys whose look you like, too. It's not real!

Is it wrong to suggest you get your hair done, stick on some perfume and lippy and the clothes you feel best in and take loads of selfies, put the best on your own insta, like your own pics, add some of the hashtags that are being followed and bag a few likes yourself? Instead of sulking and moping, why not join the game?

@whatlauraloves is a very good example of a body positive Insta by a creator who had her own troubles and has decided to turn them round.

@Tillsforthrills

Many women go through their boyfriends likes when they’re bored or have had doubts.

Don’t worry, I get what you mean to liking every single sexy pictures of someone in a short space of time when it’s unusual for him might make you sit up and notice.

However, he is with you. He does find those girls attractive which is normal but he hasn’t done anything wrong. The issue is how you feel about yourself lately so bitchy comments that will make you feel worse won’t help you and I’m afraid that’s what you’ll get here.

Work on yourself and love yourself. Don’t let your insecurity ruin a nice relationship.

Ahhh this is very nice, thank you. And it is a nice relationship he's absolutely lovely. We love each others company. He's very understanding. And any bitchy comments won't make me feel worse as I'm already fully aware of what is and isn't 'wrong' with me tbh.

@Summerhillsquare

Your problem is not Instagram, it's that he thinks he should be able to tell you how you dress.

This.

And the fact that you are feeling insecure about your body and he’s making it worse, not helping and reassuring you.

5 months in he should be telling you you that you are the most gorgeous creature on the planet !

Tell me more about this “ practically living together in January “ when you’ve only been together for 4 months.

Do you live at his place or yours ? How do you share living costs and housework ?

@SocialConnection

He's liking the images because he likes the look.

My OH and I like all sorts of things. Follow a few guys whose look you like, too. It's not real!

Is it wrong to suggest you get your hair done, stick on some perfume and lippy and the clothes you feel best in and take loads of selfies, put the best on your own insta, like your own pics, add some of the hashtags that are being followed and bag a few likes yourself? Instead of sulking and moping, why not join the game?

@whatlauraloves is a very good example of a body positive Insta by a creator who had her own troubles and has decided to turn them round.

I get that about it not being real except not everyone feels that way to some people it is real and we're all operating on social media on our own terms, there's no unanimous opinion on how meaningful social media is. It's easy to construe it as being 'real' as at the end of the day my boyfriend did see these pictures of real women he really knows and decide to really hit like...

The issue here is your insecurities and lack of trust. As they say, comparison is the thief of joy.

Either you work on your own self-esteem until you can reach a point where you realise his "likes" are meaningless because he's actually with you, not the hot girl on Insta.

Or you accept that you can't overcome the feeling that you'll lose him to this other girl - and let's face it, that's the root of your insecurity - in which case you're better off splitting up with him.

By all means tell him that you're struggling with this issue but I think you'd be totally unreasonable to dictate what he can and can't like.

It's six months in... it's meant to still be fun!