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Original poster

Boyfriend liking insta pics am I right to be annoyed and what should I do?

81 replies

elpo123 · 03/02/2022 20:11

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost six months. Mid January I made an Instagram, had never had one before (we're both mid twenties). So earlier today was looking through Instagram just mindlessly browsing and decided to have a look at bf's page. One picture from early 2021 (before we knew each other) had been commented on by a girl whose account I then had a look at. In January she posted four selfies in all of which she looked very pretty, done up and a bit sexy, and my bf had liked all four of them. I'm pretty sure they're friends from university but I don't know what the exact nature of their relationship was. She also looks somewhat like his ex.

Initial reaction was to be upset especially as I've felt very insecure recently due to being bigger than I'd like and having about two outfits I feel comfortable in. I'm not actually overweight at all but have struggled with body image issues since early teens. Because of feeling this way I haven't been dressing up ever really just basic makeup and baggyish clothes. Bf has complained about this recently.

But then I thought maybe he likes loads of pictures and this girl is just a friend, nothing wrong with that. So then I did waste a few hours going through his following list and seeing whose pictures he likes and the thing is he doesn't like that many pictures. Apart from this girl there's one other girl whose pictures he's liked. Two in January, again very attractive glamorous pictures. I don't know who this other girl is. He definitely knows her but I don't know in what capacity. If you go back further he wasn't liking their pictures it's only been since January.

He follows exes I have no issue with that and I have no issue with him liking women's pictures as a rule but I think the kinds of pictures he's been liking are quite specific and the amount and timings seem a bit much and I do have a problem with it... like four of the same girl in the space of three weeks.

I don't think he's actually cheating as he doesn't have time. He's either working or with me. We've always spent loads of time together. We practically lived together in January.

What are your opinions this has really upset me tbh and I've been ignoring his texts, partly because I don't know how I want to proceed :( don't know if I'm overreacting for starters

OP posts:
EarthSight · 03/02/2022 21:08

@iwishu

When they like sexy pictures, its because they find them attractive and can't stop looking, commenting would be worse. I'm yet to find a man that doesn't do this. Nothing to stop you liking sexy mens pictures 🤷‍♀️
Yeah, but we all know that women don't do this half as much, do they? I don't know how sexy these photos are, but the blurryness of today's relationships boundaries is a problem for a lot of young women who are paranoid they're not been 'chill' or the cool girlfriend. Women are also pressured to accept things like OnlyFans as if it's an innocent cake sale by pensioners.

Fuck's sake. You all need a trip to the Women's Rights forum on here and stop being the modern equivalent of the all pleasing 1950s housewife.

EarthSight · 03/02/2022 21:09

@squishyegg

Tbh I wouldn't like my partner liking photos of other women who I didn't know/were sexy photos. And I'm a confident person. I just don't find it very respectful but maybe I'm old fashioned.
@squishyegg Or it's because you're confident that you have some bloody self-respect maybe?
Original poster
elpo123 · 03/02/2022 21:10

@Aquamarine1029

They're photos of attractive girls posting pictures of themselves trying to look attractive and he's liked six within four weeks. I don't know why so many of you can't see an issue with that. Maybe the way I've written about it (quite extensively lol) has made you guys brush off that bald fact. How is that ok?

It's their fault they're attractive and that you're insecure? He knows these women and is friends with them. He liked their pictures. BFD. You are making a problem where one doesn't exist.

I didn't say anything about them being at fault like come on such an obtuse misreading of what I'm saying... They're not friends in a way that makes it normal behaviour imo (of course I'm many times more familiar with our social group than you are...) and he has only liked their sexy pics...
OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 03/02/2022 21:12

If you don't like how he conducts himself, end it.

Original poster
elpo123 · 03/02/2022 21:14

Yeah, but we all know that women don't do this half as much, do they? I don't know how sexy these photos are, but the blurryness of today's relationships boundaries is a problem for a lot of young women who are paranoid they're not been 'chill' or the cool girlfriend. Women are also pressured to accept things like OnlyFans as if it's an innocent cake sale by pensioners.

@EarthSight exactly like I know he would have an issue with me liking photos of certain guys if they were photos of them trying to look hot. Of course men don't tend to post photos like that so it's not an easy comparison to make.

OP posts:
SmallOrFarAway · 03/02/2022 21:14

The red flag here is that he's controlling (or trying to) your appearance with negative comments about 'boring' clothes. The insta girls thing wouldn't be as much of a concern on its own, though I wouldn't like it in a partner, but to me the real issue here is that control. So he insults your dress sense/appearance, you said in a way that is wanting to control what you wear, and then spends time looking at other attractive women. I would not like any of that whatsoever. Is he controlling in other ways?

Surely 6 months is still quite a new relationship, honeymoon period, impressing, exciting and discovering each other. Already trying to get you to wear different stuff right now? Shouldn't he still be showing you romance and impressing you rather than putting you down? If he's like this now, what will he be like when he really gets comfortable with you and more intertwined in your life?

Original poster
elpo123 · 03/02/2022 21:16

And the timing does bother me like it has all been in January and I look way worse than I did before. I get the feeling he doesn't find me as attractive but it could be in my head.

OP posts:
Original poster
elpo123 · 03/02/2022 21:18

Oh and he's not friends with the second girl as far as I know. He just knows her.

OP posts:
Pumpkinstace · 03/02/2022 21:19

Complaining about how you look only 6 months in is a massive red flag.

iwishu · 03/02/2022 21:19

@EarthSight I'm not say I'm cool with by the way, I'm single because I'm fed up with men like this.
But if you can't beat them join them and give them a taste of their own medicine.

Sonaftersonafterson · 03/02/2022 21:19

Come on now. I'm with the OP here.

We can all bleat on about his childish it is and yes, i agree, but it's the way things are these days.

I wouldn't like it because it is so specific . Just this one particular girl, and all 4 of her pics.

Dodgy in my book. I'd feel differently if he was generous with his likes. But he doesn't seem to be. Just an effort for this one girl.

Trust your gut x

Original poster
elpo123 · 03/02/2022 21:28

But he's not really complaining about how I LOOK but about the way I dress and I myself am not happy with the way I dress I like wearing nice clothes and feeling good about my appearance. I don't know it's difficult for me to judge I'm quite stupid about people. I don't like the timing of it. I feel shit about myself I know I'm not looking my best. Now he's liking these girl's photos. The first girl is definitely his type.

OP posts:
Original poster
elpo123 · 03/02/2022 21:34

@Sonaftersonafterson

Come on now. I'm with the OP here.

We can all bleat on about his childish it is and yes, i agree, but it's the way things are these days.

I wouldn't like it because it is so specific . Just this one particular girl, and all 4 of her pics.

Dodgy in my book. I'd feel differently if he was generous with his likes. But he doesn't seem to be. Just an effort for this one girl.

Trust your gut x

Four in three weeks that didn't seem normal which is why I looked at other accounts to see if it actually WAS normal for him to like loads of pics but it's not. And only selfies too not other pictures of hers.
OP posts:
Isitreallyme12777 · 03/02/2022 21:34

@EarthSight I'm in my 40s and have many male friends who have liked my photos doesn't mean we are going to jump into bed. Seriously. I've been married, separated and never once have I thought liking a friend's photo and saying how handsome he looks in it is a bloody issue. You can like a photo without wanting to rip their clothes off.

Original poster
elpo123 · 03/02/2022 21:37

[quote Isitreallyme12777]@EarthSight I'm in my 40s and have many male friends who have liked my photos doesn't mean we are going to jump into bed. Seriously. I've been married, separated and never once have I thought liking a friend's photo and saying how handsome he looks in it is a bloody issue. You can like a photo without wanting to rip their clothes off.[/quote]
try to respond to what's actually the case in hand not this imaginary one where I have an issue with him liking any and all photos of his female friends.

OP posts:
SmallOrFarAway · 03/02/2022 21:40

@elpo123

But he's not really complaining about how I LOOK but about the way I dress and I myself am not happy with the way I dress I like wearing nice clothes and feeling good about my appearance. I don't know it's difficult for me to judge I'm quite stupid about people. I don't like the timing of it. I feel shit about myself I know I'm not looking my best. Now he's liking these girl's photos. The first girl is definitely his type.
Please read this back. He's putting your dress sense down when ideally a partner would be lifting you up when you are feeling insecure. Supporting you, not giving attention to women on social media. I personally could not accept this in a relationship, you are obviously unhappy as you've made this post, is he worth this angst only 6 months in. What do you want him to do, stop looking on Instagram? Stop controlling you? You need to communicate if his actions are dealbreakers if you decide to continue with him. I wouldn't want to, as it sounds very stressful for what should be such a happy time in a new relationship, but only you know if it's worth it. First sign of a man wanting to control anything about me would have me ending things with him.
EarthSight · 03/02/2022 21:48

[quote Isitreallyme12777]@EarthSight I'm in my 40s and have many male friends who have liked my photos doesn't mean we are going to jump into bed. Seriously. I've been married, separated and never once have I thought liking a friend's photo and saying how handsome he looks in it is a bloody issue. You can like a photo without wanting to rip their clothes off.[/quote]
@Isitreallyme12777 So you think male and female sexuality are exactly the same I assume? Women so often think that because they do xyx, then that's exactly the same reason their male partner does it as well and that it's all innocent and platonic and doesn't mean anything.

I'm not saying these men want to actually have sex tomorrow with these women, and it does depend on the photo, but what a lot of them are doing is casting their net wide to see what comes back one day. They're opportunistic, and that like (especially on certain photos) is signalling 'hey, I find you attractive' for a reason.

DizzySquirrel90 · 03/02/2022 21:49

Crikey

IrishKatie1971 · 04/02/2022 08:30

Imagine Instagram was real life though. Like you're walking down the street and every time a woman .. or man.. goes by that your respective partner finds attractive, they say "LIKE!!"... "LOVE!!!!" ... twist their necks around, like rubbernecking, make appreciative noises etc. In some ways, isn't it the equivalent of that? The inappropriate leaking of sexual energy.

In my experience, men that behave like that are not the faithful type either.

Would we tolerate it in real life???

Anothergreatday · 04/02/2022 10:16

Op does he let you know he thinks you are attractive? It’s fine for people to say your just being insecure but it would suck hard being with a guy who lets a ton of other women know he thinks they are hot but not his own partner
For me that would be the key . If he only felt the need to tell other women then I’d question if we are a good match but certainly don’t let yourself get insecure , I can garantee you plenty of men would love to like ‘ your’ pics or even have a relationship if you were single regardless of your dress size

Anothergreatday · 04/02/2022 10:19

@EarthSight

The interesting thing is many me. Get off on looking at and ‘liking ‘ these pictures , and many women enjoy being looked at and liked
But strangely most me. Have a huge double standard and think they can be all over other womens pictures on Instagram but would lose their absolute minds if their partners were doing seductive pics on Instagram
It’s pretty sleazy behaviour and that’s why a lot of men hide it !

Anothergreatday · 04/02/2022 10:22

Also I’ll add that I think the types of pics makes all the difference. Liking someone dressed nice on a night out in a picture out is a lot different to Instagram ‘ models ‘ who tend to be almost naked soft porn
The women are in some pretty sleazy poses ir legs spread or asses out whereas the male models tend to be just shirtless or similar

RockinHorseShit · 04/02/2022 10:23

You're clearly not old enough for a relationship. Try growing up first

GeneLovesJezebel · 04/02/2022 10:24

@squishyegg

Tbh I wouldn't like my partner liking photos of other women who I didn't know/were sexy photos. And I'm a confident person. I just don't find it very respectful but maybe I'm old fashioned.
Me too.
miltonj · 04/02/2022 10:30

I didn't think you could look at what people were liking, unless you went on the page of the person that had been 'liked'. I might be wrong, but in that case, you need to stay away from looking these girls up. Also dump the boyfriend, not cos of the liking, but because of how he makes you feel about how you should dress, it's not helping your body issues.

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