Boyfriend liking insta pics am I right to be annoyed and what should I do?

[elpo123]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost six months. Mid January I made an Instagram, had never had one before (we're both mid twenties). So earlier today was looking through Instagram just mindlessly browsing and decided to have a look at bf's page. One picture from early 2021 (before we knew each other) had been commented on by a girl whose account I then had a look at. In January she posted four selfies in all of which she looked very pretty, done up and a bit sexy, and my bf had liked all four of them. I'm pretty sure they're friends from university but I don't know what the exact nature of their relationship was. She also looks somewhat like his ex.

Initial reaction was to be upset especially as I've felt very insecure recently due to being bigger than I'd like and having about two outfits I feel comfortable in. I'm not actually overweight at all but have struggled with body image issues since early teens. Because of feeling this way I haven't been dressing up ever really just basic makeup and baggyish clothes. Bf has complained about this recently.

But then I thought maybe he likes loads of pictures and this girl is just a friend, nothing wrong with that. So then I did waste a few hours going through his following list and seeing whose pictures he likes and the thing is he doesn't like that many pictures. Apart from this girl there's one other girl whose pictures he's liked. Two in January, again very attractive glamorous pictures. I don't know who this other girl is. He definitely knows her but I don't know in what capacity. If you go back further he wasn't liking their pictures it's only been since January.

He follows exes I have no issue with that and I have no issue with him liking women's pictures as a rule but I think the kinds of pictures he's been liking are quite specific and the amount and timings seem a bit much and I do have a problem with it... like four of the same girl in the space of three weeks.

I don't think he's actually cheating as he doesn't have time. He's either working or with me. We've always spent loads of time together. We practically lived together in January.

What are your opinions this has really upset me tbh and I've been ignoring his texts, partly because I don't know how I want to proceed :( don't know if I'm overreacting for starters

@PinotPony

The issue here is your insecurities and lack of trust. As they say, comparison is the thief of joy.

Either you work on your own self-esteem until you can reach a point where you realise his "likes" are meaningless because he's actually with you, not the hot girl on Insta.

Or you accept that you can't overcome the feeling that you'll lose him to this other girl - and let's face it, that's the root of your insecurity - in which case you're better off splitting up with him.

By all means tell him that you're struggling with this issue but I think you'd be totally unreasonable to dictate what he can and can't like.

It's six months in... it's meant to still be fun!

I don't really think it's accurate to put my discomfort with him liking these photos down solely to my insecurity, but I do think it's difficult to disentangle the two competing causes - my insecurity, and it actually not being a very nice thing to see!

Also the relationship is fun, it's my life that isn't very fun at the moment which has unfortunately collided with him liking these pictures.

OP - if you were at your skinniest, loved your clothes and got a lot of male attention/flirted with - you would not be spending hours on Instagram tracking what pictures he liked.
People with healthy self esteem don’t do that.
So yes. This issue is yours.

He isn’t following glamour models. Some friends of his put nice ‘glamorous’ pictures up. He clicked ‘like’. Who knows why that day, maybe he was bored. Who knows.

In your mind -> you don’t look like them ->he ‘liked’ pictures ->he would prefer someone like that over me -> he will leave me ->alarm activated.

While you feel this way about yourself - this issue will pop up in any relationship. Even if you left this bf. The next one will also like people looking nice. We all do.

If my partner decided to only wear sweatpants and hoodies because this would be the only thing he felt comfortable in - I’d also eventually say something. Controlling as I am - I do want to have a partner by my side I can go to diner or movie with. And I want to look nice together.
Also - it if was the same two outfits over and over - I’d say something too.
Shallow as I am.

OP - don’t let your low self esteem ruin your relationships. Get yourself to the gym, get on a better diet, get yourself clothes that fit your body type that you like

Just because it is easy to find out whose pic he has liked doesn't make it any less unhinged. I mean following someone around irl is also easy, u just walk behind them... Its still stalking and also unhinged..

If a guy had posted what you have everyone would be in uproar saying you are controlling, because it is indeed controlling behavior to go through someone's else's account to see who he has liked and when and how many times in a month.
He is not following half naked "models" leaving heart/fire emojis. He merely liked some pics of people he knows where they had put some effort and looked extra nice. Nothing wrong with that.

You have some serious body issues and insecurity, and just cause he knew you had issues before u got together, it does not mean he signed up for his social media presence to be monitored

If he ONLY likes thirst pics of girls he knows then I get where you’re coming from OP. Without seeing how deliberately sexy the photos are it’s hard to say if you’re being unreasonable or not but if I noticed my boyfriend liking exclusively sexy photos of his friends I wouldn’t like it either. Im not sure what you can a do about it tho.

@callingon

If he ONLY likes thirst pics of girls he knows then I get where you’re coming from OP. Without seeing how deliberately sexy the photos are it’s hard to say if you’re being unreasonable or not but if I noticed my boyfriend liking exclusively sexy photos of his friends I wouldn’t like it either. Im not sure what you can a do about it tho.

She can’t do anything to change another Person , all she can do is decide if she wants to be with someone who behaves like this Some of the posts from women who are ok with it I’ve also seen the same posters say they are fine with porn so of course their partners liking thirst pics wouldn’t bother them , but for many women it’s not ok . It’s got nothing to do with insecurity . Sure you say you arnt feeling great about yourself but there no garantee that eheb yoh feel good you’ll be fine with him doing that . Many women are happy with their weight and appearance yet take issue with it I don’t like it but when I was insecure I would have put up with it and said I was cool with it Its a matter of respect , how he views women and not caring about how it makes you feel Only you can decide op

@Cloudfrost

Just because it is easy to find out whose pic he has liked doesn't make it any less unhinged. I mean following someone around irl is also easy, u just walk behind them... Its still stalking and also unhinged..

If a guy had posted what you have everyone would be in uproar saying you are controlling, because it is indeed controlling behavior to go through someone's else's account to see who he has liked and when and how many times in a month.
He is not following half naked "models" leaving heart/fire emojis. He merely liked some pics of people he knows where they had put some effort and looked extra nice. Nothing wrong with that.

You have some serious body issues and insecurity, and just cause he knew you had issues before u got together, it does not mean he signed up for his social media presence to be monitored

Ummm. Following somebody around does actually take much more time and effort... and it signifies a potential physical threat. We all know that almost nobody would prefer to be followed around on the street than have someone look through their social media lol. And I don't MONITOR his social media! It's not stalking and it's not unhinged.

I would never try and control him so idc if you think my actions show a controlling streak (it can't be controlling behaviour because he literally doesn't know I did it).

I was asking about what he did anyway not what I did. I knew people would say this sort of thing, it's not for my benefit and you aren't changing my opinion about what I did.