Dating and age lies. Do they think we're stupid?

writergirl747474 · 2022-02-03T19:38:52+00:00

Date two last night with a guy who had been mega keen. He was texting me loads after date 1 saying how awesome I was, where could I see this going, best date he'd ever had, blah blah blah. Actually a bit too intense for me so I held back a bit. I wasn't quite so enamoured but he seemed nice enough and we'd had a fun time. Anyway... Date 2 and I realised he'd lied about his age. He'd told me he'd got married at 34, had a child within a couple of years and that kid was now 17. His profile said he was 49.... Also his ex-wife seemed to change from 10 years younger to 14 years younger. We even had a conversation about how people lied about age on their dating profiles! I should have called him out on it in person but didn't and the date wasn't great anyway. But I pondered overnight and text him today saying I'd been doing some maths and his story didn't add up. He replied saying he didn't get married at 34 but I was "right about the maths". Then...nothing. No explanation. What a twat. How do they think they will get away with it? Some stealth research revealed he is 50 fucking 8. Is it unreasonable to ID future dates?! So glad I didn't take things further with him but still annoyed he fooled me at all. Urghhhhhhhh! Dickhead. Sorry just wanted to rant I think.

Mermaidwaves · 03/02/2022 20:24

Urggh rant away! Such egos on these guys! I met a guy who lied about his age and to be honest I still didnt think he was giving me his true age as he looked loads older!

When he confessed about it he put up these silly sad face emojis so I would feel sorry for him. He also claimed to be " the nicest guy you will ever meet" and turned out to be very intense, so much so that it put me right off him.

Are there any normal men online I wonder?

RedCandyApple · 03/02/2022 20:26

I joined tinder just to look at what was out there and I seen a guy that use to go to my secondary school, he was 2 years above me in school but on his profile he was 2 years younger than I am now

Original poster

writergirl747474 · 03/02/2022 21:02

This guy had knocked almost a decade off. The annoying thing was he actually looked younger.

God know what other lies he told me. My bullshit detector went into overdraft during the evening. Wish I'd spoken out at the time, walked off and left him with the restaurant bill.

So tempted to message him what I think of him....but know it's better just left.

I actually look younger but it would feel so wrong to lie to get a younger guy into bed.

He told me he'd deleted Tinder now he'd met me (I didn't say the same in return). Now I wonder if he just unmatched me so I didn't report his profile for being lies.

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Ozanj · 03/02/2022 21:07

In my experience of OLD men lie about height / age / income (on the more serious matrimonial type websites). Women tend to lie about size / weight / interests and what they want specifically out of the match (many deliberately cast the net too wide so they get more dates even when they know they want nothing to do with you).

arethereanyleftatall · 03/02/2022 21:11

Men are so arrogant on OLD...they go for women 10 years younger, 10 times prettier and more interesting than they are...then wonder why they don't get responses!!

iwishu · 03/02/2022 21:14

Would really put me off, one lie soon turns into many lies, not worth it.

Original poster

writergirl747474 · 03/02/2022 21:21

Oh yeah it's completely done. No way I'd see him again. What else would he lie about?

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arethereanyleftatall · 03/02/2022 21:37

I've had about 50 dates over the past 2 years. 100% of the blokes who detailed that I was their best date ever, disappeared shortly after, either before or immediately after we slept together (don't worry ladies, I was using them too). Anyway, the best relationships I've had, have never started off with quite so many compliments.
It's now a red flag for me.

Original poster

writergirl747474 · 03/02/2022 21:45

Yeah his gushing admiration of me didn't quite ring true. But always nice to hear nice things about yourself I suppose.

I'm sort of surprise he's made no attempt to explain himself...but, then, how could he?

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arethereanyleftatall · 03/02/2022 21:48

@writergirl747474

Yeah his gushing admiration of me didn't quite ring true. But always nice to hear nice things about yourself I suppose.

I'm sort of surprise he's made no attempt to explain himself...but, then, how could he?

It is nice, but it shouldn't be. It's fake. I'm trying to beat liking it out of myself!

arethereanyleftatall · 03/02/2022 21:50

The nicest compliments are the ones you get the longer you've been in a relationship.

Original poster

writergirl747474 · 03/02/2022 22:22

@arethereanyleftatall

The nicest compliments are the ones you get the longer you've been in a relationship.

That's probably true. But I can't remember the last time I made it past date two with someone.

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Milomonster · 03/02/2022 22:29

Yeah this is why internet sleuthing is a must. I called someone out about lying about his age. I worked it out from his LinkedIn. Never heard from him again. I wouldn’t tolerate lies about age as what else are they hiding?

Anothergreatday · 03/02/2022 22:39

@arethereanyleftatall

Men are so arrogant on OLD...they go for women 10 years younger, 10 times prettier and more interesting than they are...then wonder why they don't get responses!!

Just on OLD lol I know many guys who do this in real life too yet I don’t know many women who consistently want men ten plus years younger and ten times prettier

Elieza · 03/02/2022 22:49

It’s not just age that they lie about though.

I messaged one guy online whose profile said he was 6’2” but when I decided not to meet him he said I was turning down a 6’5” model!

I said beauty’s skin deep and I’m more interested in what lies beneath, like personality and he said how dare I talk to to him like that as he’s a nurse in a cancer ward. WTAF. Sigh. Put me right off.

haveagohero · 03/02/2022 22:55

I can top this - I found out 14 months after being with my ex that he lied about his age by NINE years. Apart from what else they might lie about (in his case, just about everything), I was upset that I was never afforded the luxury of deciding whether or not to date someone so much older, but he ruthlessly decided to date someone so much younger. He had been badgering me to lose weight, I guess so he could have ‘the full package’. One of the first things he said when I confronted him was ‘don’t think that gets you off the hook to lose weight, that’s not how this works’.

The most disgusting thing is their actual stupidity. I found out by googling him for something completely innocent, and it brought up entries from companies house with his year of birth. Naive me thought it must have been an entry error. I went so far as to look for his birth certificate online. Fucking cringe that I didn’t kick him into touch straight away. He’s a sad old 65 year old living with his mum. Yes, because that’s what else he was lying about - he was totally skint. It was 2.5 years of complete theatre

Mermaidwaves · 03/02/2022 23:19

@haveagohero
I came across men like this pressuring me to lose weight.....they themselves were balding, overweight boglins. Sorry you experienced this too.

haveagohero · 03/02/2022 23:30

@Mermaidwaves I actually laugh about it now. In truth, I should lose weight -but I like me. You recall that scene in the SATC movie where Samantha breaks up with smith? Her line ‘I love you, but I love me more ‘? Always think about that because it’s not selfish. We just need to remember to love ourselves too. And I don’t know what it is about the thrall men have over women. We forget ourselves

EarthSight · 03/02/2022 23:37

@haveagohero

That reminds me of a song by Marina I listened to recently. Same title.

Sonaftersonafterson · 03/02/2022 23:41

Its stupid to lie but I do understand some of the reasons people do it.

but just playing devils advocate here, if he was drop dead gorgeous and your perfect man in every way would you still bin him off for this?

Not being antagonistic just curious

haveagohero · 03/02/2022 23:41

@EarthSight how great that it was put to music!! Thanks you for that

cheshirebloke · 04/02/2022 00:38

Not excusing it, but women are just as bad. One date I went on I didn't recognise from her photos (they must have been 10-15 years out of date) and she was similarly older.

Another woman I was seeing for a while kept changing her age, then claimed she couldn't actually remember how old she was...

At the end of the day, the actual number of years probably doesn't matter that much (within reason) - if they look like their photos/what you expected them to. Some act younger than their years, others older. I know a woman 15 years older than me, but she has such a youthful outlook that it feels like chatting to someone half her age.

The only time age is really sensitive is when it comes to women and fertility - then there's a big difference between a 32 and 38.

Original poster

writergirl747474 · 04/02/2022 07:02

@cheshirebloke

Not excusing it, but women are just as bad. One date I went on I didn't recognise from her photos (they must have been 10-15 years out of date) and she was similarly older.

Another woman I was seeing for a while kept changing her age, then claimed she couldn't actually remember how old she was...

At the end of the day, the actual number of years probably doesn't matter that much (within reason) - if they look like their photos/what you expected them to. Some act younger than their years, others older. I know a woman 15 years older than me, but she has such a youthful outlook that it feels like chatting to someone half her age.

The only time age is really sensitive is when it comes to women and fertility - then there's a big difference between a 32 and 38.

So you think age only matters with women and fertility? If a man knocks a decade off his age and the relationship leads to a baby the woman could end up with a teenager and geriatric at the same time when she didn't sign up for it? But that's ok?

This wasn't about looks. He looked younger and like his photos. But lied about so much stuff.

Also men's fertility declines with age too, even if they don't like the fact.

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Original poster

writergirl747474 · 04/02/2022 07:04

@Sonaftersonafterson

Its stupid to lie but I do understand some of the reasons people do it.

but just playing devils advocate here, if he was drop dead gorgeous and your perfect man in every way would you still bin him off for this?

Not being antagonistic just curious

They do it to get a younger person into bed/a relationship. Not acceptable.

My perfect man wouldn't lie about stuff from the off, so yeah I'd dump.

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Original poster

writergirl747474 · 04/02/2022 07:05

@haveagohero

I can top this - I found out 14 months after being with my ex that he lied about his age by NINE years. Apart from what else they might lie about (in his case, just about everything), I was upset that I was never afforded the luxury of deciding whether or not to date someone so much older, but he ruthlessly decided to date someone so much younger. He had been badgering me to lose weight, I guess so he could have ‘the full package’. One of the first things he said when I confronted him was ‘don’t think that gets you off the hook to lose weight, that’s not how this works’.

The most disgusting thing is their actual stupidity. I found out by googling him for something completely innocent, and it brought up entries from companies house with his year of birth. Naive me thought it must have been an entry error. I went so far as to look for his birth certificate online. Fucking cringe that I didn’t kick him into touch straight away. He’s a sad old 65 year old living with his mum. Yes, because that’s what else he was lying about - he was totally skint. It was 2.5 years of complete theatre

God what an arsehole.

Companies House is a godsend. It was bad maths that gave this guy away as a liar... But CH which actually revealed his date of birth.

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