Dating and age lies. Do they think we're stupid?

[writergirl747474]

Date two last night with a guy who had been mega keen. He was texting me loads after date 1 saying how awesome I was, where could I see this going, best date he'd ever had, blah blah blah. Actually a bit too intense for me so I held back a bit. I wasn't quite so enamoured but he seemed nice enough and we'd had a fun time.

Anyway... Date 2 and I realised he'd lied about his age. He'd told me he'd got married at 34, had a child within a couple of years and that kid was now 17. His profile said he was 49.... Also his ex-wife seemed to change from 10 years younger to 14 years younger.

We even had a conversation about how people lied about age on their dating profiles!

I should have called him out on it in person but didn't and the date wasn't great anyway. But I pondered overnight and text him today saying I'd been doing some maths and his story didn't add up. He replied saying he didn't get married at 34 but I was "right about the maths".

Then...nothing. No explanation. What a twat. How do they think they will get away with it? Some stealth research revealed he is 50 fucking 8.

Is it unreasonable to ID future dates?!

So glad I didn't take things further with him but still annoyed he fooled me at all. Urghhhhhhhh! Dickhead.

Sorry just wanted to rant I think.

@GrandmasCat

It is not only men who do it, look at the huge amount of women using filters in profile photos or some that are 10 years old. The most common complaint I hear from men is “it was as if her mum had shown to the date instead”

But I agree, it is annoying.

Is using old pics the same as a blatant lie about age though? Obviously the two go hand in hand quite a lot. The guy I dated looked like his pics but had lied by nearly a decade.

I'm starting to think I'm the only one who doesn't use filters (actually no idea how to) and admits their age...

Not sure about age, but loads of women use different filters, effects , those silly cat whiskers, bunny ears etc, no, just no.

@curmudgeonly007

Not sure about age, but loads of women use different filters, effects , those silly cat whiskers, bunny ears etc, no, just no.

To be honest if a man sees a pic of woman with bunny ears and concludes she actually has bunny ears and is disappointed by her real human ears, he deserves everything he gets😂

Seriously how do you see women's profiles anyway? If I search for women on Tinder, as I am a woman it then shows me lesbians? How do I see women also looking for men?

@writergirl747474
That’s because I’m a person with a penis 😂😂
Lots of female profiles are terrible, just make yourself a fake male profile and take a look.

🤣🤣 I knocked 4 yrs off my real age when first started on the dating apps.
I did it for joke, because i wasn't taking the dating seriously.

Out of all the dates I had only 1 that got annoyed at my Tom foolery.
However some women seem to misuse the word curvy and slim.
It was an experience.🤣🤣
Those pics at an angle from above or the filters.😬😂🙈

@Hrpuffnstuff1

🤣🤣 I knocked 4 yrs off my real age when first started on the dating apps. I did it for joke, because i wasn't taking the dating seriously.

Out of all the dates I had only 1 that got annoyed at my Tom foolery.
However some women seem to misuse the word curvy and slim.
It was an experience.🤣🤣
Those pics at an angle from above or the filters.😬😂🙈

It's not "Tomfoolery" though .. it's a lie. And it's a lot harder to suss out, without seeing ID, than whether someone is curvy or slim?

I matched with a guy who claimed he was a year older than me, so 51. His pics in profile seemed to tie up with that.

Met up with him at a group hike, and I walked straight past him, at first. There was just no way he was 51 no matter how tough a life he'd had.

So I asked him again about age, then he had a go at me and replied with the usual age is but a number crap. It was a short meet up and we didn't get on, so that was the end of that.

Well so I thought.

He had given me his number in case one of us was late etc for the meet up. A little while later I see he posted a photo on his whatsapp status. At that time, only the over 60s were having their covid vaccinations, and there he was getting his. And he posted it!

I wound have put him about 62 or so, so again, a good 10 years he had knocked off himself. His photos were from 10 years ago as well.

I did have a good laugh at how he outed himself though 😂

Two things no one knew, told them the truth on the first date.
Most laughed.

It's quite possible to someone entirely different online. Especially on tinder when messing about. What starts off as a joke then becomes a habit ..

When we were younger me and my group of friends always used to make up a fictional occupation when out on the lash. I once pretended to be a pro footballer at a HBOS function.
Even the higher ups were shaking my hand.😂😂

@casper01 that’s true , I don’t think it helps anyone and as a woman I wouldn’t want a guy who wanted someone younger - so not recommending it at all
I’m simply pointing out the reasons for men and women doing it are often vastly different
Women , many of them are trying to get past filters many men put on that prevent them even seeing women their same age whereas many men are trying to get to younger women
I don’t think some guys realise just how many older men 40 plus will not even leave their profiles open to women unless they are considerably younger
Amd yes sadly , the myth that men age better still exists amongst many people - although I see little evidence

I have a morbidly obese female friend (pear shaped) and she only uses ancient head shots in her OLD profile, at least photos that are 15 years old (and she has a very pretty face and hair). The closest self description option Match gave her was "curvy" and she used that. No full length photo in her profile.

We attended these Match single parties together. I have a perfect hourglass figure. I am not kidding when I say men would shove my skinny ass aside in order to talk to my friend with the giant ass. We laughed about it.

Yet, in the more traditional OLD dating method - without the in-person parties - men might get mad at her "misrepresentation" of her figure.

But then maybe men don't like "overweight" as in apple shaped, but they like big butts?? I don't know.

Man, I miss those parties. I need to sign up again.

@LimeSegment

I once matched with a guy who said he was 35, but his user name was (say) niceguy1976. Didn't have to call Sherlock Holmes to figure that one out.

@isthismylifenow

I matched with a guy who claimed he was a year older than me, so 51. His pics in profile seemed to tie up with that.

Met up with him at a group hike, and I walked straight past him, at first. There was just no way he was 51 no matter how tough a life he'd had.

So I asked him again about age, then he had a go at me and replied with the usual age is but a number crap. It was a short meet up and we didn't get on, so that was the end of that.

Well so I thought.

He had given me his number in case one of us was late etc for the meet up. A little while later I see he posted a photo on his whatsapp status. At that time, only the over 60s were having their covid vaccinations, and there he was getting his. And he posted it!

I wound have put him about 62 or so, so again, a good 10 years he had knocked off himself. His photos were from 10 years ago as well.

I did have a good laugh at how he outed himself though 😂

Lol. What an idiot.

But that's the thing. If you lied about your age there would then be so many things that trip you up and you'd have to be constantly thinking about it to not give the game away.

I had another date last night with someone who was "43". I told him about my recent experience, giving him the opportunity to fess up if relevant. He didn't.

Later in the conversation we talked about when our respective parents died. I said "I lost my dad in X year when I was Y age". He said he lost his mum the same year when he was the same age... Which obviously makes him my age (48).

It wasn't a goer anyway but still irritating that they all lie, even when given the chance to confess. And why would someone exactly my age want me to believe he was 5 years younger?

Honestly op, it’s not just men who do this, women do it too. A male friend of ours online dates now he is divorced and he said the overwhelming majority of the women he has met, look absolutely nothing like their photos. They are heavily filtered, or taken decades ago, and some lie about their age.

One woman who claimed to be early fifties was late sixties when he met her, and even admitted it when he gently queried. He said some he literally couldn’t recognise they looked so different from their decades old, heavily filtered photo.

I get the impression they do it to attract someone, then hope the person will like them enough when they meet in the flesh, that it doesn’t matter. I suppose it’s a sign of insecurity. If you don’t get anyone attracted to the real you then doctor it to attract someone.

He also said some of the behaviour was deeply concerning. For example he met one woman for a walk and a coffee, his son texted him something, and he looked at his phone quickly and responded, and she started crying and saying he was cheating on her, and texting other women, when he’d literally met her for th first time thirty mins previously.

I started out telling the truth and then when i realised men assed 45 meant 50 and their 50 meant 60, I gave up on the whole endeavour. Much happier not trying to sort through men looking for free prostitutes online.

I ran the OLD gauntlet in my early 30s and for quite fed up with amount of lying on profiles. Non current photos, age, bullshitting about interests,

Agh, posted too soon....

It was quite irritating turning up to a date and seeing that the person is nothing like their profile. That charity hike up Snowdon 12 years ago does not mean you are 'into the outdoors' if you have done nothing like that since. No, your amazing personality is not going to make me forget you are 8 years older then what you have stated on your profile and ticking the 'curvy' box will not magically make anyone see past the fact you are 'round'.

@Colderthanever

Honestly op, it’s not just men who do this, women do it too. A male friend of ours online dates now he is divorced and he said the overwhelming majority of the women he has met, look absolutely nothing like their photos. They are heavily filtered, or taken decades ago, and some lie about their age.

One woman who claimed to be early fifties was late sixties when he met her, and even admitted it when he gently queried. He said some he literally couldn’t recognise they looked so different from their decades old, heavily filtered photo.

I get the impression they do it to attract someone, then hope the person will like them enough when they meet in the flesh, that it doesn’t matter. I suppose it’s a sign of insecurity. If you don’t get anyone attracted to the real you then doctor it to attract someone.

He also said some of the behaviour was deeply concerning. For example he met one woman for a walk and a coffee, his son texted him something, and he looked at his phone quickly and responded, and she started crying and saying he was cheating on her, and texting other women, when he’d literally met her for th first time thirty mins previously.

I not come across women lying about their age (that I know of), but certainly have experienced the decade old, filtered pictures thing. I suppose everyone wants to present the very best version of themselves

I suppose everyone wants to present the very best version of themselves

The problem is it is not the best version of themselves, it's essentially a photoshoped lie. There is a world of difference between picking a naturally flattering photo of you all sunkissed and looking fab on holiday and rinsing your photo through several filters that remove wrinkles, blemishes and grey hair.

Also, from my experience women lie about their age, a lot.

@DillonPanthersTexas

I suppose everyone wants to present the very best version of themselves

The problem is it is not the best version of themselves, it's essentially a photoshoped lie. There is a world of difference between picking a naturally flattering photo of you all sunkissed and looking fab on holiday and rinsing your photo through several filters that remove wrinkles, blemishes and grey hair.

Also, from my experience women lie about their age, a lot.

This. Plus when you meet in person, is it going to be possible to continue applying the filter(s)? I just think you have to start as you mean to go on.

I agree, it’s not presenting the best image of yourself if you put a twenty year old/ heavily filtered image on. When you meet it’s going to be apparent what you look like. It’s one thing to present a flattering litghtly filtered photo, it’s another to present something you bear little resemblance too.

I understand why people do it though, to get them into thr date in the first place, but it’s beyond pointless.

The lady my friend met who was late sixties and had said early fifties, found it comical, she’d assumed he would have done the same thing, when he had not. She also seemed to think she looked much younger than her years, and could pass as early fifties, when she looked every inch of a woman knocking on seventy and he spotted it immediately.

I’d never lie on a dating profile.

1. it’s weird
2. the truth will come out if it ends up going anywhere and you’ll seem sketchy
3. if you use an overly flattering photo you risk being crushed when they see the real you, look visibly disappointed, and say ‘eh, you look nothing like your pic, love’.

[quote Anothergreatday]@casper01 that’s true , I don’t think it helps anyone and as a woman I wouldn’t want a guy who wanted someone younger - so not recommending it at all
I’m simply pointing out the reasons for men and women doing it are often vastly different
Women , many of them are trying to get past filters many men put on that prevent them even seeing women their same age whereas many men are trying to get to younger women
I don’t think some guys realise just how many older men 40 plus will not even leave their profiles open to women unless they are considerably younger
Amd yes sadly , the myth that men age better still exists amongst many people - although I see little evidence [/quote]
But this makes no sense, if a man isn’t interested in a woman his age, then move on. Find someone who is. Why lie to get a man to meet you under false pretences. It’s waste of both your time. If he puts the age filter on, accept it and move on.it’s so desperate to try to get them to meet you like this. And much worse than him wishing to be with a younger woman. And that applies to both genders.

[quote Anothergreatday]@casper01 that’s true , I don’t think it helps anyone and as a woman I wouldn’t want a guy who wanted someone younger - so not recommending it at all
I’m simply pointing out the reasons for men and women doing it are often vastly different
Women , many of them are trying to get past filters many men put on that prevent them even seeing women their same age whereas many men are trying to get to younger women
I don’t think some guys realise just how many older men 40 plus will not even leave their profiles open to women unless they are considerably younger
Amd yes sadly , the myth that men age better still exists amongst many people - although I see little evidence [/quote]
Perhaps I'm the exception as I don't want to date someone a lot younger. I go about 5 years either side. Happy with a slightly older woman as I have kids and don't want more (I'm 41 so kind of on that threshold where some around my age do and some don't).

I'm mid 40s.

The average 45 year man on OLD, seemed to want to date someone from 30-40. To be fair men can father families into their 60s. (Whether they should or not is beyond the scope of this.)
As a general rule, men interested in a women in their mid 40s were 50+ minimum and more like 55+.Not in every case by any means.

Then the height thing. At 5'10, I expect half of my dates to be shorter than me. 5'7 is generally my limit - most who said they were 5'8 were 5'6 or under... Apparently women only like tall men - well I'm not that fussy I just don't want to look like a giant.

I've always taken the stance with OLD, that there's no point in pretending to be something you are not. Nothing wrong with a little mystery and intrigue but if someone's prepared to lie - and lie about age, height etc... where does it stop? It might seem deducting a couple of years and adding a couple of inches is bending the truth, which it may be, but where do you draw the line?

Yeh i got told off by men for the other taller women who rejected them for being 5'8". They rejected me for being 5'1 though!
God, so done with men and dating. Watched the tinder swindler last night which has put me off dating in my next life too!