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Original poster

Dating and age lies. Do they think we're stupid?

100 replies

writergirl747474 · 03/02/2022 19:38

Date two last night with a guy who had been mega keen. He was texting me loads after date 1 saying how awesome I was, where could I see this going, best date he'd ever had, blah blah blah. Actually a bit too intense for me so I held back a bit. I wasn't quite so enamoured but he seemed nice enough and we'd had a fun time.

Anyway... Date 2 and I realised he'd lied about his age. He'd told me he'd got married at 34, had a child within a couple of years and that kid was now 17. His profile said he was 49.... Also his ex-wife seemed to change from 10 years younger to 14 years younger.

We even had a conversation about how people lied about age on their dating profiles!

I should have called him out on it in person but didn't and the date wasn't great anyway. But I pondered overnight and text him today saying I'd been doing some maths and his story didn't add up. He replied saying he didn't get married at 34 but I was "right about the maths".

Then...nothing. No explanation. What a twat. How do they think they will get away with it? Some stealth research revealed he is 50 fucking 8.

Is it unreasonable to ID future dates?!

So glad I didn't take things further with him but still annoyed he fooled me at all. Urghhhhhhhh! Dickhead.

Sorry just wanted to rant I think.

OP posts:
Abbo552 · 04/02/2022 21:05

@HaggisBurger

Fessing up to lying about my age on OLD (by 4 years) and were I to go back on it I’d continue to do so …

My “excuses”

  • I only use current photos and do look younger than my age
  • I immediately ‘fess up on first date to my real age if it’s anyone I’m interested in seeing again so they get to make an informed decision about whether the lie was an issue or my real age was an issue
(my current fella was genuinely shocked at my true age - still says he thinks we both look young for our age and isn’t bothered that I’m 2 years older than him rather than 2 years younger 🤥. It’s something we joke about)
  • my reasoning is a lot of men search about 10 years younger than them. My real age put me slightly above the 45 cut off and I really didn’t want to be seeing 55 year olds. I am very clear I don’t want any more kids etc.

I think if you come clean v early on it’s fine and part of the cut & thrust of OLD. I do find Companies House a god send. I wouldn’t mind a guy who lied himself up to a max of 5 years as long as he was fit and young looking for his actual years and didn’t perpetuate the lie.

It’s too hard with kids ages etc and no way could I do it past date one.

Isn’t this just double standards, then making up some excuses to justify it ?
Anothergreatday · 04/02/2022 21:33

@Abbo552. Whilst I don’t think it’s good for anyone to lie about their age to certainly understand why some women feel more pressure because of so many men setting their age limits low
Seems women do it just to be able to be actually seen and not invisible because of the crappy attitude many men have towards women their own age , whereas many men are luring about their age in order to trick younger women into talking to them
Absolutely sleazy that is !
So no I don’t see it as a double standard when women are up against age discrimination at a rate men simply are not . The reasons do make a difference imo . She’s doing it to trick the alogorythn because of mens attitudes and he’s doing it cause he thinks he’s above women his age and Deserves someone younger ( a story many women are sick of hearing ) not all men do this but many do !
Still , I wouldn’t do it or recommend it , simply because I’m not lying to any jerk who only wants to talk to me if I’m younger Smile

HaggisBurger · 04/02/2022 21:44

@Abbo552 - er no!? How is it “double” standards when I said I was ok with a guy lying about his age in similar circumstances with me. It would be double standards if I said I’d be furious if a guy ever lied about his age on OLD ….

Anothergreatday · 04/02/2022 22:02

[quote HaggisBurger]@Abbo552 - er no!? How is it “double” standards when I said I was ok with a guy lying about his age in similar circumstances with me. It would be double standards if I said I’d be furious if a guy ever lied about his age on OLD ….[/quote]
That’s true too

Abbo552 · 04/02/2022 22:12

@Anothergreatday
Yes I do appreciate your points, but even so it’s not really fair to complain about men doing x then in the next breath say it’s okay for women to do x, it does sound a bit like do as I say and not as I do.

@HaggisBurger
Unfortunately this thread is about men lying about their age on OLD profiles and why they shouldn’t, and you admitted you lied about your age and would lie again, so sorry yeah does kinda smack of a double standard to me.

I realise I’m going against the grain but just don’t see how you can complain about one group of people doing something, but then say it’s okay for another group of people to do exactly the same thing.

PermanentTemporary · 04/02/2022 22:12

Why the hell would I be interested in meeting a man who only wanted to meet women younger than me??

I do know women who absolutely refuse to meet men shorter than them so I kind of get the height lies, except that having moved well beyond this myself I think it's a bit silly if shorter men set out to date women who have that issue.

Anothergreatday · 04/02/2022 22:24

@PermanentTemporary

Why the hell would I be interested in meeting a man who only wanted to meet women younger than me??

I do know women who absolutely refuse to meet men shorter than them so I kind of get the height lies, except that having moved well beyond this myself I think it's a bit silly if shorter men set out to date women who have that issue.

So do you also ‘ get ‘ why women lie about age seeing as that is the areas women are discriminated in Btw I totally agree , why would any woman want a man who only wants younger women but a guy could say why would I want yo meet a woman who only wants taller guys At the end of the day one’s physical attributes are always going to come into play whether male or female ie am I attracted to them … so whatever to height But many many older men won’t even open their profiles to allow women their same age to write or be seen … so they have no idea how they look they just have this idea that youth is what matters so much in a woman . They can’t claim it’s about attraction when they haven’t even seen the woman their age Just pigs really
Original poster
writergirl747474 · 04/02/2022 22:55

I actually look pretty young and could easily pass for much younger. It just seems wrong to start anything with a lie....or load of lies.

As soon as I figured this guy out I just wondered if anything he said was true.

OP posts:
upsiderightside · 04/02/2022 23:01

I've been on dates with two men who thought it was OK to lie about their age because they thought they looked younger. I've been told I look younger but don't see the point of lying.

I also had a few dates with someone I really liked who had put his age on the dating site as four years younger than he was. I remember telling him that I didn't notice the age gap as I thought he was about 5 years younger than me.

deeplyrooted · 05/02/2022 08:33

Lying is very unattractive but oh so common.
Dh stood out for me because he was such a blatant, brazen truth teller.

ByeByeMissAmericanPie · 05/02/2022 08:41

@Inthesameboatatmo

Byebyemissamericanpie. I had exactly the same thing a few months ago. I'm also 5,7. The guy on his profile said 5,11. He was about 5,5 I'd say as I looked down on him and I wasn't wearing heels.
I’m actually still with my ‘slightly shorter than quoted’ guy… but I only wear flats. Good job athleisure is a good look!
bathsh3ba · 05/02/2022 17:18

I was sure I'd posted on this thread but apparently not. I had a date with a guy and subsequently found out he had used someone else's photo and lied about his first name. Later on I also found out he had lied about the sex and age of his children. I still can't understand why!

UserBot9to5 · 05/02/2022 17:23

Yeh, had a bad experience once with a man who I checked out on line and he was a good TEN years older than he'd said he was. I had paid a babysitter. I cancelled and gave the babysitter half. When I told him, he was horrible. Wasn't at all apologetic or 'caught out'. He was really dismissive and sarcastically wished me good luck with my ''life'' as though my life was not a life but a ''life''.

Crikeyalmighty · 05/02/2022 17:38

I really don’t get the point of guys in their 50s and60s lying— it would make far more sense to be ideally looking for partners within 0-5 years either side of your age simply because there are likely to be more reference points in common, similar stages in life etc— I do know there are some deliriously happy couples with 15 or 20 years between them but it often comes back to bite them on the bum in middle age when the 49 year old suddenly doesn’t fancy the 67 year old etc and has different expectations etc . If it’s just they fancy a shag with someone a lot younger rather than a relationship then be upfront about that and see how many women aren’t that interested— a lot of women (not all) who do go for much older men are looking for a nice lifestyle not a one off shag

Crikeyalmighty · 05/02/2022 17:41

My only experience of this was more that a guy I lived with for a few years initially lied about his job big style but got caught out as when I moved in with him I got put on a temp job at his place of work— and I never actually mentioned about it to his face either— sort of pretended I had forgotten what he said he did to save his face!!

Itsnotdeep · 05/02/2022 17:50

I don't know why they lie - they always look the age they are, not the age they want to be! I don't know if they are just self-deluded.

I'm dating now and there are an awful lot of very aged looking 48 year olds!

BringOnTheOtherWorlders · 05/02/2022 18:13

Pre-pandemic I was on Match so I could attend their in-person parties. Each party had an age range (which varied) and only profiles within that range would receive the invitations. I went to about 15 parties.

LOTS of men lie in order to go get the invitations to the younger age range parties. I don't blame them because when I went to parties were I was on the lower end of the official range, I didn't like it. I was not in search of anyone a lot older. I wanted someone same-age. There were rarely same-age people when I was the youngest age there.

Generally, though I thought the in-person parties were great fun. I never met anyone (nor did my friends I attended with) but it was just a fun night out.

Anothergreatday · 05/02/2022 20:35

@BringOnTheOtherWorlders

Pre-pandemic I was on Match so I could attend their in-person parties. Each party had an age range (which varied) and only profiles within that range would receive the invitations. I went to about 15 parties.

LOTS of men lie in order to go get the invitations to the younger age range parties. I don't blame them because when I went to parties were I was on the lower end of the official range, I didn't like it. I was not in search of anyone a lot older. I wanted someone same-age. There were rarely same-age people when I was the youngest age there.

Generally, though I thought the in-person parties were great fun. I never met anyone (nor did my friends I attended with) but it was just a fun night out.

But like you say you want someone the same age and if you went to parties where you were on the younger end of the scale you know you’d probably get lots of male attention because of mens obsession with youth For men they do it to ‘access ‘ younger women . They are not necessarily going to get more attention being on the younger end of the scale because women tend to look at men as the whole person and don’t automatically consider that younger means more attractive Two different reasons for wanting to change the age Once again- women just want to be seen and get past the prejudice ken have against older women And men want to pretend they are younger to get younger women . There are exceptions but this is in general
EarthSight · 05/02/2022 23:09

@emilyintheSE

This has happened to me.

Got along really well with a guy whose profile said he was 43 but after some digging I found out he's 49!

I could tell he was older than he said when we went on our date but I didn't question it, some people look older than they do. Only found out after our date he had lied. I was so annoyed at myself for being misled!

Why do men do this?!

@emilyintheSE This was probably a rhetorical question but it's because they're fishing for someone much younger than them . If they're 40, they only have to say they're 35 and they might bag a 30 year old. There is something gross about that level of sleazy disrespect from the outset.

Clearly women their own age are so hideous they couldn't possibly be sexually attractive.

JustKittenAround · 06/02/2022 04:25

@MrsBerthaRochester

Yes I hate it when they lie about height! Im 5'6 but Iike high heels which make me about 5'9 so I prefer if a guy is at least this height but met so many guys who say they 5'9/10 and when we meet they are shorter than me.
I’m 5’10 born female without shoes… in my past dating (engaged now) the amount of men who would lie was shocking.

They would in person lie to my face. They’d claim I was taller than I was! Delusional!

For the record I love being my height and always have. I grew up in an environment where I never felt bad.

I am not slouching nor am I fluffing delusional men who reach to be taller but neglect to be bigger men.

LimeSegment · 06/02/2022 04:49

I once matched with a guy who said he was 35, but his user name was (say) niceguy1976. Didn't have to call Sherlock Holmes to figure that one out.

Anothergreatday · 06/02/2022 04:55

@LimeSegment

I once matched with a guy who said he was 35, but his user name was (say) niceguy1976. Didn't have to call Sherlock Holmes to figure that one out.
Smile and they think women are stupid
ChiaraRimini · 06/02/2022 05:08

It certainly explains why some men look so terrible for their "age" on online dating. There used to be a myth that men got more attractive "distinguished" with age. If only! So many guys on OLD who look a complete state. Doesn't help when they post awful unflattering pictures of themselves scowling, sticking their tongues out or flicking the Vs. No self awareness. Helps filter out the idiots though.

Casper001 · 06/02/2022 07:46

[quote Anothergreatday]@Abbo552. Whilst I don’t think it’s good for anyone to lie about their age to certainly understand why some women feel more pressure because of so many men setting their age limits low
Seems women do it just to be able to be actually seen and not invisible because of the crappy attitude many men have towards women their own age , whereas many men are luring about their age in order to trick younger women into talking to them
Absolutely sleazy that is !
So no I don’t see it as a double standard when women are up against age discrimination at a rate men simply are not . The reasons do make a difference imo . She’s doing it to trick the alogorythn because of mens attitudes and he’s doing it cause he thinks he’s above women his age and Deserves someone younger ( a story many women are sick of hearing ) not all men do this but many do !
Still , I wouldn’t do it or recommend it , simply because I’m not lying to any jerk who only wants to talk to me if I’m younger Smile[/quote]
If you lie about age at the outset surely it completely undermines the dating process.

If someone said to me they'd lied about their age because of age discrimination I'd find it quite odd. If they told me in initial talking stage or first date could possibly look past it but even so would be worried there's other stuff being hidden.

GrandmasCat · 06/02/2022 07:51

It is not only men who do it, look at the huge amount of women using filters in profile photos or some that are 10 years old.
The most common complaint I hear from men is “it was as if her mum had shown to the date instead”

But I agree, it is annoying.