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Original poster

Dating and age lies. Do they think we're stupid?

100 replies

writergirl747474 · 03/02/2022 19:38

Date two last night with a guy who had been mega keen. He was texting me loads after date 1 saying how awesome I was, where could I see this going, best date he'd ever had, blah blah blah. Actually a bit too intense for me so I held back a bit. I wasn't quite so enamoured but he seemed nice enough and we'd had a fun time.

Anyway... Date 2 and I realised he'd lied about his age. He'd told me he'd got married at 34, had a child within a couple of years and that kid was now 17. His profile said he was 49.... Also his ex-wife seemed to change from 10 years younger to 14 years younger.

We even had a conversation about how people lied about age on their dating profiles!

I should have called him out on it in person but didn't and the date wasn't great anyway. But I pondered overnight and text him today saying I'd been doing some maths and his story didn't add up. He replied saying he didn't get married at 34 but I was "right about the maths".

Then...nothing. No explanation. What a twat. How do they think they will get away with it? Some stealth research revealed he is 50 fucking 8.

Is it unreasonable to ID future dates?!

So glad I didn't take things further with him but still annoyed he fooled me at all. Urghhhhhhhh! Dickhead.

Sorry just wanted to rant I think.

OP posts:
RedWingBoots · 04/02/2022 07:20

@cheshirebloke be careful with that thinking otherwise you may end up with a child you (initially) don't want.

Some of us are very fertile around 38 while others are on the road to the menopause. You can't tell which is which with women in their late 30s.

emilyintheSE · 04/02/2022 07:28

This has happened to me.

Got along really well with a guy whose profile said he was 43 but after some digging I found out he's 49!

I could tell he was older than he said when we went on our date but I didn't question it, some people look older than they do. Only found out after our date he had lied. I was so annoyed at myself for being misled!

Why do men do this?!

ByeByeMissAmericanPie · 04/02/2022 07:30

It’s when they lie about their height!

As if, when meeting them, you don’t immediately notice 🤣

Mine said he was 5’8”. I’m 5’7”. I looked down on him.

Howshouldibehave · 04/02/2022 07:34

God know what other lies he told me

Exactly-once you know someone is a liar, it means you can’t trust anything they say (a bit like our Prime Minister really!). Once the trust has gone, it’s not coming back and when they say, ‘I absolutely promise I will do xyz’ next time-you won’t believe them.

Anothergreatday · 04/02/2022 07:40

@cheshirebloke

Not excusing it, but women are just as bad. One date I went on I didn't recognise from her photos (they must have been 10-15 years out of date) and she was similarly older.

Another woman I was seeing for a while kept changing her age, then claimed she couldn't actually remember how old she was...

At the end of the day, the actual number of years probably doesn't matter that much (within reason) - if they look like their photos/what you expected them to. Some act younger than their years, others older. I know a woman 15 years older than me, but she has such a youthful outlook that it feels like chatting to someone half her age.

The only time age is really sensitive is when it comes to women and fertility - then there's a big difference between a 32 and 38.

Let’s not forget that age matters a whole lot more than fertility To many men. In fact many lie and change their age just to get younger women to actually talk to them and they don’t necessarily want kids Women have always been judged by men hugely on youth . It’s easy I guess as a man to sit back and say the only time it matters is with fertile and women but it’s a lie Also mens sorry quality decreases with age
MimiDaisy11 · 04/02/2022 07:45

I used to lie about my age 😂. It’s a stupid thing to do and it was only by a few years. I’d say I was 24 when I was 26 or something like that. I didn’t know men did this much and thought it’d be more prevalent for women since age seems to be more sensitive for women. I definitely noticed men lying about their height. If they said they were 6ft plus then I was sure they’d be taller than me (5ft7) but usually 5ft10 meant the same size and 5ft7 was shorter.

Original poster
writergirl747474 · 04/02/2022 07:58

Yeah have no idea why men lie about height or weight. Neither matter that much (unless you're a fitness freak and he's obese) but it's not like you won't notice when you meet them.

I think some guys think they have such an amazing personality that we'll forgive the lies. No.

Anyway I have called this guy a "sad old man" now, designed to hurt.

OP posts:
Original poster
writergirl747474 · 04/02/2022 08:02

Then I saw he was "typing" so blocked him before he could actually send. That would be frustrating for him, right?!

OP posts:
Journeynotdestination · 04/02/2022 08:29

I dated a guy who said he was 48, eventually found him on companies house & he was 58! Saw him on tinder recently (3 years later) and he still says he’s 48 😆… he’s now 61. So weird.

MrsBerthaRochester · 04/02/2022 08:37

I was with my exdh for years before I found out his age. I was 19 when we met, he said he was 26 when he was actually 29. His family all went along with it. Twat.
I know a guy who is on all the sites as being 39 when he is 50. He also lies about his height. Muppets the lot of them.

HacerSonarSusPasos · 04/02/2022 08:41

Disgusting, are't they?
Once I helped out a friend to dig up some info on a guy who had added her on FB and asked her out. She was 27, he told her he was 35.

A bit of research revealed that not only was he 43, there was also a wife and a daughter he was hiding.

Hope there's a special place in hell for such dudes

Crumbs22 · 04/02/2022 09:45

So sorry this fool wasted your time OP, what an idiot.

I think if someone lies about something so utterly basic like their age and/or height, it just shows they will continue to lie. It's just a question of getting what they want from you before you realise and dump and not facing any consequences because they've always got others lined up.

RedWingBoots · 04/02/2022 14:19

It’s when they lie about their height!

Years ago I met up with various guys through a site and noticed they were all at least slightly shorter than they said.

So I asked one guy who I got on with well when we met up what his height was. Without hesitation he said it was 2 inches shorter than his profile, which was my height. So I made him get up and stood next to him so I could check. He was surprised as I was apparently taller than what my profile said.

So I signed up with the site as a man and checked my profile. They had decreased my height by 2 inches. I suspected they had increased the men's height by 2 inches, which meant complete liars heights were increased by more.

MrsBerthaRochester · 04/02/2022 14:43

Yes I hate it when they lie about height! Im 5'6 but Iike high heels which make me about 5'9 so I prefer if a guy is at least this height but met so many guys who say they 5'9/10 and when we meet they are shorter than me.

casualencounter · 04/02/2022 16:23

@Ozanj

In my experience of OLD men lie about height / age / income (on the more serious matrimonial type websites). Women tend to lie about size / weight / interests and what they want specifically out of the match (many deliberately cast the net too wide so they get more dates even when they know they want nothing to do with you).
I'm a woman - I would never dream of putting my size or weight in my old profile. I do use up to date photos and I'm a size 10, but if any man had reference to a woman's size or weight on their profile I wouldn't entertain messaging or dating them.
casualencounter · 04/02/2022 16:28

@cheshirebloke

Not excusing it, but women are just as bad. One date I went on I didn't recognise from her photos (they must have been 10-15 years out of date) and she was similarly older.

Another woman I was seeing for a while kept changing her age, then claimed she couldn't actually remember how old she was...

At the end of the day, the actual number of years probably doesn't matter that much (within reason) - if they look like their photos/what you expected them to. Some act younger than their years, others older. I know a woman 15 years older than me, but she has such a youthful outlook that it feels like chatting to someone half her age.

The only time age is really sensitive is when it comes to women and fertility - then there's a big difference between a 32 and 38.

You obviously have your head buried in the sand about the well known link between a fathers age and ASD and lots of other life changing disabilities. Mumsnet is probably not the place for you to post!
junglejane66 · 04/02/2022 18:02

I think they should send a copy of their passport and a photo of them holding a copy of that days newspaper

layladomino · 04/02/2022 18:14

Any sort of lie is a warning sign. Not just that the person is willing to lie so easily, but also it means they are VERY insecure. And that isn't an attractive trait.

Bouledeneige · 04/02/2022 18:18

10 years us quite a whopper!

But women lie about their age too. On some sites it affects what age bracket search category you get put in.

Original poster
writergirl747474 · 04/02/2022 18:26

I just don't get the point of it. What if you lie about your age and end up dating someone you really like? You'd live in fear of being found out and them ending it. In fact that happened to a friend of mine and she was gutted.

At least with height/weight the lie is evident the moment you meet and you can make an instant decision.

Thankfully I wasn't too keen on this guy, would have been gutted if I had! And I'm pleased with ending it on "what a sad old man". That's gotta hurt someone that insecure....and I didn't lower myself to swearing.

OP posts:
Original poster
writergirl747474 · 04/02/2022 18:40

@junglejane66

I think they should send a copy of their passport and a photo of them holding a copy of that days newspaper
I'm actually going to make them do that in future. And I want references from 2 exes.
OP posts:
Inthesameboatatmo · 04/02/2022 18:45

Urgh. Why do they do that it's so off putting ffs , as if you would never find out the absolute idiot.

Inthesameboatatmo · 04/02/2022 18:49

Byebyemissamericanpie.
I had exactly the same thing a few months ago. I'm also 5,7. The guy on his profile said 5,11. He was about 5,5 I'd say as I looked down on him and I wasn't wearing heels.

HaggisBurger · 04/02/2022 18:58

Fessing up to lying about my age on OLD (by 4 years) and were I to go back on it I’d continue to do so …

My “excuses”

  • I only use current photos and do look younger than my age
  • I immediately ‘fess up on first date to my real age if it’s anyone I’m interested in seeing again so they get to make an informed decision about whether the lie was an issue or my real age was an issue
(my current fella was genuinely shocked at my true age - still says he thinks we both look young for our age and isn’t bothered that I’m 2 years older than him rather than 2 years younger 🤥. It’s something we joke about)
  • my reasoning is a lot of men search about 10 years younger than them. My real age put me slightly above the 45 cut off and I really didn’t want to be seeing 55 year olds. I am very clear I don’t want any more kids etc.

I think if you come clean v early on it’s fine and part of the cut & thrust of OLD. I do find Companies House a god send. I wouldn’t mind a guy who lied himself up to a max of 5 years as long as he was fit and young looking for his actual years and didn’t perpetuate the lie.

It’s too hard with kids ages etc and no way could I do it past date one.

JangolinaPitt · 04/02/2022 19:17

Watching with interest as am several years older than my bf whom I met in RL not OLD Never told him my age but he assumed I was younger than him (others think I am quite a bit younger than my real age) I haven’t actually said my age but is a lie by omission. My only excuse is the I don’t think we are in it for the long term anyway.