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Original poster

Dads new girlfriend

132 replies

premiumcogd · 30/01/2022 16:46

Just need a rant. Don't know where to start.

My mum died at the end of December 2020 after a long battle with cancer. She was only 63.

My DD started working in a pub recently. She came home from work last week saying grandad was in today with a woman. I thought that was sweet because I assumed it was his also widowed neighbour. Until DD said she looked young. He introduced this woman to DD as his friend.

He sent me a message that same evening asking me round for coffee at some point last week. I went, and he said that he wanted to let me know that he was seeing someone. If DD hadn't told me already that she'd seen them together I would've been shocked. He didn't say how long they had been seeing each other and I didn't think to ask. He asked if I wanted to meet her, and I said at some point sure. She was at his house within 30 mins.

My first thought is fucking hell you're young. I later find out she's 26. He is 65. He doesn't have loads of money but he's definitely comfortable and does own his house outright.

She seemed nice enough but completely icked me out when she made a joke about being my new stepmum. I am 13 years older than her. And again when I referred to a friend of my DD and she nudged my dad and said "that's a nice baby name". I didn't stay long after that.

She friend requested me on facebook and I accepted. Did some scrolling and didn't go back far before I saw a picture of her and my dad "happy one year anniversary" two weeks ago. What. The. Fuck. We had just had the first anniversary of my mums death 6 weeks ago. Meaning they got together 6 weeks after my mums death??

He still lives in the house he shared with my mum for decades. She had a bit of money in a bank account my dad didn't know about, which all went to him after her death, which he used on a holiday for himself. Turns out she went as well from the pictures on her fb.

I am mortified. I am upset, angry, confused and hurt. I feel like my dads grief over my mums death has all been fake. Or that maybe he spent her final dying weeks giving attention to his young new girlfriend, knowing that soon my mum would be gone and he could have a new life and a new start with her.

He has sent me a few texts since which I've ignored, asking when the whole family is free to properly meet his new girlfriend, as well as asking for a few more dates in the diary for upcoming months where we can all do stuff together. I can't think of anything worse than seeing her or speaking to her or speaking about her. I unfriended her on facebook. I don't want to get to know her and I feel resentment towards both of them. I just want them to fuck off together and leave me out of it

Sorry just needed to rant

OP posts:
northernlady2904 · 30/01/2022 21:02

Oh I'm so sorry OP. That is a really awful situation: personally I would be telling my dad exactly how I felt. I hope you're okay x

Mistymoors · 30/01/2022 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Squeezyhug · 30/01/2022 21:11

Tell your dad of your concerns.
You have nothing to lose. You might just manage to get him thinking about things on his own although he probably wouldn’t admit to it to start with.
Try to find out more about her first.
Sorry you are going through thisFlowers

ChickenStripper · 30/01/2022 21:18

First of all he is only 65 and he could have another 20 odd years ahead of him. However I don't like the time gap mentioned and the age gap - one is too short and the other is too large. There are women who do want a UK passport and will make moves towards that. I think I would be speaking to him and asking him how and when and what his intentions are. He may of course tell you that it is none of your business. He's acting like a prick trying to involve all the family though.

Jk24 · 30/01/2022 21:30

You need to speak to him about your concerns op. Is he a man who will listen and appreciate it?

Geppili · 30/01/2022 22:03

She is probably already pregnant. Widowed men are very vulnerable to this kind of relationship. She sounds like she is looking for a meal ticket and then an inheritance. This happened after my mother died. It feels frightful. I am so sorry. Thanks

Geppili · 30/01/2022 22:06

And a passport and citizenship.

Aphrodite31 · 30/01/2022 22:06

I don't think you should take her off Facebook. Request again. You need to keep an eye on this for your dad's sake.

I'm afraid without doubt she has targeted him as an older man with a house etc.

She will make him happy then inherit. That is her plan.

To say about being your stepmum and about baby names was VERY territorial.

How did they meet? She wasn't a carer for your mum, was she?

Geppili · 30/01/2022 22:09

I had the stepmum comment too, Op. It made me feel murderous! She is ruthlessly territorial already.

userxx · 30/01/2022 22:12

Jesus Christ, how do you even begin to wrap your head around that! I really feel for you op, I'd be beyond devastated.

Maze76 · 30/01/2022 22:17

It’s the long con… not unusual and perpetrated by a particular demographic. pretty similar to the ladies that fall for the hot young men overseas and then cry when their pensions are lost and bank accounts are dry.

Wednesdayafternoon · 30/01/2022 22:32

Oh OP I am so sorry to read this thread. This must be SO difficult for you.
I would be feeling a mixture of anger, rage, distrust and deep concern.

This women was happy to get with a man 6 weeks after his wife's death and so many years younger then him. This is not right. So sorry OP I have absolutely no advice but this isn't right. 😥

ChristmasPlanning · 30/01/2022 22:41

Your Father's behaviour is appalling. You have every right to be angry

Thehouseofmarvels · 30/01/2022 22:41

@Premiumcopd could your dad realistically finance a new family on the type of pension he has ? Would he cope well with the demands of babies and todlers?

Mauhhq · 30/01/2022 22:42

My dad is the same age as your dad, he cheated on my mum because he found someone 31 years younger, he divorced my mum and upgraded to a younger wife.

My baby brother is now 1 and was born when my dad was 64. I never thought my dad would be fertile over 60 until it happened, it caught me completely off guard.

Once my baby brother was born, my dad said I would have zero inheritance from him, my dad is super rich, now all the money and wealth would go to his new wife and son. I was in poverty last year as I lost my job, whereas his new wife was living in a life of luxury.

Speaking from personal experience and the trauma I have gone through - a 65 year old man can have another child, and it may turn your life upside down and change your relationship with your dad.

TyrannosaurusRegina · 30/01/2022 22:56

Weeks after your mothers death, Jesus some men are fucking disgraceful. I'd be having an honest and frank discussion with your dad and sooner rather than later.

PyongyangKipperbang · 31/01/2022 00:01

There's no fool like an old fool.

I think he is currently on the full rinse cycle. My ex was duped by a Russian woman in the same way but because we had still got shared email accounts I clocked what was going on and told him a horror story (totally made up) of a colleagues father who had been taken to the cleaners by a woman who spun him a story. Ex had already given her some money but told me later (when he realised that I had worked out what was going on) that he told her he had lost his job would be a bit skint until her got a new one. Never heard from her again. He was angry and embarrassed at first but thanked me later.

MrsSkylerWhite · 31/01/2022 00:05

Clicked to say yabu, he needs to move in, etc.
65 and 26, though? No, I’d feel really uncomfortable with that too.

grapewine · 31/01/2022 00:15

Sounds like a long con to me. Yikes. That's just devastating.

LouLouLou37 · 31/01/2022 00:32

How awful, your dad needs some sense knocked into him!

JustKittenAround · 31/01/2022 00:45

Hard to say what to do, but no way is a 26 year old actually I to a man of your fathers age.

If she is smart she will already be playing the “us against the world” bs…

Whatinthelord · 31/01/2022 00:54

Oh dear…I totally understand why you are upset op.

It does seem very unusual for someone 26 to be interested in an old man. I mean we all understand older men would like to be desired by young women (sorry for the ick), but what’s in it for her.

I’d be tempted to speak with your dad and just be honest and tell him the things you have found out (her age/speed of entering relationship/mention of baby) makes you very uncomfortable. You’re totally ok to tell him that you don’t currently want to be meeting up with her. Maybe discuss any concerns you have.

As someone else said…..he absolutely would be silly enough to put her in the will. So just be prepared that it could go that way….also if they get married…

chunkymonkey101 · 31/01/2022 01:03

I know it must be difficult but the worst thing you can do is cut contact and allow her to alienate him. The likelihood is that she is looking for money and being low contact with his family will make her job so much easier. Good luck OP.

LetsGoParty · 31/01/2022 01:04

I haven't read all the thread but have read the OPs posts.

I think people can grieve and find a new relationship at the same time. Just because you Dad has a new girlfriend doesn't mean that he didn't care about your Mum.

When my brothers first wife died he met his 2nd wife within 6 months. He was concerned it was too soon but they were made for each other. He was tactful and made sure none of her family knew. I fully supported him. He loved his first wife so much and he has always mourned her. We still chat about her and feel sad but he is also very happy with his 2nd wife. If he had not got involved with her who knows how his life would have turned out. I wouldn't have my lovely nephews either.

You can't always plan this things.

dipdye · 31/01/2022 01:12

It's not unusual at all.

He's a homeowner, lonely, solvent and 65. She's 26 and from the sounds of it bloody ruthless.

He's the golden ticket to some women.