I went to the cinema myself in the spirit of 'being all I need' but I feel so flat.

[inthevernacular]

I keep reading advice that says I need to make myself happy and live life to the fullest etc on my own.

I'm really struggling with online dating so I thought maybe this year I would try this, and work up to going on holiday on my own.

I don't know, I thought I would feel empowered and brave. I just still seemed to be the only one sitting alone in amongst all these couples.

I don't really know why I'm posting, but please just don't say meetup or hillwalking groups.

I don't mind being by myself a lot of the time but it is nice to have a couple of things to do over the weekend where you'll be with other people, do something interesting and fun and then go home again!

It's okay to feel lonely OP

Yeah, I think it is very different when you have a partner and you’re not lonely all the time.

No one batted an eyelid at me and I’ve said that already, but it still wasn’t the confidence boost that I keep reading about. I’m feeling ok about that this morning.

Don't force it OP, if it's not your thing that's fine.

Personally I do like watching movies alone. Plus sides for me are - no worry about whether the other person is liking it, I can eat a large amount of snacks without being embarrassed, if I don't like it I can just leave.

I regularly go to the cinema alone. No one else in the cinema ever bats an eyelid. I love it.

Equally I have zero issue dining alone. I actually find that staff are lovely / attentive. Take a paper/ book. Pick a place that has bar dining, well trained bar staff are happy to chit chat without being intrusive.

I went to Cornwall alone over New Years. Ate out every day/ went to the pub/ long walks / swam. Locals were lovely as were staff. I didn’t ever feel lonely. The more you do this, the easier it gets.

@inthevernacular IME it takes to build that confidence boost. I was nervous before I left for Cornwall and felt incredibly proud of myself when I left. It doesn’t happen the first time. Keep trying.

@Frollop

I think it's sometimes a different feeling/confidence when you go out by yourself and do an activity by yourself and knowing you will return home to a loving partner/family compared to returning home to no partner/family. I've had some lovely days out with friends who all have partners but when I return home it can often reinforce feelings of loneliness.

This.

Yep, its great doing things solo but do them when you aren't surrounded by people being sociable/couples. Weekend art gallerys, afternoon cinema.

And yep, 80% of my time is me time, I have me time down so damn well its tedious, I bore myself. But all this 'you should be enough for yourself, love yourself more' mindset can put guilt on when actually we are simply social creatures who need some pack time too.

There's a balance required isn't there!

i did go on my own, it was saturday evening and i did feel kind of awkward.
but there have been films lately on in the week that i have wanted to see which are not on at the weekends,
i wish i had just gone

as said, you dont exactly talk to anyone while watching the film

You've learnt that you don't like going to the cinema alone. You've learnt something about yourself which is a good thing.

A few years ago I wouldn't got for walks by myself. I had dc very young and had never gone anywhere without them. I now go for a walk every weekday lunchtime I can by myself. I listen to a podcast and have an hours walk. I love it. I go for the walk because I like going for walks. I look forward to it.

Try something else by yourself. If you don't like it you don't have to do it again.

I love the cinema on my own and have been loads of time, all different times of the day / days of the week. Plus eating out alone, museums, concerts, theatre, holidays. You become used to it and start to embrace it.

The important thing to remember is that the likelihood is that nobody else there even notices, if they do they're unlikely to give it a second thought, and even if they were to give it a second thought then who cares? You don't know them, they don't know you!

I love going to the cinema alone. Best to go earlier in the day when there are less people and see a film thats been out for a while so no crowds. I went last week saturday afternoon to see the matrix and the hall was almost empty😁

Then after i went to the wetherspoons next door for a glass of wine...alone😁. Was great...livin la vida loca...im easily pleased😁

Hey, what’s wrong with hillwalking?

I’m pretty happy on my own, but the trick isn’t to replicate things that people do as couples or families. As pp have said, going to the cinema alone is great - but maybe not on a Friday night.

I'm long term single and don't want a realtionship. I love going to the cinema on my own. Its better than going with a silent miserable husband like my ex who has no conversation.
Also this week I've done a 10 mile hike on exmoor and today I'm meeting up with a friend for lunch.
Tomorrow I'm meeting up with another friend for lunch.
I have two cats and a great job. I'm loving my life.
My two ex husbands were 1) abusive 2) unable to communicate like normal people.
My life without a relationship is 100% great.

@Dearblossom

Yep, its great doing things solo but do them when you aren't surrounded by people being sociable/couples. Weekend art gallerys, afternoon cinema.

And yep, 80% of my time is me time, I have me time down so damn well its tedious, I bore myself. But all this 'you should be enough for yourself, love yourself more' mindset can put guilt on when actually we are simply social creatures who need some pack time too.

There's a balance required isn't there!

Absolutely. I do think the idea that we can love ourselves completely without any other input from another human isn’t right.

I have been single for all of this pandemic so I’m afraid a solo walk has loooooong lost its novelty!

And yes it’s dark and no one can see, but the couples were very much sitting together, holding hands, leaning in, sharing food, at funny parts they were laughing together. I’d like that. Even the friends had a shared experience.

OP, I’ve been widowed for 30 years. I love live theatre and concerts, and regularly go alone, otherwise I would rarely get to go at all.
I often get into lovely conversations during the interval with whoever is sitting in the next seat - we discuss the performance etc.
I never speak first, as I don’t wish to intrude on a couple or family, but you’d be surprised how often people are happy to chat. Sometimes they are alone too - I had a lovely natter once with a dear old chap in his eighties, who still liked rock concerts!
Cinema is even easier than concerts on your own as there is no interval to fill, and nobody can see you anyway once the lights go down.
I think you need to separate in your head the two activities of “dating” and “going to events I enjoy”. You can do the latter without regretting that they aren’t the former. And if you want to date, pursue the usual channels such as OLD. Good luck!

@RedCandyApple

Honestly as much as people on here Say they go to cinema alone all the time or dinner alone... I wouldn’t, And don’t know anyone who does.

How bizarre that you don't know anyone who does this! I've done it a lot - if there's something I want to see at the cinema, theatre or even a concert, and none of my friends do, I will jolly well do it by myself.

Some weekends when I have been home alone, I have fancied a proper Sunday lunch and gone out on my own. I've even combined the cinema AND eating out - all on my Jack(ie) Jones.

The problem is mindset - seeing it as an admission of failure. It really isn't. Nobody stares or looks and says "look at that Billie No Mates". Nobody cares. Last time I went to the cinema with someone they moaned and whined about the film afterwards and it was mood-lowering.

And I don't need anyone telling me off for buying popcorn, Ben and Jerry's AND a bag of Minstrels and scoffing the lot.

Really don't get this take on it.

And I know others that do, as well!

And the times I have been out to eat - either All By Myself or with someone else - I have lost count of the "couples" not talking, but fiddling about with their phones instead. When I have eaten out alone, I've always got a good book that I sit and read after the meal whilst I have a coffee, or two, or some other drink.

@RedCandyApple

No I don’t think anyone else should feel anything they don’t want to just that I personally would feel self conscious cinema I would feel like people would think I was a loner and had no friends, dinner alone I would feel self conscious that people were thinking I had been stood up.

What if they do? Who gives a flying fig? They don't know you and you don't know them and you're not going to see them again, and you know the truth. What does it matter what a load of strangers think, who aren't thinking it anyway because they are 99.99999% recurring thinking about themselves and their own life?

I wouldn't think that about you if I saw you out by yourself.

Those of you saying you don't know people IRL who do x, y and z alone, how do you even know they don't unless they tell you?

OP, maybe it's just not for you? Although admittedly the first time i went to the cinema alone, years ago, i felt rather self conscious.

Now I go to the cinema every Friday evening post work alone. It is very normal these days for people to go alone especially with the big cinema chains giving people the opportunity to pay a monthly fee and watch however many films you wish. You are sitting in the dark, not talking, watching something after all...

Maybe it's just where i watch films (usually across 3 or 4 Odeon cinemas), but each time I go there are numerous people alone now more than ever. Last week i was in a small screening with about 4 or 5 solo women including myself. Last night, there were again lots of people (men and women) who were again in the cinema solo.

@RedCandyApple

Honestly as much as people on here Say they go to cinema alone all the time or dinner alone... I wouldn’t, And don’t know anyone who does.

I do. The first film I saw by myself was 4 Weddings and a Funeral, so it’s not a recent thing for me.

Happy to explore museums, galleries, go for walks and go to cafes and restaurants alone too.

I love going to the cinema alone. I bring my own snacks, comfy trousers and cinema blanket!

But yes, you have to go off-peak. Watch something you really want to see. Bring nice food and sit away from everyone else. You're not going to strike up a conversation in a cinema. Enjoy doing your own thing.

Odeon does limitless for 12.99 a month. Try that, it's super cheap and you can see whatever films you like. But don't think you're going to make friends, it's more a solo activity. Meetup often has cinema trips; try that if you don't want to go alone x