I went to the cinema myself in the spirit of 'being all I need' but I feel so flat.

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I keep reading advice that says I need to make myself happy and live life to the fullest etc on my own.

I'm really struggling with online dating so I thought maybe this year I would try this, and work up to going on holiday on my own.

I don't know, I thought I would feel empowered and brave. I just still seemed to be the only one sitting alone in amongst all these couples.

I don't really know why I'm posting, but please just don't say meetup or hillwalking groups.

I am actually considering Bumble BFF. I do have friends, but they're all settled down with long term partners and some have babies, so just popping to the cinema is almost impossible.

I used to hate going places by myself . I think it just takes time to feel more comfortable in your own company. I remember thinking that everyone would think I was weird being at the cinema alone . I was so self conscious the whole time . Now I don't give a toss - on the plus side I don't need to share my nachos.

Next time your out and about have a wee look about - there are more people on their own than you realise . We just tend to "blend in " !

Also, as a waitress for many years I served lots of lone diners. I used to always assume they were on some fancy business trip or stopping off before going on some adventure. I never thought anything negative !

I bloody love going to the cinema alone - feels like a massive treat. Also dinner/lunch alone with a book is lovely. And spa/sauna alone. But I've always done these things, partnered or unpartnered. Might just take some practice?

No I don’t think anyone else should feel anything they don’t want to just that I personally would feel self conscious cinema I would feel like people would think I was a loner and had no friends, dinner alone I would feel self conscious that people were thinking I had been stood up.

Honestly do give bumble BFF a go. As with the normal dating bumble you will have a few shit 'dates' and come home deflated. But you will also meet lots of like minded people. It and the friendships made have honestly saved me from feeling very isolated x

I’m having a real shit time of dating but am actually enjoying doing stuff alone now. Yes, there are times where it is really hard but I tell myself nobody really cares. I went to a comedy club alone and met some really fabulous people. They were impressed I was there alone. I go cinemas, concerts, theatre, etc. Yes I get massive pangs seeing people in couples and groups but I don’t want to sit at home and brood. Last weekend, I met the loveliest guy whilst reading my book in a park. We will meet again next week. I don’t think it will lead to anything romantic but I’ll be happy I met a really interesting person. It also showed me that going out and being seen is important. I travel alone, which I love. I don’t feel alone doing so as I meet people. But I think I’ve reached acceptance that I’ll be alone. If I meet someone, great. If not, life has to go on or else it will feel like I’m waiting to die. It’s taken a long time to get to this point but I’m ok with it (mostly; there are times it’s too sad to go out).

I used to go to the cinema alone frequently in my 20s. I haven't been recently but that's only because there isn't any film I want to see at the moment.

I used to go to the cinema during the day on the odd day I had off. Loads of single people there at that time. Loved it, and it's nice and quiet so you can sit all alone.

I haven't been to the cinema for a long time but have been by myself before. There are normally a few people alone and I ask for aisle seat with noone nearby if I can. I also try and see a film I'm looking forward to watch.

It can be hard OP .... I know how you feel. I hope it gets better for you X

It’s a real shame society makes people (probably more women than men, I’m going to guess) feel like being alone means you’re a loser or have no friends. Obviously you shouldn’t do anything you don’t enjoy, I just think it’s sad so many people have internalised this feeling that doing something alone means you’re lacking in something. I’ve been on holiday alone several times, taken myself to lunch, and I used to be a music journalist so I’d often attend gigs and festivals alone to review them - I’d get chatting to lots of people there and usually bumped into people I knew so that was slightly different.

Friends with babies I understand might struggle to find time but I don’t understand why friends with partners but no kids can’t hang out with you? Two of my best friends are in relationships of 5+ years and next week we’re going on holiday together for a week. I’ve only met their partners a small handful of times because they make an effort to see their friends without them. I don’t understand it when people get a partner and thinks that means they can stop bothering with friends.

I love going to the cinema on my own. I go to the silver screen - £2.50 including tea and biscuits. (Before covid.) Also it's cheaper mid week in the afternoon. Sometimes I'd have the whole screen to myself or just one other person. What's not to love?

Hmmm. Possibly the 19.30 Friday night showing was the mistake. I work a very rigid 9-5 though.

It's not that they don't have time to hang out, it's just that nothing is spontaneous any more.

I quite like having breakfast, lunch or coffee by myself, but the novelty of being alone has long gone for me.

I am going to try Bumble BFF though! What photos did you use? More day-to-day ones than the dating side?

I am happy to go to my local independent cinema in the evening but would feel self conscious in the multiplex on a Friday or Saturday night. I've been on a Saturday afternoon though and that was fine - quieter and a mixture of couples, friends and people (like me) who had gone on their own.

I enjoy coffee, lunch, shopping, nature walks and swims alone. The occasional run. Otherwise I prefer my solitary time at home, where I can read, nap, bathe, do yoga and dance like nobody is watching because they aren't. And I prefer my time outside the house with people, I love the cinema, theatre, museums, dinner etc. but not alone. It's ok if cinema is something you like doing for dates, but you enjoy your own company otherwise. It may just have felt a bit pushed because it was. You weren't there for the love of solitude and cinema, but to prove a point to yourself/the dating world/the universe.

I was a bit like this when I stopped drinking I felt I had to prove I still enjoyed alcohol heavy environments like pubs and clubs. But those aren't my happy place anymore, I feel so much more at home walking in the woods or at a yoga class. Likewise, I haven't been dating or in a relationship for a while, and I felt a pressure initially to still enjoy eating out in the evening, dancing and dinner parties and things that I enjoyed with my ex, when actually I'm just so much happier to cook some simple homemade food at home, and use my energy for work, study and fun times with my kids. Our interests change and shift. There are places and times to avoid places eg. Romantic restaurants on Valentine's Day, that doesn't mean your unhappy being single but if you did go you probably would feel that way! And that's totally normal.

That said, if you're not happy being alone so much and being single it might be worth having some counselling or coaching to help you move towards having the relationships you do want. Being lonely is horrible and it happens at various points in our life through no fault of our own, but equally I think most people have some issues that can benefit from greater self knowledge and some outside guidance.

Are you happy in the other areas of your life like your home and work? Taking on a project or hobby can be a great way to build your confidence and self esteem and it won't feel forced if you follow your true interests.

I hope that this lull in your life passes swiftly and that you have a future filled with fabulous friends and a line of eligible bachelors await you.

Yes, I am. I love my job, I have lovely friends, I have done so many things I wanted to ten years ago. It's just that my single 'lull' has been soooooo long, it gets to me.

I think it is to do with timing. I really enjoy going out to breakfast or lunch alone, for example, but would not go out alone on a Friday night if I was not in a great state of mind.

I hear you op. I started doing stuff like that (pre lockdown) as I didnt have anyone to go with. Went to cinema, pubs and theatre myself and I didnt find it empowering. I just felt lonely.
I also twice got a free coffee from the cinema and Im sure it was because I was on my own!

If it makes you feel better, OP, I once went out for dinner on my own in February. I was quite content, with my curry and my newspaper, when it very, very slowly dawned on me that a) it was Valentine's Day and b) I was the only one alone in the room in a sea of couples.

The waiter was clearly so sorry for me that he gave me a little present 😂

Anyway, cinema alone, all good. Maybe not Saturday night but literally everyone I know does it. As a PP said, you can properly immerse yourself in it.

Wow I don't mind going to the cinema alone anyway but getting a free coffee would just top it off! 🤣

Love going to the cinema alone! I’d rarely go with someone else. The day or time wouldn’t even cross my mind.

Don’t let it get you down, OP. Embrace the peace of a dark room with a closed door and some quiet.

I really hoped it would become a nice Friday night habit. I get lonely then, and sometimes I'm just too tired to want to bother with the stress of a date.

Thing is op you're looking round noticing who's in what group and most of them aren't. Left side of you won't know if you're with right group and vice versa.

EXCEPT: don't sit on the aisle end cos then it's obvious and when you sob (at jungle book, not even a sad bit) the guy next to you with the gf gets really uncomfortable 😂

Also horrors alone if you're a screamer... You just need to not look at who's looking at you!

I'm not really that bothered about what other people think of me. It's more that I felt a bit down looking at all of the couples. I do think it would be nice to sit with someone else.

I love solo cinema. (However I probably wouldn’t go on a Friday night.) I also really like going for lunch by myself. Honestly, no-one cares except you - but if you care then that is absolutely fine.