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Original poster

I went to the cinema myself in the spirit of 'being all I need' but I feel so flat.

122 replies

inthevernacular · 28/01/2022 22:48

I keep reading advice that says I need to make myself happy and live life to the fullest etc on my own.

I'm really struggling with online dating so I thought maybe this year I would try this, and work up to going on holiday on my own.

I don't know, I thought I would feel empowered and brave. I just still seemed to be the only one sitting alone in amongst all these couples.

I don't really know why I'm posting, but please just don't say meetup or hillwalking groups.

OP posts:
GameofPhones · 29/01/2022 00:43

"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do."
Eleanor Roosevelt

SleepingStandingUp · 29/01/2022 01:00

You just haven't found your thing op.
What about dinner?

AllGoodPoints · 29/01/2022 01:08

@inthevernacular

I really hoped it would become a nice Friday night habit. I get lonely then, and sometimes I'm just too tired to want to bother with the stress of a date.
It sounds like it could be made into a lovely habit. Could you organise a regular “Friday night cinema club” and invite friends (and they could then invite their friends). A bit like a book club but for people who like movies. I know a lot of people who will go to stuff if someone else organises it, but don’t often take the initiative themselves.
HaveringWavering · 29/01/2022 01:16

@inthevernacular

Well I did want to go, and Friday night suits me... I am at work on Wednesday afternoons!

I felt a bit lonely when I was laughing and I also felt strangely self conscious- there were people on either side so I felt like I was sitting up straight and not encroaching on their space.

Where do you live? I haven’t been in a full cinema since Covid hit. They are usually half deserted.
momls20 · 29/01/2022 01:17

I have a partner and child and I go on holiday alone quite often Grin it is the best thing even just for a few days, I've never felt lonely or bored. You should definitely go for it

AuntTwacky · 29/01/2022 01:19

I love going to the cinema alone and would try a holiday too. You could go in a group and meet new people?

StopStartStop · 29/01/2022 01:20

I haven't been to the cinema alone yet but I've been to concerts and for meals alone etc, and enjoy it. OP, work on your inner self, on noticing your present happiness in every moment. It all gets easier after that.

MrsPsmalls · 29/01/2022 01:25

@RedCandyApple

No I don’t think anyone else should feel anything they don’t want to just that I personally would feel self conscious cinema I would feel like people would think I was a loner and had no friends, dinner alone I would feel self conscious that people were thinking I had been stood up.
This is super sad redcandyapple. How can you let your life be governed by what other people might think of you?
HaveringWavering · 29/01/2022 01:27

Breaking this down- surely you’d only go to the cinema alone, voluntarily putting yourself among people in groups/couples if your main motivation was that you really wanted to see the film and not wait till it was available on TV? Otherwise it’s just a bit masochistic isn’t it? Unless you really love overpriced popcorn?

I was where you are for most of my thirties. I met my husband age 38 after almost 10 years single. I decided to plan to do things that made me happy and find ways to do them without a partner. So I went on a group cycle holiday, because I love cycling.Had a great time (and a fling with the tour leader!). I also love skiing but that didn’t work so well, something about the group that felt a bit off. So it’s hit or miss but the starting point has to be an activity you enjoy. Sport stuff is good for endorphins. I got really fit when I was single and worked up to a half marathon from not being able to run at all. I had loads of time to train and it filled up my weekends and I felt good during and after runs, even when I was pretty down generally about my life. Never tried to make it a group thing.

Good luck!

Musttryharder2021 · 29/01/2022 03:53

"I keep reading advice that says I need to make myself happy and live life to the fullest etc on my own."

@inthevernacular

I eventually ended up doing just that - more extreme as in becoming a single mother by choice via IVF and a sperm donor.

I'd say before this I was an independent person, happy to do things on my own but by my late 30s I was becomings increasingly dissatisfied with my solitude, and I wanted/needed a different kind of 'life' project something meaningful and long-term.

What do you want long-term Op?

SquirrelG · 29/01/2022 04:06

I often go to the cinema, or out for coffee, or lunch, alone - in fact I prefer it. No-one takes the slightest bit of notice.

Pinkbonbon · 29/01/2022 04:48

Not really sure what you were expecting op. It's jot supposed to be an empowering thing doing things on your own. It's just doing something without someone else there. You're not supposed to have some life changing realisation just because you can watch a movie by yourself lol.

BuddhaAtSea · 29/01/2022 05:01

OP, I get it.
Friday nights I used to go to a meditation group, I might actually do that again.
I’m part of a running club and on Friday evenings they have a yoga for running session.
My book club meets once a month on a Friday, in a pub. Found them on meetup.
Friday evenings the gym tends to be quiet, the pool is practically deserted, I love going and doing my thing.
I have friends with smaller children. My pizzas are legendary according to a couple of 7 and 8 year olds 😂, I invite the whole family, make some pizza, the kids go on their screens, we have a beer, they go home quite early.
I love playing cards, I asked everybody: do you like playing cards? till I found two other women who love it as much as me. We meet once a month, wine and nibbles and get really rowdy and competitive and it’s a lot of fun.
I need to find a ping pong partner. They installed a table in my local park, I’d love to do that of an evening once the weather warms up a bit. 😂

BuddhaAtSea · 29/01/2022 05:03

Oh, and thank you to the PP who mentioned Parallel Mothers, I’d love to see that!

HopingForMyRainbowBaby · 29/01/2022 05:44

Me and my exH would often go watch a film by ourselves when we had a cineworld card. We'd choose one to watch together, go grab something to eat then go back and watch a separate one that we wanted to watch but the other one didn't. It would just mean one person might be waiting 20 mins for the other person. I might start going again to watch films on my own. Now going for something to eat on my own. Unless it's McDonald's late at night I just feel like a total twat sat by myself eating and feel like everyone is staring at me

FixItUpChappie · 29/01/2022 06:03

I was without a relationship for a long time in my late 20s and I would go to the theatre
alone - cinema, restaurants, travel....everything. All my friends were paired up. It was a lonely and difficult time but I did learn to appreciate my own company. I must say I never saw anyone out alone but me so I don't know that it's common but single people deserve to enjoy life and public places as much as anyone. I think it takes practice though. It's a skill like any other - give it some time. Pack a great read, download your favourite music, people watch and live your life until you do find that relationship.

SilverDoe · 29/01/2022 06:14

I would definitely go to the cinema on my own and I have done once! My partner and I have very little childcare options so if there is something we really want to see that we can't together then we go alone.

I think you need to not focus on others, if your mindset is that way then anything would feel weird. I would also loooove to go to a restaurant on my own but I haven't yet. I do understand that I come from a different perspective as I have a partner and kids but it really is just mindset. Literally no one else cares either, so there is no need to be self conscious!

SilverDoe · 29/01/2022 06:17

And if it makes you feel better if I did see anyone out for dinner alone I would assume if was either work related I.e. they had travelled to a different area or simply that they were enjoying some one on one time. Same for the cinema especially as its hardly a social activity really!

MimiDaisy11 · 29/01/2022 06:21

When I go with people to the cinema I don’t think I’ve ever taken notice of who is in the cinema with me, unless they’re tall and right in front of me or chatting and annoying me.

It’s only when alone that you find yourself looking around. So don’t worry about others passing judgement. I also think the cinema is good alone as you can’t chat through it anyway. I think that if you’re lonely then just being out in public on your own can just make you feel more lonely.

You should look into group holidays. I went in one in Morocco with a small group and it was fun. There was only one couple. The rest a mix of single people and friends.

SartresSoul · 29/01/2022 08:38

You felt flat because you’re forcing it. Rather than going because ‘you’re all you need’, just go because it’s a fun thing to do. I used to go the cinema alone pretty regularly, regularly enough to have a cineworld membership. I never thought twice about it, just enjoyed the cinema and didn’t care that I was alone. That’s the way you need to look at things really, don’t force it.

Frollop · 29/01/2022 08:59

I think it's sometimes a different feeling/confidence when you go out by yourself and do an activity by yourself and knowing you will return home to a loving partner/family compared to returning home to no partner/family.
I've had some lovely days out with friends who all have partners but when I return home it can often reinforce feelings of loneliness.

EssexLioness · 29/01/2022 09:37

Worth trying again at a quieter time. I do lots of stuff on my own, including holidays, even though I am happily married. But the first time I tried the cinema alone I felt weirdly self conscious and got so anxious that I had to leave after the first 15 mins. So you did much better than me. A few weeks later, I gave myself a talking to and tried again. Ignored the initial discomfort and enjoyed the film. I don’t go that often now but if there is a film I want to see, I won’t hesitate to go alone and I always enjoy it.

ElectraBlue · 29/01/2022 10:15

I don't get people who say they never go to the cinema or have lunch/dinner alone. I am in London and there are always people on their own in these places...nobody thinks twice about it.

After all it is hardly like you are going to have a chat while you are watching the film anyway...

I have also been on holiday trips on my own. I really don't see the problem.

GloriousGoosebumps · 29/01/2022 10:23

I go to the cinema and theatre by myself. The last film I saw was the James Bond movie and there were only 10 of us in the screening and two of us were alone. As previous posters have said, no one cared that I was alone and once the film started everyone was engrossed in the film. I was also lucky to get returned tickets and saw Hamlet and Macbeth by myself but in both cases I was sitting next to someone who was also by themselves so I assume a pair of tickets had been returned for resale. There are an awful lot of people out there who are going to places / doing things by themselves and the sky doesn't fall in and no one in the audience shouts loser!

JollyHostess · 29/01/2022 10:30

@inthevernacular

I am going to try Bumble BFF though! What photos did you use? More day-to-day ones than the dating side?
I used it a few years ago when it was new, for a short while I became part of a nice group of mainly American women who were newly arrived in the UK and looking for friends to see films with, have brunch etc. it was really nice while I was doing it and I imagine you could make some really lovely friends that way.

I've also remembered I briefly joined this group called Thinking Bob which was great fun, lots of events organised of treasure hunts in museums followed by a drink etc. I was a bit older and shyer than everyone else so I only went a few times but it was great fun.