My bf wants to wait to have a baby I'm 42

[Toolateyogi]

Hi Everyone

First time posting on here.i hqve just broken up with my boyfriend of 1 year. We were supposed to move in together in 2 months and he has just decided he thinks its too soon and wants to wait 8 months. There is no negotiating on time due to rental contracts.

When we got together he said he didn't want kids. I fell for him so hard he understood me so well that I thought I could give up having children and that I'm 2 old. He has 2 of his own already that are 5 and 7.

5 months later once I started spending time with his children I realised I couldn't give up on having my own and I was willing to go down the single parent ivf route. He was adamant he didn't want so I broke up with him.

3 weeks later he's changed his mind, wants kids , wants to be with me , so we get back together with a march move in date planned.

Now he wants to delay the move In, thinks its too soon and we are rushing it. Still wants to be with me. Still wants a baby with me.

I feel at 42 I don't have time to waste on this man (who is wonderful and I love him) . He could change his mind in 8 months and say he doesn't want a baby.

I don't want to put all my eggs in his basket . So I broke it off. My parents think he will come crawling back. I don't think so. And I'm not doing this to scare him into coming back but I don't think he thought I would genuinely go through with breaking up with him.

Just wanted to hear on others experiences. Is 42 too late to meet someone else. Am I right to give up on this guy?

It's not immature to resist being pushed into being someone's baby daddy on the basis of a year's relationship - esp when you already have 2 children. He was clear when he started the relationship that he didnt want children, it is not his fault the OP has changed her mind at the age of 42.

Every month that tics by your fertility.gpes down. In your shoes if you really want a child I would start IVF with donor sperm. If he loves you he can come back later. You can't wait whilst he strings you along fully knowing if he makes you wait another year or 18 months your chances would be very low in conceiving. You can get injection to make you more fertile. Even if you can't get pregnant with your own egg you could consider a donor egg and donor sperm. You could still carry the baby and give birth.

This.

If someone tells you they don't want children - they don't want children.

As a childfree person I live in fear of meeting someone I like and them suddenly deciding they want kids after we've been dating a while. Because they didn't have the sense to consider it in the beginning like they were supposed to when I told them my stance.

This guy told op he didn't want more kids. She agree then SHE changed the goal posts. Now he feels pressured into doing what she wants because she hasn't done the right thing and said 'I know you don't want more children and and respect that. But I realised I do so we have to split'.

Neither persons boundaries are where they need to be but my sympathise are with the person who was honest from the beginning.

If you can somehow afford private IVF yourself then go for it @Toolateyogi .

You could try and get IVF on the NHS but at 42, you only have one year or less left as they stop offering it to women at all at 43. At 40-42 you can have one cycle.

He is a time waster.

Find someone else, or consider a donor.

He's also a future faker.

Agree with the advice to get your fertility assessed.

If you really want a child, then a donor is the way to go because your clock is ticking, and frankly it's hard to find a man of similar age who wants to embark on parenthood.

@OldFan

NHS England does not offer free IVF treatment to single women unless under special medical circumstances where medical infertility has been proven rather than "social infertility" ie not having a partner. I believe Wales does offer something to single women but I'm not certain what the treatments are and whether Op would need to prove residency criteria. It would be much cheaper to go abroad.

Have the baby on your own! He is being a twat and stringing you along. He can get ta feck.

It’s really irritating and suspect it’s the “similar threads”‘link at the bottom which takes you to zombie threads most of the time

the OP will have either dumped him and tried for a baby possibly have one or not
or she’s still with him

either way she hasn’t updated

@Anthurium It seems like they have changed/are working on changing that www.theguardian.com/society/2022/jul/20/a-giant-step-charities-welcome-plan-to-widen-access-to-ivf-on-nhs

It will have to be private IVf at over 40 (differs on nhs trusts). And donor eggs are recommended as your chances of miscarriage with your own eggs is high). I'd go it alone as tbh you've not known each other nearly long enough so possibly for the best if you're not tied to him.