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Relationships

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Original poster

Does my PT like me more than friends

94 replies

spinninginmyhead · 22/01/2022 21:13

So I started going to see a PT around a year ago I am male she is female. Over this time we have become firm friends and do things socially sometimes twice a week outside of training. We have a lot in common.

When I first started training she was in a relationship which turned bad and she has not really dated since. She mentioned she was on Hinge the other day and this made me feel really jealous and that is when I thought that I am obviously starting to feel more for her than just friends I am in fact falling for her.

I have always thought that she saw me as a friend and no more, she in my view is way out of my league and most of her ex have been male model material.

However recently she has dropped comments into the conversation like;

I really want to find an emotionally intelligent man and you are the only person who is that.

You have such great qualities, why are you single.

She has commented on my simile and the other day said how good looking I was.

She said my personality is one which is glowing.

She joked that her mum has said she fancied me and when her mum found out we had been out for dinner joked that we should date, she said her response to her mum was dont even go there.

So all this sounds really positive, but she has also said that she does not date clients and thank you for not coming onto me (that was a couple of months ago)

and also she has had major trust issues with men due to a series of really bad experiences.

What do you think, does she like me more than friends? I don;t want to loose an amazing friendship

How would you tell her how I feel about her.

OP posts:

Tailsyflugbun · 22/01/2022 21:16

Just tell her. You must. You will go nuts otherwise. You only live one life. Be brave.

Bringsexyback · 22/01/2022 21:21

It is literally her job to flirt with you so that you sign up and pay her more money don’t make a fool of yourself

Original poster

spinninginmyhead · 22/01/2022 21:22

Thanks for the encouragement @Tailsyflugbun how would you tell her given she has said she does not date clients.

I have dropped hints, like saying she is such an amazing, warm king human being, and you have so many of the personality traits I find attractive and when we went out for a meal the other day, I complimented her more than I usually would in terms of her appearance. Trying to be less than subtle without out right telling her. I just dont want to risk our friendship and also my PT. From that aspect she has changed my life.

OP posts:

Original poster

spinninginmyhead · 22/01/2022 21:23

@Bringsexyback

It is literally her job to flirt with you so that you sign up and pay her more money don’t make a fool of yourself

@Bringsexyback this is not in PT sessions but when we socalise, we probably spend more time with each other out of class than with our other friends.

OP posts:

Tailsyflugbun · 22/01/2022 21:26

You stop being a client. That's the choice.

The comment about PTs flirting for business is insulting.

Bringsexyback · 22/01/2022 21:26

Well of course it’s not during the PT session during a PT session she is working you at working out, Aside of the PT session she is working you to get you to spend money with her. I’m not saying she doesn’t like you, I’m not saying you’re not a good person and don’t have fun together but you do have to realise that it is literally her job as a sales person to get you to spend money with her and the way she is going to do that is by keeping you happy and enjoying her company.

Bringsexyback · 22/01/2022 21:28

But yes I absolutely agree with the other poster stop being her client come work out with another PT and see what happens next

Original poster

spinninginmyhead · 22/01/2022 21:28

@Bringsexyback

@Bringsexyback she probably spends more money on our social activities e.g. meals out, cocktails, theatre trips etc than I spend with her!

OP posts:

TeamBlondie · 22/01/2022 21:35

I would ask her more about why she doesn’t date her clients. Ask her backstory, is it a blanket ban for ethical reasons or has she had a bad experience etc. find out more about her previous relationships, what she’s looking for now, what her type is, does she want you to set her up etc. you can then work out how she’s feeling dependant on her answers.

SmallOrFarAway · 22/01/2022 21:39

I think her response to her mum about 'don't even go there' about dating you might be quite telling. Also her thanking you for not coming on to her. It genuinely sounds really confusing for you, as she sounds very complimentary of you, but it could be she's trying to be a decent friend and building your confidence so you can find a girlfriend? Tbh if I was trying to let a guy know I was open to dating him I don't think I'd ever say those specific things I mentioned above from your post.

Original poster

spinninginmyhead · 22/01/2022 21:40

@TeamBlondie I have been doing that, her past relationships in recent years have been toxic to say the least, she has shared a lot with me on these and they sounded horrendous to say the least. Clients she has had male clients come onto her or confessing their love to her. (this is why I am wary of saying anything).

She says she wants to date an emotionally intelligent older man I tick these boxes, well according to her I am emotionally intelligent and I am 8 years older. Yet the dates she has been on recently are the bad boy model types, the pattern of previous relationships.

She also keeps on saying I am the only male client she sees as she trusts me. Can'y help thinking I am breaching this trust already by falling for her.

OP posts:

Original poster

spinninginmyhead · 22/01/2022 21:43

@SmallOrFarAway

@SmallOrFarAway that is kind of what I think, what do you mean by the don;t even go there comment, I could read that two ways.

It's the fact she jumps at a chance to spend time with me to. She even made up an excuse to come around the other day for coffee for to drop a £5 off which she owed me. (she lives a good 40 mins away)

OP posts:

TeamBlondie · 22/01/2022 21:43

It sounds like she isn’t interested tbh, and is very grateful for your friendship. Unless she explicitly says she likes you or comes onto you, I’d be careful.

Tailsyflugbun · 22/01/2022 21:46

'don't even go there' could mean 'there are ethical issues, mum'. Thanking for not coming on to her could literally be her ... thanking you for not coming onto her (i.e. woman-speak for 'thank you for being a decent human being).
She's a PT so she's probably fit, she probably encounters a lot of testosterone-fuelled men, the work environment contains a much higher level of body awareness and close physical proximity than most other jobs. Men probably flirt with her all the time, so when someone is decent, she feels grateful enough to thank him for it.

Looneytune253 · 22/01/2022 21:46

Please don't try anything!! She's literally told you she won't date clients and she's even thanked you for not making a move.

GentlemanJayFab · 22/01/2022 21:47

Better to have fought and lost than not to have fought at all.

Tell her you are taking a break from training. Give it a few weeks then ask her out.

givemepiece · 22/01/2022 21:48

It sounds like she's enjoying a platonic friendship with a genuinely nice guy, although I understand why you would be confused.

I'd say just carry on being a good friend. But I wouldn't risk making it awkward (yet)
If she's the right one for you there is no rush and look at this as time spent getting to know her really well, it's not wasted time.

Original poster

spinninginmyhead · 22/01/2022 21:48

@TeamBlondie that's kind of my thinking give her a chance to say something if she wants.

The only thing is she has said before she finds it hard to pick up if someone likes her (male of female she is bi) and someone she dated briefly she thought only saw her as a friend but he wanted more and she failed to pick up on it. And it was only when he was drunk and confessed did she admit she had feelings for her too.

OP posts:

Bringsexyback · 22/01/2022 21:53

Youre 8 years older and in a position to influence her income and shes told you she’s grateful you dont hit on her.

Just read that back to yourself.

Original poster

spinninginmyhead · 22/01/2022 21:54

@givemepiece

It sounds like she's enjoying a platonic friendship with a genuinely nice guy, although I understand why you would be confused.

@givemepiece thats the thing. I have spent so much time with her, its getting to the stage that I know her really really well her amazing qualities, but also those less positive aspects of her life she does not hide those from me. Both things now and her past which was eye opening, she was forced into sex work for example.

But overall I have never found someone so king, generous, insightful, thoughtful and all round amazing human.

But at the same time her messaging is confused and I don;t want to loose an amazing friend. Although if she does find another man obviously we would end up spending less time together.

OP posts:

dopple · 22/01/2022 22:00

Don't spend too much on her services because you fancy her, sounds like she does like you as a client/friend but nothing more. The only way you'd know for sure if she's genuine is to give it a break for a bit, try a different instructor for a while, that's not a bad thing anyway to have a new trainer that can introduce a new routine.

Original poster

spinninginmyhead · 22/01/2022 22:04

@dopple, I don;t spend much with her only £140 or so a month and I certainly don't because I am attracted to her. It's because she is a great award winning PT and I have noticed amazing changes in my fitness and body since training with her.

OP posts:

Keepitonthedownlow · 22/01/2022 22:07

She sounds confident I'm sure if she wanted to date you she'd just say. She is blurring the boundaries however so I can see you are in a difficult position. I would suggest stopping the PT then see if she still wants to be in contact. Or tell her you're looking to date and ask if she could set you up with one of her friends. If she likes you she'll not want to do that.

LaChanticleer · 22/01/2022 22:10

She’s just doing her job. Don’t hit on her.

Or - either drop it, or train with someone else and see what develops with her.

But don’t mix the two things up.

givemepiece · 22/01/2022 22:11

tell her you're looking to date and ask if she could set you up with one of her friends. If she likes you she'll not want to do that.

Ooh yes that's a good idea

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