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Relationships

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Original poster

Does my PT like me more than friends

94 replies

spinninginmyhead · 22/01/2022 21:13

So I started going to see a PT around a year ago I am male she is female. Over this time we have become firm friends and do things socially sometimes twice a week outside of training. We have a lot in common.

When I first started training she was in a relationship which turned bad and she has not really dated since. She mentioned she was on Hinge the other day and this made me feel really jealous and that is when I thought that I am obviously starting to feel more for her than just friends I am in fact falling for her.

I have always thought that she saw me as a friend and no more, she in my view is way out of my league and most of her ex have been male model material.

However recently she has dropped comments into the conversation like;

I really want to find an emotionally intelligent man and you are the only person who is that.

You have such great qualities, why are you single.

She has commented on my simile and the other day said how good looking I was.

She said my personality is one which is glowing.

She joked that her mum has said she fancied me and when her mum found out we had been out for dinner joked that we should date, she said her response to her mum was dont even go there.

So all this sounds really positive, but she has also said that she does not date clients and thank you for not coming onto me (that was a couple of months ago)

and also she has had major trust issues with men due to a series of really bad experiences.

What do you think, does she like me more than friends? I don;t want to loose an amazing friendship

How would you tell her how I feel about her.

OP posts:

Rewis · 22/01/2022 22:16

How set are you being her client? Could you say to her that you like her more than just as a friend and while you enjoy your sessions and friendship, you are willing to change trainers if thia confession has an effect on your relationship since you don't want her to feel awkward.

I think flat our honesty is better. I'm not convinced with her professionalism to be honest but I think this weird back and forth fliring/not flirting will become weirder for both of you than flat out saying it outloud.

TinaYouFatLard · 22/01/2022 22:17

Whether she likes you or not I think you should probably stop training with her. It feels a bit icky that you fancy her this much and are doing the PT sessions without her knowing this.

I had a male PT and it sometimes was very physically close when we were working out. I wouldn’t have liked it if he was secretly lusting after me (he definitely wasn’t!)

Original poster

spinninginmyhead · 22/01/2022 22:40

@givemepiece

tell her you're looking to date and ask if she could set you up with one of her friends. If she likes you she'll not want to do that.

Ooh yes that's a good idea

Now that could be interesting although I have told her about my dating in the past, but this was pre us hanging out and me developing feelings for her.

OP posts:

hivemindneeded · 22/01/2022 22:45

Theatre trips and dinners out? Sounds like you are already dating!

Next time she says something like 'I need someone emotionally intelligent like you' or 'why are you single' say, 'Yeah, it's such a shame you can't date clients!'

If you know she's really interested, I'd find a friend who needs to get fit and encourage them to sign up with her so she isn't losing income, then move to a new trainer and ask her out. But don;t stop training and undo all the good work.

WonderfulYou · 22/01/2022 22:47

It does sound like she likes you but whether that’s as a really good friend or more I’m not sure.
She cannot risk her job by getting into a relationship with you - if it gets round she has sex with clients she’d get a very bad reputation.

I think the only thing you can do is be honest.
Tell her that you are falling for her and you’re not sure it’s wise that you carry on being her client as you don’t want to cross a line.

Thirtytimesround · 22/01/2022 23:10

She’s sending you very mixed messages and isn’t sure what she wants. By meeting you for drinks and theatre etc she’s moved this from a professional relationship to a social one, that is confusing.

You can’t just ask her out because if she’s just flirting as part of her job (and this is VERY common in PT), then that’s a bit yuck plus would ruin the training relationship.

You could quit and then, after quitting, ask her out - but I can see why you wouldn’t want to do that. That is what I would do however. It keeps everything nice and simple, no one feels awkward or pressured, and it’s the most ethical solution. If she asks why you’re quitting you say “I’m starting to have feelings for you and I know you don’t date clients, so…”

Assuming you don’t want to quit, I think you have to wait until the next time she says she’d love to date a guy just like you and then say something like “well I know you don’t date clients but if you ever change your mind you know where I am!”

LaChanticleer · 22/01/2022 23:33

I had a male PT and it sometimes was very physically close when we were working out. I wouldn’t have liked it if he was secretly lusting after me (he definitely wasn’t!)

Yes, this. My male PT is very respectful without being coy IYSWIM. Totally professional if he needs to touch me but it’s always entirely functional (pushing me the last bit of a pull up for example).

TopCatsTopHat · 22/01/2022 23:45

@givemepiece

tell her you're looking to date and ask if she could set you up with one of her friends. If she likes you she'll not want to do that.

Ooh yes that's a good idea

I think if you like her asking to date her friends just to get a clue how that makes her feel is a terrible idea, you couldn't come back from that, in that if you then try to turn your attention to her it will look shallow - like she could be anyone when actually it's only her you're interested in!!

Respect her pleasure that you haven't tried to come onto her by not trying to get flirty or drop subtle hints. But if you feel she is a real prospect for a serious relationship have a proper chat where you tell her that you respect her professional boundaries but find that your feelings have become stronger the more you get to know her and now it is at the point where you would like to know if she would consider dating you even though you realise that this likely means you're pt relationship will have to end.

Anything eke is just an woodside of an awful soap where all the drama is derived from people just failing to be open and honest with each other and everything getting tangled in stupid avoidable knots.

Just risk the rejection and tell her how you feel without getting weird and flirty on her when she's working.

blyn72 · 22/01/2022 23:49

@LaChanticleer

I had a male PT and it sometimes was very physically close when we were working out. I wouldn’t have liked it if he was secretly lusting after me (he definitely wasn’t!)

What is a PT? Is it a physical trainer or something to do with being fit?

If she is, she sounds quite unprofessional.

Other than that, there is nothing wrong with an eight year age gap between consenting adults.

Original poster

spinninginmyhead · 23/01/2022 04:36

Thanks for all the advice. I think I am going to tell her because if I don't I could let someone special go. She is dating again and is keen to see a couple of those again so it might be a case of acting before it's too late.

I was thinking about saying something along the lines of you know when your mum teased you about us going out for dinner and you said don't even go there mum. What did you mean by this.. . My thinking it gives her an opportunity to say well it's because I know you only see me as a friend , thus opening a door to possibly say something, she gets the hint and it gives her a safe space to say how she feels, she says because I see you as a friend ... If it's the latter we can Both move on and hopefully it's not damaged our friendship which I think telling her my feelings out right would if it was not resiprocated , almost in a jokey way about her Mum. Would this give her a safe space to open up if she did feel something for me

OP posts:

kingcharlesbaby · 23/01/2022 04:52

You only live once, you enjoy each others company, what do you have to lose?

The chance of a lifetime!

Someone that you are attracted to, who enjoys your company, could be the love of your life! You’ll never know if you don’t try. What is the worst that could happen? She could be waiting for you to make a move, as you spend so much time together there is already a great bond.

Go for it! Tell her how you feel! I think she feels the same about you!

Original poster

spinninginmyhead · 23/01/2022 05:00

@kingcharlesbaby thanks. Would you do it in the way I said above. Kind of gives her a safe space

OP posts:

kingcharlesbaby · 23/01/2022 05:10

Why not? If that’s how you feel most comfortable, because if she is dating and looking for a partner you could lose your opportunity couldn’t you!

Of just be straight, tell her that your feelings have grown for her, it could be what she has been waiting to hear!

lothermand · 23/01/2022 05:18

A lot of women like a male friend, one we can talk to and get a male perspective of relationships, there's nothing so attractive as an EI man. However, that doesn't necessarily mean 'attraction' in a romantic sense, so I'd tread carefully if you want to train/stay friends.

There are definitely mixed messages from her, I can't quite work them out. As I say, if you can broach the subject without losing what you have then go for it. Good luck

cookiemonster2468 · 23/01/2022 05:22

If you are going to tell her how you feel you should probably stop being her client.

Original poster

spinninginmyhead · 23/01/2022 07:29

Thanks@lothermand in my head I've always seen myself in that good male friend role but the amount of time we have spent together recently has made me see her in a different way. And some of those comments I mentioned just make me think. Agree so many confusing signals. Thus why I am thinking of going down the route I mentioned a couple of replies up

OP posts:

lothermand · 23/01/2022 08:09

Please update us OP, you sound like a really nice bloke, very considerate of her feelings, don't be taken for granted though..

AbsoluteMeringue · 23/01/2022 08:25

I can't help thinking that she sounds very confused. You mention a lot later in your posts that she's bi-sexual and that she has been forced into sex work. These don't make the situation straightforward, she's probably enjoying her platonic relationship with you and values this.
I do think that with all the time you've spent together something physical would have happened by now, or that she would have given you an indication that she was interested in taking things further.
You sound very respectful and decent.
Good luck whatever happens.

Original poster

spinninginmyhead · 23/01/2022 08:25

@lothermand thank you for those kind words about me. I will keep you updated, we are both planning to go to the same yoga class today so if the moment if right I might say something.

I know she went on a date with someone yesterday which seemed to go well, so it could be now or never, good point about being taken for granted.

OP posts:

Original poster

spinninginmyhead · 23/01/2022 08:25

and yes will update

OP posts:

Loopytiles · 23/01/2022 08:27

She’s been v unprofessional already, without dating you. Would find a new PT.

Loopytiles · 23/01/2022 08:28

Then see what happens as regards the personal relationship.

Fairylightsongs · 23/01/2022 08:36

Gosh some of these comments are really disturbing, she’s a pt not a mental health therapist, she can socialise and be friends with clients outside work, and she doesn’t flirt for work, what a terrible thought that personal trainers need to come on to their clients as part of their jobs. It’s not.

Bringsexyback · 23/01/2022 08:47

@Fairylightsongs
You’re absolutely right she probably isn’t even flirting no doubt she’s probably just being a friendly happy positive personal trainer. And that’s got somebody all excited thinking she’s flirting

TopCatsTopHat · 23/01/2022 08:51

Your plan sounds like a good one op. The signals are definitely mixed so don't get your hopes up yet. But if you keep things very low key and respectful you should be able to avoid sabotaging what you currently have even if things don't go further. That said, if you're falling for her it may become very difficult for you to continue the platonic relationship. I had a lovely male friend once and he fell in love, I didn't feel that way about him at all (we were both pretty young and I'm sure now with hindsight he'd agree we weren't for each other) and in the end he had to leave my life completely as he couldn't handle the feelings being unrequited. It was super sad for us both. Feelings aren't tidy though are they. You both sound great so worth risking it, nothing ventured nothing gained and all that.

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