Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Does my PT like me more than friends

94 replies

spinninginmyhead · 22/01/2022 21:13

So I started going to see a PT around a year ago I am male she is female. Over this time we have become firm friends and do things socially sometimes twice a week outside of training. We have a lot in common.

When I first started training she was in a relationship which turned bad and she has not really dated since. She mentioned she was on Hinge the other day and this made me feel really jealous and that is when I thought that I am obviously starting to feel more for her than just friends I am in fact falling for her.

I have always thought that she saw me as a friend and no more, she in my view is way out of my league and most of her ex have been male model material.

However recently she has dropped comments into the conversation like;

I really want to find an emotionally intelligent man and you are the only person who is that.

You have such great qualities, why are you single.

She has commented on my simile and the other day said how good looking I was.

She said my personality is one which is glowing.

She joked that her mum has said she fancied me and when her mum found out we had been out for dinner joked that we should date, she said her response to her mum was dont even go there.

So all this sounds really positive, but she has also said that she does not date clients and thank you for not coming onto me (that was a couple of months ago)

and also she has had major trust issues with men due to a series of really bad experiences.

What do you think, does she like me more than friends? I don;t want to loose an amazing friendship

How would you tell her how I feel about her.

OP posts:
Fairylightsongs · 23/01/2022 08:51

@Bringsexyback, she’s more than a personal trainer, they socialise outside work and are friends. The fact she’s also his personal trainer is not relevant.

Bringsexyback · 23/01/2022 08:53

The trouble is it’s her that suffers though if this goes pair shaped, if she gets seen to be dating her clients people will talk about her in the gym and if she doesn’t want to date him it gets very awkward and she potentially loses a client so personally I don’t understand why a nice guy would do that to her.

ZenNudist · 23/01/2022 08:59

I would have thought that if you have any chemistry then it would have been obvious by now. Tread carefully. Start off by saying how much you value the friendship Nd don't want to jeopardise it. Make it clear that you aren't looking to make any move that would make her uncomfortable and that you have only been considering exploring what a relationship with her would look like but happy to stay friends if that's all she wants.

I don't think you'd usually just stay friends with a single older man.

ANameChangeAgain · 23/01/2022 09:03

I agree with the pp who said that you only live once. If she is the one then you need to give it a chance, sometimes platonic friendships develop into love. You can take the chance without it being sleezy, just tell her that you are starting to develop feelings and ask her how she would feel about your next night out being a date. Tell her its fine if she doesn't feel the same, and that you don't want to make it awkward, you still value her friendship and PT role. Don't do it by text, do it face to face, and don't do it in a jokey way, there is too much room for misunderstanding.

Original poster
spinninginmyhead · 23/01/2022 09:48

@Bringsexyback

The trouble is it’s her that suffers though if this goes pair shaped, if she gets seen to be dating her clients people will talk about her in the gym and if she doesn’t want to date him it gets very awkward and she potentially loses a client so personally I don’t understand why a nice guy would do that to her.
She is not a gym based PT, she trains people in her home studio gym (she has an out building with a full functioning gym)
OP posts:
SNUG2022 · 23/01/2022 10:02

Hmmmm. I'm not sure about this. I think you are her friend and her comfort blanket. She's probably tried to talk herself into bring with you as she recognises that you're the type of man she should be with, and she's tried, but she doesn't actually fancy you. Any moves would have to come from her. It would ruin the whole dynamic if you made a move. Most women are aware that men find them attractive, so I would hold off with making further comments as it could start to be a bit icky. Happy to be proved wrong though 🙂

RoseSays · 23/01/2022 10:13

I haven't read the whole thread so maybe this has already been said - but most of the time when a woman fancies a man they don't give gushing compliments. If she's treating you during your 'dates' she's unlikely to be interested.
You're a 'nice' guy (and massively importantly her client) and I really doubt she see you like that - you are in the friend zone which is why she's happy to hang out with you and isn't interested in a romantic relationship with you. Sorry.

Tullig · 23/01/2022 10:17

Research indicates that men consistently overestimate women’s sexual interest in them.

She’s told you repeatedly she doesn’t date clients, she’s said her mother fancies you, she’s thanked you for not making a pass at her, she’s paid you a lot of friendzone compliments about you ‘glowing’ personality and emotional intelligence.

I’d take her at her word.

Original poster
spinninginmyhead · 23/01/2022 10:26

@RoseSays

I haven't read the whole thread so maybe this has already been said - but most of the time when a woman fancies a man they don't give gushing compliments. If she's treating you during your 'dates' she's unlikely to be interested. You're a 'nice' guy (and massively importantly her client) and I really doubt she see you like that - you are in the friend zone which is why she's happy to hang out with you and isn't interested in a romantic relationship with you. Sorry.
That's the thing I have always found it hard to pick up when someone likes me more than friends. What signals would you be showing
OP posts:
FlasherMcGruff · 23/01/2022 10:27

I am rooting for you here! You seem really lovely. I think I’d continue to take baby steps with it until she makes her feelings for you even clearer (simply because you don’t want to misjudge it and make it awkward with her as a friend). To me, she seems interested in you romantically as she consciously seeks you out to sorbs time with and has told you she finds you physically attractive as well as your personality being one she likes. The things she said about not dating clients / thanks for not coming onto her etc are from a while back so obviously her mind could change. That said, she could still have this mindset and I think you need a clearer signal from her.

Could you see how she reacts to you talking about potentially dating other people / get her to check a profile you make for Hinge etc?

Also, does she ever touch your hands / look deeply at you when you talk etc etc? Seem in no rush to go home but rather make the time last longer? The kinds of things you see keen couples do on dates? Or do your times together feel more like friends?

FlasherMcGruff · 23/01/2022 10:28

*spend not sorbs (!)

Caaarrrl · 23/01/2022 10:41

It's all very confusing. I think just be honest and discuss it with her. If she's not interested and she genuinely feels grateful that didn't come on to her, then I feel that it would be really dishonest and disrespectful to be lusting after her every time she touches you, not realising the effect she has on you.

Original poster
spinninginmyhead · 23/01/2022 10:44

@FlasherMcGruff it's such a tough one especially given she is actively dating and recently had a good date.

Yes, when we socialise there are the odd touches. I cooked for her over Christmas and when I was cooking something on the hob she gave me a brief back rub, and randomly came up as I was putting stuff in the dishwasher and gave me a hug to say thank you. I should caviat that she is a very tactical person.

Then things like the other day she turned up at mine to pick something up and bought me a small random gift. It was only meant to be s brief drop off but we chatted for a good couple of hours.

Then dinner the other night was so much fun.

She does know I am on Hinge and she showed me her Hinge and bumble profiles

It was the session after that meal she has really started to comment more about my looks as well as my personality.

But it was the teasing comments her Mum made about our meal only being friends clearly trying to stir things and she said to her don't Go there.

OP posts:
Butterfly44 · 23/01/2022 10:53

I would test the waters in a joking way....like if you saw my profile on hinge would you click on it? Or what would you be like if we were dating? Or If I had a copy out there would you date him? You kind of want an answer without ruining your current friendship....as once you ask direct it won't be the same I'm afraid. It'll feel very awkward.

SGBK4682 · 23/01/2022 11:07

'But it was the teasing comments her Mum made about our meal only being friends clearly trying to stir things and she said to her don't Go there.'

But that could be because she feels she has given OP loads of hints and he hasn't picked up on them, so it's embarrassing for her mum to say this.

However I don't think it's clear cut either way. TBH if she really fancies you OP she could have made it clearer. If she feels it's all totally platonic, she won't have been looking for any signs as to how you feel and could be totally shocked by the idea, especially seeing as how she has obviously been very open with you. That makes you sound more like just a friend she trusts.

I don't know what the best move is, but I would say most women would make their intentions clear if they wanted to date a man.

Butterfly44 · 23/01/2022 11:19

I also think that she wouldn't be dating and having 'good dates' telling you about them if she had those feelings for you. So you need to protect yourself for rejection...hence asking in a non subtle way is best. If you told her you couldn't come out one eve as you had a date what would her reaction be - if she's happy and wanting to know more/give advice then that says she's just friends

Ikeameatballs · 23/01/2022 12:18

There’s a lot of angst in this thread about the rights and wrongs of both OP and the PT’s behaviour when in reality these are two grown adults.

@FlasherMcGruff what’s the worst that could happen either way?

Do nothing, she continues dating, finds someone else and is happy. Meanwhile you continue with her as a PT but never know if a romantic relationship would have been on the cards. You might even feel that you can’t continue with her as your PT. you might move on and find someone else.

You say something, cards on table. She either says no and you stay as friends/PT and client or you lose at least one element of that relationship. You feel rejected, she may feel ick. You both continue to date and find other people.

You say something, cards on table, it all works out, happily ever after.

No one dies, no one is deliberately hurting someone’s feelings.

Do whatever you want. It won’t be the end of the world.

HaggisBurger · 23/01/2022 12:25

Hmmmm. This is a tricky one. I think it’s ok to say “so this blanket ban on dating clients - is it an absolute one, or are there ever executions” …

LondonWolf · 23/01/2022 12:32

I think you're firmly in the friend zone and she probably loves having a male friend she can completely trust not to make a move on her and is an easy to be around client, so DON'T. I think you'll make it really awkward if you do. If she was in the same place as you something would have happened naturally by now because you would have both been aware of mutual attraction and gone for it. You just know. Well I always did.

Tullig · 23/01/2022 12:48

You’re over-interpreting a few casual touches and friendly, platonic comments, and minimising the fact that’s (1) she’s dating other people and telling you when dates go well, (2) that’s she’s said very clearly she doesn’t date clients, and (3) explicitly thanked you for not coming on to her.

I think she’s made her position very clear.

Keepitonthedownlow · 23/01/2022 13:07

Asking for clarification on what her mother said is a good angle. Her response should tell you all you need to know.

Incidentally why are you cooking dinner for your PT? Is that not like me having my chiropractor round for sushi???

HaggisBurger · 23/01/2022 13:18

*exceptions not executions 🤪

Tullig · 23/01/2022 13:24

@Keepitonthedownlow

Asking for clarification on what her mother said is a good angle. Her response should tell you all you need to know.

Incidentally why are you cooking dinner for your PT? Is that not like me having my chiropractor round for sushi???

I made pasta for my architect last week.Grin

But he’s here so much he’s nearly moved in.

Original poster
spinninginmyhead · 23/01/2022 14:11

@HaggisBurger

*exceptions not executions 🤪
😂🤣
OP posts:
AnotherSillawithanS · 23/01/2022 14:24

Tell her how you feel.