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Original poster

Has anyone started divorce proceedings and then thought

87 replies

TLV · 27/12/2007 20:45

hang on I want to make another go out of it, I'm feeling really jaded at the moment and want to here some fairytale happy endings (hands on ears incase some cynical ones try to tell me otherwise ) in need of cheering up

OP posts:
karen999 · 27/12/2007 20:47

Have you tried counselling etc? If you think this then maybe all is not lost....??

MamaG · 27/12/2007 20:48

unless you've got Decree Absolute, you can stop divorce proceedings at ny time. Why not give it another go?

Original poster
TLV · 27/12/2007 20:54

its my dh who is divorcing me unfortunately and we are a little way off from the decree absolute but he seems unwilling to try again

OP posts:
Dior · 28/12/2007 13:57

Message withdrawn

HappyWoman · 28/12/2007 14:05

I too saw a solicitor and he was fantastic and actually told me to slow down which i am now so grateful for. You can still slow down the divorce as you have to agree to what he is divorcing you for - unless he has very good grounds which will hold up in court.

Good luck - there is always hope and as long as you are doing it for the right reasons it can still work out for you but it is very hard work and i would also suggest a counsellor (sp?).

Good luck with it all.

Original poster
TLV · 29/12/2007 18:50

ok so he will go back to relate in early Jan, but he still wants a divorce, does this mean that there is another woman involved if he is so unwilling to give it another go and basis the break up on arguments and stupid little things that I have done, how do I slow down the divorce??

OP posts:
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 29/12/2007 18:53

Ask him.

He may for all you know what to stop it too but be worried about losing face.

You have to try, you will always wonder otherwise.

Good luck.

oxocube · 29/12/2007 18:54

My brother and his wife did this. He started divorce proceedings after quite a few problems in their marriage and it got to the decree nisi (?) stage and then, after about a year, they got back together. Having worked though their issues, they recently had a beautiful baby girl and have never been happier,so it can be done.

Original poster
TLV · 29/12/2007 18:55

I have asked him numerous times including today and he totally refutes it

OP posts:
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 29/12/2007 19:03

Do you have grounds for suspicion?

Original poster
TLV · 29/12/2007 19:10

we've slept together since he has left and he now uses condoms which he never did (not really a reason) he was in touch with another woman which I found out about from his mobile bill, she lives at the other end of the country and is married with kids, I called her she denied anything was going on, he says they've not been in contact since i called her but hey how am I too know

OP posts:
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 29/12/2007 19:18

Is he using condoms as he doesn't want another baby?

Original poster
TLV · 29/12/2007 19:20

well i think that could be the answer, but why when i asked him again about him seeing someone else did he go off it?? if it were me I would be quite calm and say no i have told you before that there is no one else instead of shouting at me in the middle of the street

OP posts:
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 29/12/2007 19:22

I don't know what to say really. Are you still living together? What were his reason for wanting a divorce?

Original poster
TLV · 29/12/2007 19:29

No he left 2.5months ago, saying he had had enough of arguing and has refused any attempt of reconcilliation and bearing in mind I have offered every avenue ie relate to make things work. he said i never wanted to go out, nagged, didn't respect his job and it goes on really

OP posts:
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 29/12/2007 19:30

Take it from another angle. Why do you want him back?

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 29/12/2007 19:31

BTW Hubby and I thought we were all over about 4 years ago and we are solid now. Both have to want it though.

chocolatemummy · 29/12/2007 19:33

not been in this situation (as yet) but really feel for you, it must be very difficult. AND its the time of year when important feelings and people come to a head isn't it

Original poster
TLV · 29/12/2007 19:33

because I still love him and I want the good times back and know that it could work.

Can I asked what happened with you and your dh if its not prying

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 29/12/2007 19:37

I've never been divorced so feel free to ignore me, sounds to me like you need to back off, act like you don't care, get some new clothes a haircut even tell him you don't want to be in limbo and are ready to move on with your life and that you will be friendly but sleeping together isn't on try your best to get on with it, enjoy being single go out and have fun act like you know he will be back soon with his tail between his legs begging for you back because you are super sexy, confident and are too busy to meet his every need and whim.

It's win win you enjoy yourself he has a chance for some space and to think "shit she's really moving on" this is from what i've seen the point when he will be begging you to take him back, realising what a fool he's been etc etc then you can calmly say ok we'll give it one last try but we need to do x, y, z first.

Regardless of getting back together the counselling will be helpful (maybe mnot to start but after you have got the painful stuff out in the open you can start to move on and start the healing process) even when it seems pointless keep going ime.

Just an idea good luck!

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 29/12/2007 19:38

Admirable reasons for wanting to make it work but you really can't do it on your own. Maybe let him go for a while, get on with your life - he may realise what he is missing.

With me and hubby I couldn't stop thinking about my first love and was convinced I still loved him and didn't know if I loved DH. One day he told me he had been thinking how he would have to see a solicitor and I grew up. Fast. I had seen him in tears but this was a kick up the backside and made me stop living in the past and get on with my marriage to the best hubby in the world.

chocolatemummy · 29/12/2007 19:38

sometimes people seem to want to get the legal stuff done so quickly? my friend is going through this at the moment. They only split 6 weeks ago and he has divorce papers already! it sems so quick to do something so final after 15 years of marriage and two kids

OverMyDeadBody · 29/12/2007 19:45

TLV (you might want to put your hands over your ears now!), but maybe he is really not happy in the relationship and doesn't have the same feelings for you that you have for him, if you love him then maybe the kindest thing to do for him is to let him go? Wouldn't that be the kindest thing to do?

Original poster
TLV · 29/12/2007 19:45

so how do I go about stalling the divorce because I'm certainly going to give him his space and not contact him anymore but I need to buy myself some time for him to realise what he is losing (if there is definitely no one else involved) when i went to the first session of relate I told the woman and she was fab that I wanted some to ask the right questions ie why we fell in love etc and to make us go away and think about things, not agree with him in one session and then offer me a session to move on so to speak!

OP posts:
smartiejake · 29/12/2007 19:47

A friend of mine got back with her dh the day after the decree absolute came through! Got remarried a year later and now blissfully happy.
Not sure I would have forgiven his 9 one night stands and affair whilst she was pg with her second child!