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Original poster

3rd date, still no kiss?!

76 replies

AbNormalPeeps · 19/01/2022 14:27

Went on a 3rd date with a really nice guy. The nicest (and hottest) I've met in ages. I was sure the first kiss would happen on date 3 especially as we'd been out for a few drinks so Dutch courage and all that.

He gave me a hug goodbye but that's it. We haven't held hands, he hasn't touched my arm/back/leg nothing. He text me when I got home to say he'd had fun and to let him know if I fancied a 4th date.

Now I know the usual mumsnet response is I could initiate things, but i really struggle with confidence in that sense (but not with initiating dates etc). I'm wondering if there's any point having a 4th to be honest and whether he's into me at all?! My friend said he may just not be sure if I like him but the fact I keep turning up on dates should be a clue?!

He's a nice guy so I don't want to be a dick about it but I don't feel any connection is building like it normally would when you've kissed. We're just 2 strangers hanging out still.

What would you do?!

OP posts:
Original poster
AbNormalPeeps · 19/01/2022 14:30

Should add, he's an experienced dater!

OP posts:
Tailsyflugbun · 19/01/2022 14:33

Sounds a bit odd. When you're attracted to someone you'd want to kiss them, surely? Or is it an ego thing with him? He's waiting for you to make the first move? Or is he being a gentleman? What's the dynamic between you two?

TheFoundation · 19/01/2022 15:07

If you don't have the confidence to initiate, you need to be with someone who does, don't you?

I'd generally assume, to be honest, that if you're feeling the need to post on a forum about a relationship before you've even kissed, it's not the relationship for you. Communication needs to be clear and understandable for both of you, and not offering you unanswered questions. That's a basic relationship standard, so if he's not ticking that box from the word go, it doesn't look good compatibility wise.

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 19/01/2022 15:11

Seeing as he's so nice and hot (those things don't always come as a combo!) I'd give it a 4th date and if it's still a damp squib you can call it a day then. I know you've said you're nervous about initiating something but can you touch his arm when you're talking to him , make sure your hand brushes his. That kind of thing. Just to subtly let him know you're interested in some physical contact.

And there's always the failsafe Just 17 tip: look at his lips when he's speaking to you.

Bookworm20 · 19/01/2022 15:19

Perhaps he really likes you and doesn't want to seem like he's coming on too strong. He may sense you are a little shy, as you mentioned you are not confident to go in first for it, and doesn't want to scare you off. He may be respecting your boundaries until you give him a sign of some sort.
I'd go for a 4th date. The fact he messaged straight away when home and asked you out again would suggest he does actually like you. And yes, touch his arm or something to indicate you are fine with physical touch and see if he reciprocates.

I think its quite refreshing when men don't leap in at the first opportunity. Perhaps you've struck gold OP and he really is a nice guy.

SpatulaSpoon · 19/01/2022 15:54

My DH didn't kiss me or hold hands so on third date i joked to him he'd be being put in the friend zone if he didn't initiate a kiss soon 😂
Worked as later on that date he finally kissed me lol!
I'd bring it up in a light hearted way on your next date!

Ancientdreams · 19/01/2022 15:57

I’d give it a fourth date too.

supercali77 · 19/01/2022 16:28

Id recommend a slightly flirty text before your next date. Nothing off the charts but something that let's you see what his response is like and let's him know where you stand?

D0lphine · 19/01/2022 17:23

@TheFoundation

If you don't have the confidence to initiate, you need to be with someone who does, don't you?

I'd generally assume, to be honest, that if you're feeling the need to post on a forum about a relationship before you've even kissed, it's not the relationship for you. Communication needs to be clear and understandable for both of you, and not offering you unanswered questions. That's a basic relationship standard, so if he's not ticking that box from the word go, it doesn't look good compatibility wise.

The Foundation repeatedly says on multiple threads that if you need to post about a relationship on a forum it's unlikely to be right.

The question here is if you don't think people should discuss relationships on a relationship forum then why are you commenting?

Sometimes posters don't have people to discuss these issues in real life or they don't feel like they can for whatever reason.

Some people need reassurance. Sometimes posting on a forum enables you to express and feel out your own thoughts about the subject.

OP - he could be old fashioned he could be gay. Do you like him? I'd carry on seeing him but carry on seeing others too!

Cas112 · 19/01/2022 17:26

Maybe he doesn't have the confidence to initiate either

UsernameNotAvailableHmm · 19/01/2022 17:34

Maybe he has learned from previous dating experiences that it's better to wait, and it can be all the better for waiting. I wouldn't give up on him just yet. Go for that 4th date, and enjoy.

Genevie82 · 19/01/2022 17:39

… I think go on a 4th date but I suspect this is the type of relationship that in time you will look back on and realise the chemistry wasn’t quite right from the start.. more safe and friendship based xx

HappenstanceMarmite · 19/01/2022 17:40

The Foundation repeatedly says on multiple threads that if you need to post about a relationship on a forum it's unlikely to be right.

What? “The Foundation”? WTF?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 19/01/2022 17:43

@HappenstanceMarmite

The Foundation repeatedly says on multiple threads that if you need to post about a relationship on a forum it's unlikely to be right.

What? “The Foundation”? WTF?

There's a poster called TheFoundation, that's who a PP was referring to.
D0lphine · 19/01/2022 17:47

@HappenstanceMarmite

The Foundation repeatedly says on multiple threads that if you need to post about a relationship on a forum it's unlikely to be right.

What? “The Foundation”? WTF?

I quoted The Foundations post!
Dumbledoresgirl · 19/01/2022 17:56

I'd go on the 4th date and make the move to kiss him myself. I know you said you find it hard initiating stuff but until you do you are constantly waiting for him. The moment you initiate a kiss you will know from his reaction whether you have the chemistry to go for a 5th date.

sassbott · 19/01/2022 18:00

He’s an experienced dater and by date three there’s been no kissing or physical touches? IME I think that means the chemistry is off.

I’d call him and just ask outright if he fancies you/ sees it going anywhere if you don’t want to give a 4th date a shot. Or go on the 4th date and ask him then.

There are people who will date/ use up peoples time to fill time because it’s nice enough company. Until someone they fancy comes along.

Unless you ask him, you’ll never know.

bravegirl3 · 19/01/2022 18:04

I was in this position once, it completely baffled me. We had like a 'peck' on the first date but that was it....for the next 5 dates. However he would then message and say he couldn't wait to see me again.

It turned into a short relationship but I could never work him out and it just became too much effort. We had sex once but even that didn't seem right as he was so unaffectionate.

I'd give it another date, see how it goes. If you are still ending up questioning things then it's maybe not worth it

TheFoundation · 19/01/2022 18:08

@D0lphine

Read what I said.

if you're feeling the need to post on a forum about a relationship before you've even kissed

That's not the same as saying that people shouldn't discuss relationships on a relationship forum.

Ancientdreams · 19/01/2022 18:11

If he’s an ‘experienced dater,’ is he going out with lots of women but none of them are developing into relationships? I’d be a bit wary if that’s the case.

AdventureCode · 19/01/2022 18:21

A bit random but could he have a coldsore that he doesn't want to potentially pass on?

heartbroken40 · 19/01/2022 18:26

I'm dating the most amazing guy and we only kissed at date 5. He said he wanted to wait, also due to covid (I travel abroad for work and he was worried I could get infected) and that he really wanted me to know what we had was way more than sex. He's hot, accomplished, super nice and all that.

Please go on date 4!

hivemindneeded · 19/01/2022 18:33

I'd go on a couple more dates. See how things go, He might not have wanted to kiss you if you'd both had a bit to drink, in case you felt pressured. Stay sober for the next date and see what happens.

Shunter350 · 19/01/2022 18:40

If he's anything like me he'll need to be nudged into a kiss.
I was terrified of overstepping my "permission" when it came to the good night kiss!
That was the third date.
He's probably waiting on permission!?

Milkyway34x · 19/01/2022 19:35

Ask him. Say now we've had 3 dates what do you see going ahead. I'd have liked to have shared a kiss on the 3rd date and was abit unsure how you felt.