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Original poster

3rd date, still no kiss?!

76 replies

AbNormalPeeps · 19/01/2022 14:27

Went on a 3rd date with a really nice guy. The nicest (and hottest) I've met in ages. I was sure the first kiss would happen on date 3 especially as we'd been out for a few drinks so Dutch courage and all that.

He gave me a hug goodbye but that's it. We haven't held hands, he hasn't touched my arm/back/leg nothing. He text me when I got home to say he'd had fun and to let him know if I fancied a 4th date.

Now I know the usual mumsnet response is I could initiate things, but i really struggle with confidence in that sense (but not with initiating dates etc). I'm wondering if there's any point having a 4th to be honest and whether he's into me at all?! My friend said he may just not be sure if I like him but the fact I keep turning up on dates should be a clue?!

He's a nice guy so I don't want to be a dick about it but I don't feel any connection is building like it normally would when you've kissed. We're just 2 strangers hanging out still.

What would you do?!

OP posts:
writergirl747474 · 20/01/2022 16:46

When arranging date 4 just turn the texting flirty "I really wanted to snog you last time lol". If he doesn't fancy you I doubt he'll proceed with arranging the date.

One of my friends didn't snog someone until about date 7 by which time it had become something of a standing joke. She eventually snogged him, had great sex and has been really happy with him ever since.

sansucre · 20/01/2022 17:17

If he wasn't interested in you, he wouldn't have mentioned a 4th date.

However, the lack of physical contact is a concern though, and does make me wonder if the chemistry is off.

Go for another date and initiate something, even if it is just you brushing his hand/arm/back/knee and see if that prompts a reaction from him.

Franklin12 · 20/01/2022 17:26

I dated a guy who after date 7 or 8 didnt progress further than a kiss on the cheek. It was most odd and I thought he was gay and it just fizzled out (not that there was anything to fizzle out from!).

Many many years later I came across him as the CEO of a major client of mine! I had to tell my boss I needed to pass this account to someone else. If I remembered his name he would have remembered mine. I did google him (as you do!) and he was married with children so goodness knows what he was up to. He was perfectly nice but I suspect his previous girlfriend had hurt him a bit - or maybe he didnt know how to break it up.

I do laugh now especially having to tell my boss (who was a women). She laughed like a drain and there is a funny side to it.

Iamnotamermaid · 20/01/2022 17:33

Ok, easy. Take the initiative and just ask him if you can kiss him - maybe early on in the 4th date before too many drinks. Say you have been thinking about it and wondered what it would be like. He can only say no and at least you know where you stand.

mewkins · 20/01/2022 17:54

I prefer that to guys who ask a few hours in ask for a kiss Hmm. I would bring it up with him on the date. If he says he feels it's more of just a friendship then at least you know where you stand.

jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 20/01/2022 17:57

Maybe he is just unsure of kissing during covid times???
Personally I would just go for it!

SunshineCake1 · 20/01/2022 17:57

When I was younger my new boyfriend was shy. She I tapped him on the cheek then said I better kiss it better then smacked him in the mouth gently and you get the gist.. worked fine but maybe not as an adult.

KeepingAnOpenMind · 20/01/2022 18:33

You need to go to a bar and both have some drinks.
I’d find this quite odd tho. Perhaps he is gay?

Original poster
AbNormalPeeps · 20/01/2022 18:43

@KeepingAnOpenMind That's what we did on date 3! I was sure that'd be the night

OP posts:
thehistorymum · 20/01/2022 18:48

Honestly?

Just go on date 4. I could have written your post 6 years ago.

Now we're married with a little son.

Spoiler alert (?): date 4 we held hands and kissed.

KeepingAnOpenMind · 20/01/2022 18:48

Ah. If alcohol was involved and still no pass I’d be worried.

TheFoundation · 20/01/2022 20:22

@KeepingAnOpenMind

Ah. If alcohol was involved and still no pass I’d be worried.
I'd be thinking that maybe he wasn't into me, or maybe he's able to keep his shit together even when he's had a drink. There simply isn't enough to go on.

OP you've got stories from both ends of the spectrum... MN has no idea what he's thinking. It could go either way. Why is it up to him to decide if he wants you? Is that the sort of relationship you want? Leave it to the man to decide? If not, make a decision yourself. If you want him to kiss you, ask him to. If you want to kiss him, kiss him. If you're not sure how he feels, ask him.

Lovemusic33 · 20/01/2022 20:29

I dated someone like this a couple years ago, he was a hot squady, we must have gone on 6 dates before he so much as kissed me on the cheek, I should have given up then but it kind of became my mission to get him into bed 😬. Anyway, I’m pretty sure (after doing some detective work) he was married.

StarlightLady · 21/01/2022 08:21

You might both be thinking “if only” later down the line. We live in the age of “Me Too” and all sorts of allegations, he may just be overly cautious.

If he’s not into you, he would not be going for date number 4. If he has his hands in his pockets it’s an ideal opportunity to link his arm. See how he reacts to that positive signal.

Hopefully, that will lead to more and him soon being into you in another way!

Jennifer2r · 21/01/2022 15:44

Go on date 4. At the right time say "you can kiss me if you want to". See what happens.

ravenmum · 21/01/2022 15:58

I'm wondering ... whether he's into me at all?!
To quote you, the fact he keeps turning up on dates should be a clue?!

Toddlerteaplease · 21/01/2022 16:02

People expect a kiss by the third date? Eugh. You barely know them!

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 21/01/2022 16:04

Expecting a kiss on a third date. How frightfully uncouth! What would one's chaperone say.

MarshmallowsOnToast · 21/01/2022 16:17

@MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake

Expecting a kiss on a third date. How frightfully uncouth! What would one's chaperone say.
🤣🤣
IsntItIronicDontchaThink · 22/01/2022 17:46

@AbNormalPeeps when is your fourth date? I feel we need a progress report..!

Original poster
AbNormalPeeps · 22/01/2022 18:20

@IsntItIronicDontchaThink Haha well I haven't heard from him for a few days so I'm taking it I've been ghosted! Looks like he just wasn't that into me!

OP posts:
IsntItIronicDontchaThink · 22/01/2022 20:45

Oh no.... I do kinda hope your instinct is wrong...

greasyshoes · 23/01/2022 01:37

Consent is key, of course. Kissing or touching someone after 3 dates could certainly be seen as being "creepy", hence why he's holding back. Have you expressed consent yet?

Eesha · 23/01/2022 06:33

@AbNormalPeeps I'm sorry if you have been ghosted. The physical chemistry is really key to me so I actually tend to jokingly ask up front if they are into me. It breaks the ice a bit. Otherwise you risk wasting ages wondering whether they are into you.

relaxandchill · 30/01/2022 08:23

@AbNormalPeeps did he continue to ghost or did you end up going on date 4?