Do you have the same dinner and bedtime as your other half?

[lana29]

Sounds a very odd question, I’m Autistic and still use to relationships and what’s normal and may be considered odd. The reason I ask if everyone else goes to bed at same time and also have same meal at dinner/tea is because yesterday my boyfriend said when he comes in from work he’s not really hungry and he’d prefer just to do his own thing, I thought but we’re not in a hotel. But maybe it’s more common? Then at bed time he was saying we don’t need to sleep at the same time. I like cuddling up because the day is hectic so yeah should I be offended or see it as good?

I’m in my 20s he’s late 30s this is both first proper relationship (2 years in)

We eat dinner together but often go to bed separately.

Depends, we do what we feel like but are more likely to eat dinner together at the weekends. I always go to bed first because of the baby and I’m tired. He goes later. I like my time in bed sometimes without him there, to stretch out and read. I’m not a particularly cuddly person though.

Don't try to be like someone else's conception of normal.
For what it's worth, we eat mostly separately as otherwise I would often be hungry (he only needs two meals day) and go to bed when we're tired.

He had made the comment that we’re not joined at the hip and I was like! But reading your responses this makes me feel more ok xx

We usually eat together but don't necessarily go to bed at the same time, as I like an early night in the week, and he likes to stay up and watch drivel.

I'm 30 and my partner is mid thirties, before we had a baby last year we ate together usually within an hour of getting home (7-7:30) and I used to get into my PJs and bed around 9 and watch my own tv on my iPad and cuddle my cat (I miss this!) Then I would want to go to sleep around 10, sometimes he would come to bed at that time sometimes he would stay up a bit later.

We now have a baby, we all eat together around 6-6:30 and then I go to bed with her around 7:30 then leave the baby around 8 and go downstairs to spend time with him.

I still have a tendency to want to sleep earlier whilst he has a tendency to want to stay up a little later.

One thing that might help with dinner is discussing what meals to have that week before you shop, so they're things you both like. I get offended if he wants to eat separately from me too so you're not alone.

You don’t need to necessarily do either of those things together, as long as you get good quality time together. We usually eat dinner together (but not always other meals even though we both wfh) and tend to go to bed at different times. If we have felt too much like ships passing in the night though we make an effort to spend time together even if just going for a walk to talk about the day.

We eat together but we don't go to bed at the same time as he goes to bed ridiculously early (before the children even go to bed)

DH works odd hours so we don't often eat together unless he has a day off. If he starts early then he'll be in bed at 8 or 9pm so we definitely don't go to bed together then. We spend as much time as we can together when he isn't working though so we still have nice conversations or watch some TV together. When he has a day off if I'm not busy we might go out for lunch together.

Everyone has their own thing that works for them so it's just all about finding something that fits for both of you even if it isn't "normal" for other people.

Always eat together and 6 out of 7 nights we go to bed at the same time.

I'd think it odd if these were the opposite. What's the point in a relationship if you don't enjoy spending time with each other. It would feel like a house share.

We will usually eat together, but definitely not go to bed at the same time, we are all tired at different times, going to bed just because your partner is sleepy when you’re not, is not great.

We eat dinner together, but he prefers to eat later and I work from home so will often have a late afternoon snack to see me through!

Go to bed at different times, but only after we are cuddled up on the sofa anyway and I'm practically falling asleep.

If one of us is going to the gym we get our own tea when back.
No, we don’t go to bed at the same time.

Rarely for either, I work shifts 5/7 days and he’s 8-5 weekday’s so it matches up about 2 days a week at best.

lol at the house share comment We still spend time together Theres many hours in a day that are not Bedtime and dinner

We generally eat together but I almost always go to bed about an hour earlier. I like to read whereas he doesn't. Works fine for us.

The housemate comment is just silly.

Dinner yes bed no.

We eat together and go to bed together.

Me and DH have never had the same bedtime; we need different amounts of sleep. If he’s home then normally we’ll agree what time we want to eat but sometimes he isn’t hungry so he’ll cook for us both and eat later or we’ll each do our own thing. On a Friday night we normally have different easy meals as it gives us a chance to eat something the other might not want.

Not in the week - he eats with DD and I eat when I get in from work, and I go to bed earlier as I have to be up earlier. At the weekend we eat all together and DH and I go to bed at the same time.

These are all very helpful and sorry for such silly question - my Autistic black and white no longer thinks it’s a bad thing :)

We eat when we're hungry and sleep when we're tired.

I would imagine it depends on how your lives are set up and what your routine is. If you work different hours, then I can see it would make sense to eat at different times and/or go to sleep at different times.

In our case, we've always eaten together if we're both home. It's more than dinner is at dinner time, so whoever is home will eat then (we had 2 dc, there was more flexibility before children though). I wouldn't want to eat the second I got in the door either. I need an hour or two to de-compress. But I guess it would depend on the time, if he is walking in at 5:30 and you are expecting to eat right away, then you probably just need to eat at different times or have a snack. If he is getting home at 7 or 8pm, yes, I think it would be normal to eat together right away. But that doesn't mean you couldn't eat earlier. Yes, generally, we've always eaten together if we're both at home.

Bedtime, yes, we do generally go to bed at the same time, give or take 20-30 minutes. That's not a planned thing. It's just we have to get up in the morning and both generally would like to get a decent amount of sleep, so it means going to bed by 10:30pm or so. Also, it would be annoying if one of us stayed up and then woke the other up going to bed. It's a bit rude if you need your sleep. That said, I'd be really annoyed with dh if he wanted me to go to bed at the same time just to cuddle. I'm not that sort. Bedtime is for going to sleep and we could cuddle on the sofa if we wanted. That would feel a bit needy for me. But yes, I do think unless you work very different hours, going to bed at the same time is sensible and probably what most people do.

We eat when we're hungry. Sometimes together, sometimes not. We go to bed when tired, always at different times as he stays up until stupid o'clock, needs much less sleep than me.
I'd feel claustrophobic if I had to eat and sleep at the same time as him. We are two separate people with different needs.

We eat as a family at the same time, I do the cooking and I’m not cooking different meals at different times so we all eat at 6.15. We usually go up to bed the same sort of time but on a Monday and Thursdays he’s out training so I go to bed earlier than he does.