Do you have the same dinner and bedtime as your other half?

[lana29]

Sounds a very odd question, I’m Autistic and still use to relationships and what’s normal and may be considered odd. The reason I ask if everyone else goes to bed at same time and also have same meal at dinner/tea is because yesterday my boyfriend said when he comes in from work he’s not really hungry and he’d prefer just to do his own thing, I thought but we’re not in a hotel. But maybe it’s more common? Then at bed time he was saying we don’t need to sleep at the same time. I like cuddling up because the day is hectic so yeah should I be offended or see it as good?

I’m in my 20s he’s late 30s this is both first proper relationship (2 years in)

Yes we do. I go up to bed and he might have a shower/ go the toilet downstairs for half an hour, but we fall asleep together. If he's working the later shift I might eat with the kids and warm his up when he gets home but we usually eat together.

@JustWonderingIfYou

Always eat together and 6 out of 7 nights we go to bed at the same time.

I'd think it odd if these were the opposite. What's the point in a relationship if you don't enjoy spending time with each other. It would feel like a house share.

@AlwaysinaFlap

I was referring to this comment.

We eat at same time but different food. DH is veggie and I am not. We usually go to bed at same time but occasionally I will stay up later to watch a programme on TV and he has to be up earlier in morning than me for work.

We eat same dinner but different supper and I go to bed much earlier than him.

@Badbaddog

With XH we ate as a family but he and I got into the habit of going to bed at different times, which I regret. With DP, after three years we do both together, without fail. I bloody love it!

My point here OP is just that whatever suits you, both as a couple and as individuals, is the right and normal thing to do. Clear communication from each person about their feelings and what they need is key.

I work evening shifts so don't eat with DH during the week but we eat together when home. We always go to bed together except if DH is really tired and doesn't wait up for me to get home or very rarely if one of us wants to stay and watch something and the other doesn't. I find eating and going to bed together helps us stay connected, especially as we don't get evenings together during the week.

We eat together, it’s my favourite part of the day! Also go to bed at the same time although very occasionally I’ll go up first if I’m really really tired and he isn’t.

We always eat together and always go to bed together (unless one is out) although one of us might fall asleep first whilst watching tele or whatever. I wouldn’t want it any other way! I agree with some posters that dinner is social for me.

We only eat together at weekends or on his day off as he gets in from work after dinner time and wants to unwind. In 18 years we have NEVER gone to bed together! 😂 I go to bed early, he stays up late!

Depends on the day for us. Meal wise generally we eat together but if he's gone to the gym or the evening I go out to a meeting then we do our own thing.

Bedtime we almost always go up at a different time, I take DD up and lie with her while she falls asleep, then I go into our room and read while he watches some film or other on the tv. Some nights I'm still awake when he comes up, others not.

Nope. DH is a lark, I'm an owl. He's up at 7am regardless of day, prefers to eat major meal at midday as he goes to bed before 10 and doesn't want to have just eaten anything large. I prefer getting up later, a main meal in the evening and to stay up to midnight as I feel I've lost half my day otherwise!

Can be frustrating at times when I want to go out for something that finishes past 9pm and he doesn't want to go because it's past bedtime... rules out concerts, evening trips to the cinema, theatre... so I've spent years going to stuff on my own. 25 years together so far... but I have to admit some measure of mischievous pleasure in that DS has turned out to be an owl.

If we were both in the house at a 'normal' supper time then we'd eat together. If one of us was working late/out in the evening, then the other one wouldn't have to wait, they'd just eat alone and the other person would eat when they got in.

We nearly always went to bed at different times. I just like going up earlier and having a read/podcast in bed, H used to like staying up later.

My parents are still (happily, as far as I can tell) married after decades and they always go to bed at different times. They eat their evening meal together maybe twice a week maximum. They're happy with it so that's fine, it's about what works for the couple not what everyone else does.

We eat together when we can (work, kids clubs etc) but we eat the same food. It is cooked and eaten when they can. We go to bed at the same time 19/20 but I go to sleep earlier than him, he watches tv in bed

I'm autistic we sometimes eat together sometimes not but usually depends on oh work.We booth go to bed when tired so can be same or not.

I ate with my husband and it was late (after 8pm) because that's when he got home, and we went to bed at the same time.
I stayed with a friend and was really surprised that she and her husband tended to eat separately. Even if not eating myself (for whatever reason) I'd sit with my husband otherwise Id hardly see him during the week!

We generally eat dinner together, if he was later home from work he would just heat his meal up when he got home.

Usually he would go to bed around 9:30, I’d join him for a cuddle and a chat, then I’d do my own thing until around 11:30 when I went to bed. At the moment we’re both going at the same time so the baby can go down, and so the person on the first shift of waking duty is there and able to sort the baby quickly.

If I’m not at work (shift worker), we eat together and go to bed together. But it only works as my OH is happy to go to sleep whilst i watch something on the laptop. I just don’t need as much sleep as her but I like the routine of cuddling up together, chatting etc. If this stopped her sleeping, we would have to go to bed separately which I’d hate.

We usually eat together, but if one of us is held up at work or going out somewhere we'll occasionally eat at different times. We rarely go to bed together - he's happy staying up late to watch his TV programmes, I like to go to bed earlier to read. It's just a case of doing what works for you both.

My situation is that there no kids, boyfriend works throughout the day. Finishes 4ish comes in around 5, where as I don’t currently work. Some weeks I’m there 5 days and other weeks only weekends as long distance relationship. It was just yesterday he said to me that sometimes he isn’t hungry when he gets in and would prefer to just have a sandwich or a fry up, which to me I’d not be so keen on. I guess would you say that I shouldn’t be too offended? - I think the bedtime is because the cuddling part, and he’s not on his phone where as throughout day (phone) but tea time I just wonder :(

Every relationship is different OP, whatever works for your relationship is fine.

In my case, we eat together and go to sleep together- and we find it difficult not to go to sleep together with a snuggle.

It may also feel different for you OP because you are not currently working but your boyfriend is so you have different high and low energy points in the day.

Often if you have come in from work, you need some alone time to relax and process the day even from your partner. When you are out of work, it can lead to that feeling of ‘yay my partner is home!’ And overwhelming them when they come through the door and have just had an intense day. So it may be that you are just learning to adapt to each other and are learning what each other need (neither of you are wrong).

We don't alway eat together but do most days of the week. When we eat DH is normally feeding our autistic son which can be challenging so sometime he eats after everyone else.
We sometimes go to bed at the same time but most the time we go to bed at different times.

Yes to both, evening meal and the same bedtime.

I don't live with BF, but spend about 7 out of 14 nights with him. We generally eat together and always go to bed together. I think if we lived together FT and had been together longer it would probably be different though.

My DP and I only eat together if we're having the same thing which is maybe twice a week max. His diet is so different to mine so we rarely end up eating together unless we time it well.

We go to bed around the same time but not always. In fact it really annoys me if he goes to bed and calls down "are you coming up?" and I have to point out that I'm not a child and I can go to bed when I want. He's definitely of the thinking that couples should go to bed together but as he usually goes up at 9pm, I'm not keen.