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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

If you saw a preview of your relationship before your first date

106 replies

AlwaysFuckingTired94 · 16/01/2022 16:45

Would you go?

If so, or not, why?

OP posts:
TimeToLose8 · 16/01/2022 21:07

I would run for the hills....

Isonthecase · 16/01/2022 21:11

Yes but I would have picked a MUCH nicer restaurant for the first date if I'd have known it would last 😅

latebloomr · 16/01/2022 21:20

Yes I would, as being totally honest, at that time I was ready to settle down and maybe have kids. He was the right guy to that with. Maybe not the love of my life & the relationship hasn't been easy at all. We're so different and he can be very cold. But somehow we work. For now!

Veryverysadandold · 16/01/2022 21:35

On balance, yes, but we would have made some very different decisions about our lives with knowing covid was approaching so that would have been useful! He's a brilliant man but the pandemic has nearly broken us for many reasons.

KohlaParasaurus · 16/01/2022 22:10

Yes, because I thought the first "date" was just an impulsive one night stand with a friend who, like me, had just come out of another relationship, and I was totally up for that because I thought we'd both say, "Thanks, I needed that," and go back to just being friends.

And still yes after almost 20 years together. We're highly compatible, we've had fantastic times, we've held on through challenging times, he's been a brilliant stepfather to my children, and neither of us has ever looked elsewhere. But I wish I'd made it clear from the start that I expected him to learn to cook properly and to make dinner for me when I've had a long day at work.

totallyoutnumbered · 16/01/2022 22:31

100%. I was adamant to stay single after an emotionally abusive marriage but my best friend set us up. We both thank her most weeks. He's a complete treasure 🥰

bongobingo43 · 16/01/2022 22:35

@0828GCL

Well I've got my kids so would be hard to say no for that reason, and that reason only. But everything else... Run for the hills!!!!
Ditto
ChocAuVin · 16/01/2022 22:36

This is a largely heartwarming thread Smile

RogueV · 16/01/2022 22:37

100% yes
We’ve had our ups and downs but there is nobody better than DH out there.

Chatterboxy · 16/01/2022 22:46

No, wistfully wishing it was a yes, but living with a functioning alcoholic.

Allsorts1 · 16/01/2022 22:52

@MistandMud would be great to know what those magic words were!Grin

delilahbucket · 16/01/2022 22:57

My DH, yes absolutely. 11 years on and he's still my best mate and the person I want to see every day. DS's dad? I'd have run a mile. We never even had a date. He was like a leech from day dot, bled me dry physically, emotionally and financially. I saw it coming but I was already pregnant by then 🙄.

poorpaws · 16/01/2022 23:18

No. The hills wouldn’t have been far enough.

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 16/01/2022 23:39

Yes.
I was stoking the woodburner, embers were glowing. I said this really is perfect, we've accomplished so much together.

We do bicker but I know 99 times out of 100, we're on the same page.

BootySOS · 17/01/2022 00:19

No. There's been a lot of love but a lot of pain and damage too. I think I might have been happier with somebody else.

Cat2014 · 17/01/2022 00:24

On balance, no

DramaAlpaca · 17/01/2022 01:32

Oh yes. I couldn't have found a better man. Together over thirty years now and I know this sounds ridiculously soppy, but we both knew from that first date.

Colouringaddict · 17/01/2022 01:41

I would definitely go. Been together 30 years, I love him more now than I ever have.

The first 10 years were difficult, some were a real struggle, but we were married and that was worth fighting for.

We say often that we are very lucky to have each other. I think it works because he is so very laid back, too much sometimes but we can’t have it all.

Among our friends we are referred to as couple goals.

minipie · 17/01/2022 01:48

Good question.

I honestly don’t know. DH is great in so many ways, really pretty much every way, but there is one big thing (his work) which has overshadowed everything else.

Someone else would have had a better attitude to work, but also, wouldn’t have had all DH’s good qualities.

So I don’t know.

Probably the fact I’m this objective about him, is its own answer.

Pinkbonbon · 17/01/2022 01:55

Surely they would depend on the preview lol.

immersivereader · 17/01/2022 02:09

Probably not

YouWereGr8InLittleMenstruators · 17/01/2022 02:11

Nope.
And people did warn me.
We've had some incredible times and our DC, we're into the same things and share similar values.
But he has always been complicated and hard work at best and quite mad at worst, and it's sucked the joy and love out of everything, leaving nothing but a perpetual "process".
Teetering on the brink of leaving and crashing our finances in the process, but I'm exhausted.

Sunnytwobridges · 17/01/2022 02:12

Nope. And that goes for all of my relationships

Doggydarling · 17/01/2022 02:59

I probably wouldn't have gone but only because I didn't realise it was a date!! I had been in a pretty serious relationship and only just broken up, my now husband had not long split from the woman he was engaged to (it was a mutual thing, she had told a friend of mine about it), he and I had been friends for a while, it had never even crossed my mind to think of him like that, I didn't fancy him, he wasn't my type, I fully expected my ex and I to get back together (the split was over something very silly and very recent), anyways my newly single friend lived a few hours from me but travelled a lot due to his hobby, he rang me panicking about a flight booking which I sorted (in the days prior to easy Internet access) and next time he was in my area he asked to take me for dinner as a thank you, I went despite my friends warning that it wasn't a good idea, they too believed my ex and I would reunite. I had a lovely night, better than most first dates I'd ever been on and I kissed him that night which shocked us both, thankfully he rang the next day to talk about it and we decided to see each other again, we fell in love quietly and quickly, told our ex's when we thought the time was right, didn't get married for almost 10 years, didn't live together before that, I had a child that was my absolute priority so this suited me. We're 20+ years together and the only thing I'd change is moving to his part of the country, its too far from my family and friends but we're planning to move there soon, tonight he hugged me as said 'thank you for being my wife', he's had a tough few days because one of our dogs had to be put to sleep and its really upset him, we look after each other and shore up each others weaknesses without emphasising them. I'd go on that date that wasn't a date but he'd have moved after we married instead of me.

HNY2022mam · 17/01/2022 03:26

@Sunnytwobridges

Nope. And that goes for all of my relationships
Same, I would stay single and childless if I had my time again.