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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

EX-DH DID NOT RETURN DS FOR CHRISTMAS

104 replies

mummyfixit · 26/12/2007 20:06

I have started a new thread following on from my old HELP thread.

My DS was due back to me on CHristmas Eve at 2pm. ExH rings at 1.45pm to tell me he is not bringing him back. No custody order yet in place as have only just left ExH (not a very nice man) but was agreed between our respective solicitors when ExH would return DS to me. ExH will not let me see DS. I have spoken to DS on the telephone (only 3). He has not had his presents. I want to give him a cuddle. Anyone out there with any advice.

I intend to telephone a solicitor tomorrow. Police cannot do anything. very kind but this is a 'civil matter'.

Please help, totally lost without DS.

This was my DS first visit to his father since we split up.

OP posts:
YuleLoveHekateAtSolstice · 26/12/2007 20:09

Do you think that he wants to have custody of the child because he can't bear to be parted from him, or do you think he is only keeping the child to hurt you?

I ask because I think your response should be determined by his motives.

If he wants to have custody because he WANTS the child, you need to begin custody proceedings asap.

If he is just using the child to hurt you, then perhaps calling his bluff and telling him he can have custody would NOT be what he wants, and he would not want it if it wasn't hurting you, iyswim.

TenLordsaLapin · 26/12/2007 20:09

Oh god you poor girl What a complete wanker.

Have you tried posting on the Legal topic? I know there are loads of lawyers who post on here, hopefully one of them can help. I can't believe the police can't do anything!

Elf · 26/12/2007 20:10

You poor thing. Sorry, no knowledge or advice but lots of luck and strength to you, how utterly awful. xx

YuleLoveHekateAtSolstice · 26/12/2007 20:10
  • that last sentence is would not want it as in custody btw.

suddenly thought it sounded like I was calling your child 'it'!!

discoverlife · 26/12/2007 20:11

I answered in the 'Help' thread. What is stopping you from grabbing YOUR son back. How is he going to stop you from seeing him? You have the keys to your house. Stop being so civilised.

MrsWeasleysmagicmincepies · 26/12/2007 20:11

oh mummyfixit how dreadful for you and LO

CarGirl · 26/12/2007 20:12

are you living quite far from them now? You could suggest to your Ex that he comes for a contact visit with you this weekend until custody is sorted out etc. AGain a solicitor will advise you. However if you ask for contact/visits pending custody and your ex denies that will go against him.

You need to point out to your Ex what is in the best interests of your son and that will include regular & frequent contact with you.

YuleLoveHekateAtSolstice · 26/12/2007 20:13

Another good suggestion.

Gather half a sozen big blokes and go round there and get your son. And then don't allow your ex to see the child until you have legal custody sorted so you have security.

boredandfat · 26/12/2007 20:15

I think the Op has moved 100 miles away so cant just go around & get her DS.

I hope she gets him soon how awful for her.

Original poster
mummyfixit · 26/12/2007 20:17

I cannot get into my house as we were having new doors fitted on the day I left and I do not have a key. Great. My ExH also lives about 120 miles away.

I will try to do the 'proper' thing first and get a Solicitor to apply for residency tomorrow for me. Otherwise I like YLHA Soltice's suggestion.

OP posts:
YuleLoveHekateAtSolstice · 26/12/2007 20:18

100 miles wouldn't bloody stop me, I'd frigging WALK it if I had to, and I'm sure it wouldn't stop the op!

oxocube · 26/12/2007 20:20

Oh how horrible. I pray he is returned to you soon.

Tortington · 26/12/2007 20:20

if YOU HAVE the knowledge deffo get someone to kneecap him and retrieve your son.

discoverlife · 26/12/2007 20:21

100 miles, WTF, most Mums would travel thousands of miles to get their sons back and break the law to do so (I don't condone it BUT its been done). Breaking into YOUR OWN house is not illeagal.
GET OF YOUR ARSE AND DO SOMETHING.

CarGirl · 26/12/2007 20:23

perhaps you and all your family go down and gain entry to your marital home and leave with son, so what if ex calls the police I think they will be on your side. I think gaining entry to the property may be easiest when your ex is out btw!

If you can prove it is your house still with documentation then a locksmith can gain entry for you but it's pricey £70???

NKF · 26/12/2007 20:23

I think you need a solicitor. It's all very well this commando style advice but
you will almost certainly win any custody battle should it come to that. There must be some sort of emergency legal activity and many things will be back to normal tomorrow. Write down everything, get a friend to come and see you through this and call a lawyer as soon as you can.

TenLordsaLapin · 26/12/2007 20:23

Jesus, discoverlife, do you really think that's helpful?

TenLordsaLapin · 26/12/2007 20:24

Do not do anything illegal, If the house is in your joint names, you should be fine gaining entry but all the "kneecap him" stuff will just go against you if you end up in an acrimonious custody battle.

Smamfa · 26/12/2007 20:26

Sod the men, I'd take every woman I know and camp on his F*ING DOORSTEP until I had my kids back.

justabouttosplashoutinthesales · 26/12/2007 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CarGirl · 26/12/2007 20:27

TenLords her previous thread was when she basically did a runner to leave him as it was an "abusive" (emotionally) relationship. I thin he is going to play very dirty, they jointly own 2 properties so he has money etc - just in case you have got any "know" about what else she can do?

discoverlife · 26/12/2007 20:28

Its an option, I would never have left DS with DH in first place. In her other thread she was moaning about him being an abusive manipulative so and so. What did she expect him to do. Grow angel wings, he wants to hurt her, and she is willing to be hurt.
He has snatched DS why doesn't she do it back. She is acting like a spineless wimp. It will take weeks for the solicitors etc. to get their act together in the meantime DS is forgetting all about her.
Put yourself in her shoes, would you sit on your hands and winge on here about it. No most of you would be doing something.

TenLordsaLapin · 26/12/2007 20:28

Sorry CarGirl, I don't understand? what should I "know"?

FairyTaleOfNewYork · 26/12/2007 20:30

i think you are doing the right thing by going to see sols tomorrow and sorting it all out that way. as he has broken an agreement made through the sols, so he has broken that agrangment.

even if you do gain entry to your home and manage to get ds back that way, it could all get very messy and traumatise your ds even more.

When you say your ex-dh isnt a naice man, has he any shown any of that towards ds? is ds safe with ex-dh?

TenLordsaLapin · 26/12/2007 20:31

Oh really helpful. She HAS left him, he DOES have her son, and she's come here for help. Calling her a spineless wimp is really beyond the pale, let's hope you never need ask for help on here.

mummyfixit, I am afraid I cannot help you as I have no legal knowledge but I really really hope you get this sorted out as soon as possible. Thinking of you x

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