EX-DH DID NOT RETURN DS FOR CHRISTMAS

[mummyfixit]

I have started a new thread following on from my old HELP thread.

My DS was due back to me on CHristmas Eve at 2pm. ExH rings at 1.45pm to tell me he is not bringing him back. No custody order yet in place as have only just left ExH (not a very nice man) but was agreed between our respective solicitors when ExH would return DS to me. ExH will not let me see DS. I have spoken to DS on the telephone (only 3). He has not had his presents. I want to give him a cuddle. Anyone out there with any advice.

I intend to telephone a solicitor tomorrow. Police cannot do anything. very kind but this is a 'civil matter'.

Please help, totally lost without DS.

This was my DS first visit to his father since we split up.

I think you will need a solicitor in the long run, but you need him back now. I am with cargirl. Get yourself over there now, with at least a couple of people with you and do something. Maybe you could watch the house to establish when they're home first and then act. Lying if neccesary. Perhaps dialling 999 could then be an option.

I would be beside myself if I were in your shoes.

SORRY, about the spineless wimp comment. But I don't think she is going to get her son back anytime soon and I do assume that other mothers would react the same way as me where a snatching of a child by an abusive partner is concerned.
She does not have custody so she would have to sort that out first. Time, it all comes down to how much time she wants to be away from her DS.

lapin always knows best xxxx

Have you tried ringing the police? I wonder if they would have any advice.

I have read the OP's other thread 'HELP' and this has been going on since October (can't say I noticed this thread & I am a reg).

She needs to see her Solicitor first thing tomorrow& see what they say. Its worrying that she is 100 odd miles away from her DS though .

Surely social services perhaps in conjuction with the police will have the power to retreive this child immediately, forcefully if neccesary..

please keep us updated.

Good luck.

Have you ever reported your ex to the police for being abusive? If you have, it will be on record and if you fear for your DS, then they must help you get him.

There must be places open tonight that can help you, even if they can just offer advice on what you need to do first thing tomorrow.

Would your ex believe you if you said you want to give it another go with him? You could always try playing his game and get away with DS at the first opportunity.

If her ex DH was abusive he may well be abusive to the child (although I doubt it) so she needs to get him soon.

Hope all goes well with the Solicitor tomorrow OP.

oh god, how awful for you mummyfixit, i hope that it's resolved asap for you. christmas is just another day really, albeit with a roast dinner, the main thing imo is to 'play by the rules' until you see a solicitor so that you can focus on a lifetime with DS.
this sort of behaviour will not play well with a court i'd have thought so perhaps your ex is already shooting himself in the foot? i hope so, you sound like you've had a rough time.

mummyfixtit - if your ds isn't safe in xdh's hands then SS along with the police can retrieve your ds without a court order or any need to go along with solicitors. failing that you need to see your solicitor ASAP and get a court order to get your son back to you.

and discoverlife's unhelpful comment that our son will be forgetting was untrue and ridiculous. your ds will not forget you in the space of 3 days. it will not take long for your ds to be returned to you once you have seen the solicitor (hopefully)

but i really would get in touch with the sduty SW (the police should be able to give you a contact number) tonight, if only so someone can advise you how long these things usually take. unfortunately these situations are not unusual.

thinking of you. xx

your son will not forget you, sorry for typo!!

I'm no expert in this but as far as the police are concerned the child is with a parent. There is no court ordered custody/visitation there is an agreement between solicitors which is not the same thing at all. The police can;t do anything not can social services unless the man is recorded somewhere as abusive to the child (or likely to become abusive to the child).

Sorry its been so miserable for you but you need to consult the solicitor tomorrow and do what they suggest. Any attempt to do some of the more extreme actions suggested here (unless you have evidence that your Ex maybe violent) will play right into his hands if there is a custody fight "oh my ex-wife is mentally unstable, she broke into the house and tried to kidnap our son just because he was with me, I'm worried for her sanity..."

Discoverlife must have an extremely tenuous bond with her children if she thinks they even start to forget you after three days

sorry for Hijack (Lapin - where is the thank you thread for Secret snata?)

absolutely was Kew said. bang on.

this may help or not. Perhaps if you quote the bit about parential abduction to his local constabulary.

Hope that it goes well with the solicitors tomorrow.

I cannot go in 'commando' style and take DS back. It will play right in ExH hands. I have to take the correct steps. ExH will not harm DS in any way. He has been mentally and emotionally abusive towards me but not DS. I am not sticking up for ExH in any way but I know he will not harm DS.

I will keep you posted. Thank you for all your kind advice.

You have separated; you automatically have cutody as you are the main carer (this is what my barrister said in court when ex took me for contact)

He (the barrister) said that if DS was ever taken, the police would return him as it is abduction; I have custody, ex does not (simply because we were no longer together; the divorce hadn't come through yet either).

I really am feeling awful for you. I will keep reading this thread. Please don't do anything ridiculous - you know it won't help. Ring the solicitor tomorrow; there will be an emergency contact if the offices aren't open but I should imagine they will be.

Good luck with it all - I really am thinking of you

Mummyfixit, it may well be worth trying social services - I was talking to some SWs recently and it seems dealing with absent parents who haven't returned children from access visits is a common problem for them over Christmas. Something they handle all the time. So definitely worth a call, I would have thought.

I'M SO SORRY TO HEAR OF THE UPSET YOUR EX HAS PUT YOU THROUGH I WONDER WHETHER C.A.B. MIGHT HELP? YOUR LOCAL COUNCIL WOULD HAVE A OUT OF HOURS EMERGENCY SOCIAL WORKER WHO COULD ALSO GIVE YOU ADVICE ON THIS MATTER.
SURELY ITS IN 'THE BEST INTERESTS OF THE CHILD' NOT TO BE PUT THROUGH THIS SORT OF TRAUMA? YOU COULD EVEN TRY CHILD PROTECTION [THIS IS OBVIOUSLY EMOTIONAL CRUELTY TO YOUR SON]. I HOPE YOU GET HIM BACK SOON.
DOES YOUR EX WORK? IF SO HAS HE MADE ANY LONG TERM PROVISION FOR CHILDCARE? HOPEFULLY HE'LL THINK TWICE WHEN HE GOES BACK TO WORK.
GOOD LUCK X

Mummyfixit. Sorry you are going through this.

I dont know much about this sort of thing, but can only suggest ringing as many people as you can (social services, CAB, etc), and leaving plenty of urgent messages on your solicitors ansaphone between now and tomorrow.

Mummyfixit - just wanted to say good luck this morning with the solicitor. You sound like you're dealing with this very well, you are an amazing person and mum!

Thinking of you.

Ring the police. You are his main carer and he is not being returned as agreed to you.

OMG! What a horirble situation to be in. You must be beside yourself.

I would ring the police and explain the situation. Do not be fobbed off! You need to tell them why you left the relationship and tell them you are concerned about your child.

Hope you get him back soon