EX-DH DID NOT RETURN DS FOR CHRISTMAS

[mummyfixit]

I have started a new thread following on from my old HELP thread.

My DS was due back to me on CHristmas Eve at 2pm. ExH rings at 1.45pm to tell me he is not bringing him back. No custody order yet in place as have only just left ExH (not a very nice man) but was agreed between our respective solicitors when ExH would return DS to me. ExH will not let me see DS. I have spoken to DS on the telephone (only 3). He has not had his presents. I want to give him a cuddle. Anyone out there with any advice.

I intend to telephone a solicitor tomorrow. Police cannot do anything. very kind but this is a 'civil matter'.

Please help, totally lost without DS.

This was my DS first visit to his father since we split up.

Nice one Mummyfixit. I am sorry for my earlier comments. The last time I was involved a custody battle it took MONTHS for the child to be returned to his mum (sister/niece), the law has changed for the better in 20 years.
I am glad you have DS back.

Had a great day yesterday. DS so excited. I had some family round and we had another Christmas, briliant fun. Will let you know how I get on in Court again on the 7th January. It is really helping having people to 'talk' to on mumsnet.

I'm so glad you finally had a lovely day together

great to hear, mummyfixit. well done.

So glad you got this outcome!

Went to Court on Monday. Judge award joint custody week with me then DS has week with his father. This is an interim order to allow a CAFCASS Report to be prepared.

Does anyone have experience of this please.

Right Mummyfixit - how old is your DS?

I went through this with XH about 5 years ago and Mumsnet was a huge help.

He threw me out and I had to fight to get DD back - i did though eventually.

It will go against him in a huge way him not sticking to agreed times and dates.

Few pointers - put his name down at a local school, make sure you are the one who deals with dentist, doctor and hairdresser - doing all the important things - even get him a place at a play group - you will then be caring adeqautely for your son and have his future set up where you live.

Never slag off your husband to a judge or cafcass officer - if anyone asks you about his abuse tell them the truth but add that you realise that this does not stop him being a great father.

Do either of you work - if he does and you don't you need to state this very loudly - it is no point giving him custody and then the child going to a childminder or nursery when his mother is sitting at home.

If you go to court you will need some witnesses who will have to draw up statements as to why they think you should have custody - make those statements full of reasons why you are the better carer not full of hate and resentment against your X and never mention the word win - went against XH in a big way as did his drinking which my witnesses had seen.

If you have a close relative whi is a fireman/policeman get them to do a statement as it really helps if they do and when they go to give evidence they wear their uniform.

We ended up with shared residence of DD but me having custody - she goes to her father every other weekend and half of the school holidays - you need to say to the court officer and in your statement that you feel the arrangements need to be put in place now that will enable your cild to attend school when he gets to that age - you can't do the week on week off thing then so you may as well get it sorted now - IYKWIM.

I live in North Essex and if I can be of any help do let me know by CATing me. I hope that helps though - and you must stick on the side of the law no matter what your heart says - it will go against him in court what he is doing.

Good Luck XXX

I cannot believe the judge awarded joint custody after your ex-h's behaviour over christmas!!

I have no experience but hopefully someone will be along soon who does.

Thinking of you

great advice twinkie

Custody will not more than likely go to the mother I am afraid - it is a point the judge went to great pains to point out when we went to court.

You could go for the angle that he was abusive and controlling and you fear that if he gets custody he will use DS as a tool to carry on this behaviour.

Are you still working and is he still a SAHD?

Thanks Twinkie and everyone else. Ex-H was not stay at home dad as he is self employed. I cannot imagine how he proposes to go to work and look after DS. He does not have much work but cannot take DS with him when he does get work.

As suggested I had already booked DS into local school, he starts a playgroup next week where I can leave him for two hours a day. He is going to go to the local sunday school this week with me.

I am no longer working as I had to leave my job when I left my Ex-H. I am thinking of going back to college but at the moment things are very much up in the air. I am not looking for employment as I want to stay at home with DS.

Also DS was due to start a private school this year. There is no way Ex-H can fund this now. I assume that he will have to give me some sort of financial settlement out of the property we own and also Ex-H has stolen a lot of money from our joint account and I want my share back.

What a mess - cannot sleep at the moment just want my DS back with me. I miss him.

DS was not in childcare as when I worked Ex-H had him and then when I was home DS stayed with me and Ex-H went to work.

mummyfixit - it might be a good idea (if you haven't already done so) to gather together as much information as you can about your finances - get bank statements showing what was in your account when you spearated etc.

I'm in Svotland so won't comment on what financial settlement you should look for (Scots and English law are different) - hopefully an English lawyer will come along to help

If you haven't already, you might want to have a think about how you see things working with regard to either shared care or contact. Then when the Cafcass Officer comes you can explain to them what you think would be best and why it's in your child's best interests.

I agree with anniemac too, plan to be at home full time with your ds for the time being.

DS back with me for a week and DS has been telling me about a lady who kisses Daddy and reads my DS a bedtime story. She also kisses my son and gives Daddy a cuddle. What!!!!! DS only 3 but he is quite clear on what he has been saying.

Hi is anyone there. DS has also told me this woman sleeps in daddy's bed and has shreddies for breakfast.

obviously your ex has a new girlfriend. I think he should have discussed introducing your son to this new woman. How do you feel? I know I would be very angry.

hi. just read your last message. will now read thread a bit.
Is it a prob if he has someone else - ex.