Husband 40th soon and he doesn't want to celebrate

[mailpal]

My DH has never been a big fan of birthdays, he is turning 40 soon and isn't interested in doing anything or celebrating - he said he wants it to 'come and go' such a shame :/

I really want to do something nice for him and have a great time.. he's not one for too much fun lol but turning 40 is a big deal!

He doesn't have many friends and said he doesn't want the fuss..

Any ideas?

I might just go ahead and book a restaurant somewhere.. he doesn't want to travel 'far' either.. he isn't giving me much to work with..

I think you need to accept what he would like and what you would like is different.

Could you suggest going away for a weekend, just you him and any dcs as his birthday gift? You would meet your need to mark it and his to let it go.

I’m with him.
My wish would be take away and then either a family movie or game.
Hate parties and fuss.
Does he have a hobby?

His way is fine!
Ask him before you book anything.

What is his favourite meal of the day?? I’d book a meal out but for the meal he likes the best. I’d also make a special breakfast or dinner at home with all his favourites. Would he be interested in having the day off work ? If you take the day off too then you could do a lovely outing.
You can still make it special without a crowd of people. Just really think about what he likes and what makes something special for him. I’d write a really heartfelt card and focus on a lovely gift

Leave him be. I am similar and couldn’t think of anything worse than a big celebration.

His birthday his choice and no, it’s not a shame, some people see birthdays as pointless

I’m not into big celebrations either!

Can you just book a night or two away in a nice hotel if you fancy doing something special for him, that he may also appreciate.

Celebrate him at home if that's what he wants. Gifts, nice dinner and special time together sounds perfect.

Why is it so hard for you to accept his view.

Agree with others. It's his birthday - surely he should get to do what he wants and not what you think he should do?

I think you need to listen to your husband and keep it low key.

My Dh loves celebrating, we hosted a massive bbq for his 40th. Me, I hate being the centre of attention and so had a family dinner cooked by DH and kids. In fact mine was a weekday in lockdown 2 so I spent the day alone which for me was perfect.

It was my partners big birthday last year and he wanted no fuss so we went to aviemore for a few nights.
Fuss free and it was perfect

It's not about what you want
Plan your own 40th

I might just go ahead and book a restaurant somewhere.. he doesn't want to travel 'far' either.. he isn't giving me much to work with..

He's not giving you much to work with because he doesn't want to do anything.

I'd be well pissed off with DH if he arranged something for my birthday which he knew I didn't want to do, purely because he thought I should be doing something. Leave the poor man be!

@Michellebops

It was my partners big birthday last year and he wanted no fuss so we went to aviemore for a few nights. Fuss free and it was perfect

We went to Aviemore for DH's 40th too!

The nicest thing you can do for HIM is to listen and hear and respect what he wants.

Leave him be for gods sake

Mine said this then one week before the day changed his mind by which point it was too late to organise much as people weren't free. 🙄 Anyway, my own personal numpty aside. In your situation I'd maybe book something like a gig. We love comedy so I'd get Bill Bailey tickets as he's on tour but it's big money so it'd have to be a 40th to justify it. 😆
Anything like that he'd appreciate?

My DH has never been a big fan of birthdays

There's your answer, so why would you think his 40th would be any different?
It is his birthday not yours, so don't impose your ideas of what a birthday should be on him.

His birthday his choice. It might not be what you would want but that doesn’t matter. If he’s happy with something like a nice meal cooked at home then so be it.
We went out for a carvery meal for DSs 18th. His choice. 🙂

he said he wants it to 'come and go' such a shame

What is a shame is not listening to and understanding your DH's view.

I did exactly nothing other than a quiet and lovely family tea for my 40th and I was very happy. I hate a fuss. If my DH organised something for me when he knows very well I don't want it, I would be really upset with him.

What about an experience or activity day - less emphasis on celebrating and more on doing something

The DH has said he wants it to 'come and go'.

People are such bullies over birthdays. I'm not using the word lightly - making someone do something they don't want to do, just because you think they should think differently, is bullying.

I agree with everyone else. Respect his wishes.