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Original poster

Dating advice!!

36 replies

Sophiex22 · 13/01/2022 19:41

Having just recovered from heartbreak I met the man of my dreams over Christmas on a night out. We shared a kiss on the evening and texted a lot since, he keeps mentioning meeting up but never plans it. He keeps going quiet (blames it on his work schedule and being a bad texter) but when we do speak he’s so interested in my life etc.
Should I tell him I would like to meet up or just leave it for him to contact me?
I’ve not liked anyone like this for a long time and dated a lot of men last year!

OP posts:
TheFoundation · 13/01/2022 20:25

If you want to see him, what's stopping you suggesting a date?

Original poster
Sophiex22 · 13/01/2022 21:00

That’s very true, I suppose I have nothing to lose. I guess time waits for no one!

OP posts:
BlueSky8 · 13/01/2022 21:01

Go for it.

BetsyBrush · 13/01/2022 21:18

I expect he is already committed elsewhere. If a man wanted to see you he would tell you.

TheFoundation · 13/01/2022 21:20

@BetsyBrush

I expect he is already committed elsewhere. If a man wanted to see you he would tell you.
Bit of a leap there. If he's talking regularly about meeting it's perfectly possible that he's shy and testing the water. You can't just assume that every man will ask every woman out immediately if they're interested.
BetsyBrush · 13/01/2022 21:22

It's certainly a possibility @TheFoundation. Have you done much on line dating? There's lots of them like this. It's certainly worth considering.

TheFoundation · 13/01/2022 21:27

@BetsyBrush

It's certainly a possibility *@TheFoundation*. Have you done much on line dating? There's lots of them like this. It's certainly worth considering.
If a man wanted to see you he would tell you

Sounds a lot more certain than just a possibility to consider. OP is not sure; it's not really fair to state things with such certainty when you don't know either.

OP, best way to find out is to suggest a date to him. Good luck, and if he's unwilling, at least you'll have your answer and can move on.

BetsyBrush · 13/01/2022 21:28

MN is about seeking advice from all sides I thought?

Lightstoobright · 13/01/2022 21:31

If you're that keen then yes I would contact him. However it doesn't sound like he's very interested, or he's currently semi involved with someone else. Sorry.

TheFoundation · 13/01/2022 21:59

@BetsyBrush

MN is about seeking advice from all sides I thought?
Well, giving advice isn't stating something as a fact when it's not a fact, especially when it's to a person who is unclear about the boundaries in the first place.

Sorry for the derail OP. Stopping now!

dopple · 13/01/2022 22:32

Try and get him to agree a date and time, also have some suggestions yourself what you'd like to do on the date, if he won't commit to that then at least you've tried, some people are flaky because they're not that interested, you can only do so much.

Whatissleep79 · 14/01/2022 05:27

If he wanted to see you again he would make the effort. He’s not interested enough.
Search mumsnet for the many many examples of women text chasing for a second date - close to zero success.

Whydidimarryhim · 14/01/2022 07:05

Women can get strung along for weeks and months with just talking and texting. The dating thread suggest meeting early so your not over invested. How are you going to date him if he’s too busy with work.
He may not be single - have you looked him up - I’d give him to the end of the month then move on if you haven’t met.

mugglenutmeg · 14/01/2022 07:25

When men are interested in talking, texting and flirting but reluctant to meet up, it's often the case that they have a wife or partner at home and they are just living a bit of a fantasy, embarking on an emotional affair. (This often happens with OL dating)

This might not be the case here, and you actually have seen him in person. But he doesn't sound ready, distracted elsewhere (maybe just come out if a relationship?) not ready, but still willing to talk.

What seemed like a beer fuelled good idea on the night doesn't seem such a good idea after all.

Milomonster · 14/01/2022 08:08

I had one of these. Turned out to be an utter waste of time and headfuck. I’d ask him out, and if he won’t commit, drop it.

ElectraBlue · 14/01/2022 08:28

He is not interested or he has a partner already. Sorry.

A man who was into you would have found a way to set up a date by now.

The harsh reality is that we make time for people who matter to us, no matter how busy we are.

Stop interacting with him.

MMmomDD · 14/01/2022 08:54

For starters - I think you need to dial down romanticising relationships this way.
You ‘just recovered from heartbreak and met a man of your dreams’. All that after one kiss?

You met a guy you liked. You kissed. You are texting. You know nothing about him, and until you do - treat it for what it is. Based on facts.
Personally - I don’t like being a passive observer. So - if after lots of texting there isn’t progress otherwise, I’d just say - let’s meet. Or, get in touch with me when you are available. And leave it at that.
No reason to waste time really. Even a very busy person can with planning have time to see people. Especially if they are interested in them.

Given the pattern you describe - he may be not single. But it’s hard to tell.

ChristmasFluff · 14/01/2022 10:14

I bin off men who don't ask me on dates. Interested men ask a woman out, however shy they are.

But plenty of time-wasters will let the woman take the lead - and some of them will even go so far as to marry someone (having been led into it of course, not actively planning and executing a proposal) - and then you have that relationship that women come on Mumsnet moaning about - "I'm always the one who has to plan things, he never arranges date nights or mini-breaks' etc etc.

Men are genetically programmed to chase. If they are not chasing, there's a reason. You do not need to know that reason, but you do need to heed their lack of interest.

Never be impressed by wooing that can be done whilst sitting on a toilet

Whatissleep79 · 14/01/2022 10:51

@ChristmasFluff

I bin off men who don't ask me on dates. Interested men ask a woman out, however shy they are.

But plenty of time-wasters will let the woman take the lead - and some of them will even go so far as to marry someone (having been led into it of course, not actively planning and executing a proposal) - and then you have that relationship that women come on Mumsnet moaning about - "I'm always the one who has to plan things, he never arranges date nights or mini-breaks' etc etc.

Men are genetically programmed to chase. If they are not chasing, there's a reason. You do not need to know that reason, but you do need to heed their lack of interest.

Never be impressed by wooing that can be done whilst sitting on a toilet

Exactly
BetsyBrush · 14/01/2022 10:59

@TheFoundation you seem to think that only your advice is valid yet funnily enough so many more have suggested the same as I did . Are they all making a bit of a leap ?

TheFoundation · 14/01/2022 11:03

[quote BetsyBrush]@TheFoundation you seem to think that only your advice is valid yet funnily enough so many more have suggested the same as I did . Are they all making a bit of a leap ?[/quote]
Yes, it's not a very healthy thread. Can we stop derailing it now? I'm sure us both being convinced we're in the right isn't the point of the thread and we can agree to disagree.

Whatissleep79 · 14/01/2022 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

BetsyBrush · 14/01/2022 11:14

@TheFoundation you were the one who derailed it initially and you want to stop it now ( on behalf of the OP) because you had your say and no one is allowed to reply to it? I certainly do not think I am in the right - what I said was a possibility as valid as yours that he was shy. You obviously think you are right 😂

BlokeHereInPeace · 14/01/2022 11:15

Ask him out. An actual place, day, time. Not some major thing that will involve major effort. Drink after work, something like that.

TheFoundation · 14/01/2022 12:08

@BetsyBrush Please stop tagging me and I will do the same for you.

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